• Replies 16 replies
  • Subscribers 83 subscribers
  • Views 4666 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Visitation for autistic father with intense anger issues

Lulu

Hi all, 

If you have seen my previous posts, you will be aware that my (undiagnosed) autistic husband has walked out on me at 22 weeks pregnant. 

I have barely heard a word from him since he left, he has not asked about how baby or the pregnancy is but has said that no matter what he wants to be part of his life.

Obviously this will mean he will have visitation.

My worry is that he turns in to a rage monster at the slightest thing and with the unpredictability of a new baby, I really worry that this would cause the violent meltdowns he has had in the past. These have historically stemmed from a sock being lost, an interruption to his gaming, and the kitten making noise on a night which resulted in the kitten being thrown down the stairs.

Due to this I am terrified of allowing him to take our baby.

He is due to be diagnosed and start receiving support from August (the month baby is due).

Has anyone had any experience of support/therapy to help with such anger poblems? Does it work? 

Parents

  • Lulu you are going about his all wrong, your other post has made it abundantly clear what the problem is, it’s you. 

    a man without autism wouldn’t put up with your behaviour. Your husband is intelligent and he probably has realised what direction your heading in and knows that you are going to try and block custody to his child. so it’s not within his interest to continue with the mental gymnastics that you are deliberately creating. He probably what to see his child but the drama your causing is making it hard for him to regulate his emotions.

    the unpredictable behavioural outbursts aren’t unpredictable, they are extremely predictable and you are actively unconsciously or consciously provoking the out bursts, just stop it.

    the kitten thing is not okay, but like it or not you are trying to control and dictate to him what he should do. His video gaming is a decompression behaviour in moderation and your have harassed him to stop making his tolerance for stress and sensory bombardment to extremely low. 

    you are pushing him and more than likely your behaviour has gotten worse or changed to an extreme because you are pregnant and expect him to do stuff and wait on you hand and foot without actually talking to him and asking for help around his routine structure that support his neurological difficulties. 

    Therapy isn’t going to help your husband, it’s not designed for autistic people. Even if your no longer in a relationship with your husband you still got to make reasonable adaptions for him. 

  • in reply to Blue

    Hi Blue

    You have to remember that Lulu and her husband were both attracted to each other when they dated and got married.           He was probably suffering from extreme stress back then but he considered the 'risk' low enough to get involved.  

    He's willingly thrown himself into the full NT lifestyle so he does owe some big explanations to the unsuspecting person he chose to have a relationship with.. 

    NTs are NTs - they know their own game - he's tried faking being an NT and it's blown up in his face.

Reply
  • in reply to Blue

    Hi Blue

    You have to remember that Lulu and her husband were both attracted to each other when they dated and got married.           He was probably suffering from extreme stress back then but he considered the 'risk' low enough to get involved.  

    He's willingly thrown himself into the full NT lifestyle so he does owe some big explanations to the unsuspecting person he chose to have a relationship with.. 

    NTs are NTs - they know their own game - he's tried faking being an NT and it's blown up in his face.

Children
No Data