Does anyone else have a problem with obsessive emailing?
When I send an email, I experience deep anxiety about what I've said and whether the person will reply or not.
This usually results in my sending more emails to try and correct what I've said or seek reassurance from the person I'm emailing.
I can spend hours doing nothing, lying in my bed, obsessing over whether the person will reply.
Hey there. Just came across your thread and wanted to share my 2 cents on the obsessive emailing thing. It's like you hit send, and then the waiting game begins. I used to be the same way, but then I realized that constantly sending follow-up emails just made me look desperate. Plus, it's not healthy to spend hours lying in bed obsessing over it. Trust me, been there, done that. Have you tried distracting yourself with something else? Maybe watch a funny video or go for a walk. Anything to take your mind off of it. Anyway, I'm new on this forum and just stumbled upon this very old post. But I wanted to chime in and say that you're not alone in this. Let's buy [link removed by Moderator] and send lots of emails to all of those guys. Just kidding, but seriously, hit me up if you need any more advice on this topic.
Which is a comorbidity of autism, which is very common and so a lot of autistic people will actually do this. So although its not a specific autistic trait its a possible indicator that autism might also be present, but not necessarily. I don't think there is anyone who will just have autism. There are always more goodies along with it.
Apparently the issue I have is actually little to do with my autism, and actually because of attachment anxiety. I fear the person is going to drop me at any moment and emailing is my way of testing/checking that they are still there. Thank you all for your responses, much appreciated and so helpful to see other people's experiences of emailing
I don't exactly do that, but I have a thing where I sometimes get very anxious about saying something in the right way when I'm emailing someone semi-important (i.e I want to be polite but not too formal, not too casual, not asking too much of someone, not sounding stupid). This can lead to me spending up to 3 hours editing it to make it sound right before I send it. Haven't done that for a while though so hopefully I'm over it.
The advice I was given was to imagine the person reading the email and remember that they are probably very busy and will probably skim it quite fast so it doesn't really matter if what you said is perfect.
I work in an industry where humans are regularly ghosted. It took me years to adjust. But I also look back on my terrible ability to communicate and... breathe. When the consequence involves finances, it matters. Other wise, I assume others also have a million emails to go through and want to spend time with their family. And want to read a book. And want to also have a life. When it involves money and I've not heard back, I might wait a month and email again. I give it 3 goes. I strategise. I spend hours on emails. I have hundreds of drafts. Thinking in matters of consequence or priority has been incredibly helpful. When in doubt I don't send, I'll problem solve something else - philosophy, a piece of software, sudoku. redirecting all of this obsessing also helps.
I have this too especially in relation to major problems and have been convicted for my desperate e mails when a bank lost mev£250000, I should have taken them to court rather than e mailing
I don't send follow up emails but I definitely ruminate if I don't get a quick response to something I think has potential to cause conflict, even if I'm just trying to be humorous and fear it hasn't been received the right way.
Like others have said, I take care over what words I use in writing and overthink things, but the longer I've had to think about an email, the more likely it is I'll be worrying about how it is received.
Yes you are right, I do believe I may be coming across as this. It's not how I want to come across. It's difficult when you live alone and you have an obsessive need for reassurance like I do! Hopefully I can learn to control it over time.
That's an awkward one - it's all going to be about feelings and needs so it's quite easy to be accidentally seen as needy or controlling. Without knowing your relationship with your counsellor, it's very hard for me to offer any suggestions.
I have a psychologist with whom I speak every now and then - I normally e-mail her first with a status update and a brief list of things I'm having problems with so she can prepare herself for when we chat on the phone a few days later..
I get stressed when emailing my counsellor. She has recently ended our sessions, it was unexpected for me. I find myself obsessively emailing her looking for reassurance and ways to cope with the situation
This is just one example though. I have a long history of obsessively looking for reassurance, I suppose emails is one way through which I look for it
This is something I'm not really understanding - I don't think my e-mails contain anything but data so I can't imagine a scenario where I would worry about the content - and as it's likely going to my aspie friends, I doubt they'd ever take offence.
What sort of subjects cause you stress?
