Autism and sexual desire

I wonder if the whole anxiety around rules is a big part of my grey-asexuality. I tend to deal with absolutes. So, yes, contraception works most of the time. But you could still be unlucky and be in the situation where your partner is pregnant. I don't want to have kids (partly competence, partly political). But morally I'd have to support them either way; a right to an abortion is also a right to not have an abortion. I don't believe I could handle that, plus the autistic yuck factor. So my absolute rule is no organs in orifices sex. But I have realised that I *am* interested in other options, at least in principle. And when my parents are no longer here, I'll probably need a partner to avoid being lonely - or at least it's one option. So I can't say I'm a pure asexual. But I can't identify as vanilla heterosexual/pansexual/heteroflexible either. Apart from the obvious (for a cis man, if you're sure, get a vasectomy), I think the bottom line is not to get anxious about it. Easier said than done. Anxiety is definitely related to autism!

Yes, I sort of felt it was all very unfair as this approach seemed to be taken by a lot of men and it was just accepted and laughed about ("Aw, he's a lad!").  I guess some of this comes under "***-shaming" but I felt attacked as a whole person because I thought I'd understood " the rules" based on what I'd learnt at a very rough comprehensive school.  Those "rules" clearly didn't translate very well into a university or workplace environment.  And to me that felt totally wrong because I'd had a hard time learning those rules and how to succeed at that version of the game.     

Mind you, that's a feeling I have in life generally.  A constant shifting of sands and neverending thoughts of, "Where is it written that..." or "How was I supposed to know?"

I've not seen this film but I certainly found myself hurting a lot of people in my younger years by seeking casual-only sex. Men seem to get attached to me but I just often wasn't that into them. 

Equally, I also wonder whether hypersexuality can be a problem.  I'm thinking of the character Saga Noren in "The Bridge" and the bar scenes where she turns up specifically for casual sex.  Yes, I know she's fictional, but I found myself identifying with some of this.  

I entirely understand. It's a natural part of the human experience so totally normal that most people would really want to experience it. But It also speaks of connection and vulnerability between human beings and there are few people the average autistic person trusts because society chews us up and spits us out on so regular a basis. Trusting a stranger with your first sexual experience is more or less terrifying. Yet for some reason the more the opposite sex knows us the less they seem to want to be with us sexually.

yep. As I've never done it and have thought about it almost every day of my life it has got to the point that I will try most heterosexual fetishes. But saying that, if I ever get an offer, it is likely that I would want to run away.

It's strange really because although I really really want it, I am also very very scared of it. 

Not in my case 

I think I've got a high sex drive but have never done it

I'm a grey asexual. I'm occasionally attracted to people, mostly when they're good friends, sometimes when I've misunderstood something they've said or they are just friendly and open to things I might want to do with them. Appearance has some influence but only minor and early on. Social skills issues definitely make it harder; I've learned how to deal with most social situations, but I either tend to run away if they seem interested or I assume I'm going to be seen as a pest and avoid such situations. One time I met a girl in a bar and within half an hour we had some (non-sexual) fun ... But it was at a kink event, and the only reason I approached her was because I thought she was somebody else! That's as close as I've ever got to picking up a girl in a bar, or dating for that matter. 

For me when I feel comfortable with someone I can do a lot of sexual stuff and I have a lot of sexual desire. Although I do like the idea more than the execution haha. It is different for all autistic people, im sure some of us are hypersexual etc

why not ?

oh. thats normal i feel like that sometimes with my partner. is their anything that is making you have the ick?

I've got the ick. 

thanks

welcome to this forum

aww im so sorry to hear that. what's going on? hugs michelle

I'm not bothered about sex either. I prefer to meet that need "solo". I'm having a difficult time in my relationship and it is very draining. 

I get the same and it confuses me due to being autistic 

Found this old thread really interesting. I am awaiting diagnosis BTW. Growing up my parents wern't overtly loving and I had no brothers and sisters. I had no idea about girls growing up except they didn't like the same things as me so I wasn't interested. I got sexual desires but I thought that sex was other people, not me, i thought only a few people were having sex. Going to a boys school didn't help

I have never really got the connection between talking to women and then having sex with them. Sex always seemed something rare and far away . I couldn't connect having a conversation with a woman then 5min later doing something very intimate, it always seemed very wierd.I was a Virgin until I was 30 and internet dating was invented. I got on with that as I could think about things rather than asking somebody out face to face. I have only slept with 4 women, but one of those is 15 years and counting. 

My wife and I rarely have sex, maybe once a month. We both have very busy interests  and only actually spend time with each other for maybe 15 hours a week when we are not at work/interests or asleep. Our relationship as really on the rocks until my wife got her horse and was happy again. We should have probably called it quits by no but I long for a stable place to live, being able to persue my interests, having money to do that etc over a regular sex life etc. The fact that we have both put on weight also makes sex unappealing. 

To be honest I would be happy to never have sex again if I could have a stable home life ithout money worries and retire to the sun in 10 years.

Do you mean impotence?