Autism and sexual desire

There is conflicting research in this area. Some studies suggest autistic men are more likely to experience enhanced sexual desire compared to neurotypical men (using frequency of masterbation as a proxy for libido) and that for women sexual desire is about the same as neurotypicals but less often translates into a desire for sex. 10.31887/DCNS.2017.19.4/dschoettle Other studies suggest autistic people have on average less sexual desire but are more likely to experience the extremes of high or low sexual desire than neurotypicals. 10.1371/journal.pone.0087961

One study in particular suggests autistic men experience above neurotypical sexual desire and autistic women experience below neurotypical sexual desire 10.1007/s10803-019-04204-9 (behind a pay wall) However this study also reports that 44% of the autistic women in the study self identified as lesbian (much higher than the 1st study and higher than their neurotypical control). The mean age of participants was in the early 20s and recruitment was by internet adverts and ‘word of mouth.’ In short I’m not convinced their sample was representative.

More generally I’m really wary of past attempts to characterise autistic people as asexual. It’s been used to infantilise autistic people before. It also creates problems for autistic people who are highly sexual. People may erroneously assert ‘well you’re too sexual to be autistic.’ Or say ’you can’t be autistic people you have a girlfriend / boyfriend or because you go around having casual sex.’ etc. Autistic people are hugely diverse and the one thing I think I can assert is we often tend to gravitate to extremes. So I find the 2nd studies finding that autistic people are more likely to be much more or much less interested in sex to be the one that rings truest to me and my personal experience.

I used to edit a magazine for alternative lifestyles - the thing I noticed with high-functioning auties and aspies is 'there are no limits'.    If you can think of it, and it's fun, and everyone enjoys the experience, then why not?    Lots of 'exploring the limits of sensation' stuff.

I used to edit a magazine for alternative lifestyles - the thing I noticed with high-functioning auties and aspies is 'there are no limits'.    If you can think of it, and it's fun, and everyone enjoys the experience, then why not?    Lots of 'exploring the limits of sensation' stuff.

For me when I feel comfortable with someone I can do a lot of sexual stuff and I have a lot of sexual desire. Although I do like the idea more than the execution haha. It is different for all autistic people, im sure some of us are hypersexual etc

u're creepy

Oh Wow!! Small world!!

I used to work as an outreach worker for care leavers before I became a social worker and moved to working with adults. 

Hi there

Because of Lockdown so all work from home. I cant manage this.

Thank you :

why are u the only one in your office ?  

BTW   Welcome to this forum

Wow!! your the 1st person who I have ever seen who has the same thoughts and feelings as myself. Sorry new to this group.

I think it kind of needs to be known.  Perhaps I'm a cautionary tale?  I'd certainly do some of it.  Some of it was giddying, elating, esteem boosting and enjoyable.  But I'd be open and honest about it, with myself as well as others (who might have thought this was the beginning of a proper relationship), I'd use barrier methods of contraception, I'd try not to go too far fuelled by alcohol, I'd discover cannabis edibles much sooner in life and use these instead of alcohol, I'd realise that I'm autistic and what this meant for me and my relationships and I'd cotton on to what was the mask and what was me. 

There are maybe too many "ifs" there.  Some of the things I'd did were best left in the imagination, I think.  It doesn't do to go around acting out scenes from your favourite films in some kind of delirious fantasy enactment which is very open to misinterpretation and severe judgement by others.  

Forgive me if i'm being overly inquisitive. If I am just say so. But if you magically found you'd become a 16 y/o again with all a 16 y/os hormones you'd do it all over? Just maybe more cautiously?

Exactly.  I still look back and wish I'd managed it all more safely though.  I was at risk and completely oblivious to that.   Plus, quite apart from wild oats it was also about stimming, feeling accepted (though preferably adored!) and somehow cancelling out the effects of bullying and rejection earlier in my teenage years.  I had thought I was completely undesirable as a result of this bullying and it turned out I wasn't. 

Yeah, the judbements bs. I too went through this....hey, women have wild oats they have to sew too.

I went & listened to this...."Night people, funky-but NEAT." Very interesting....will check out this artist. Never have heard this before.

Ah yes, I suppose I do at least have the consolation that there will be regrets either way.  And maybe some will envy me my misspent youth.  :)   I do wish I could erase some memories though, largely of the things I can't believe I did and which, upon reflection, may have been a bizarre outcropping of an ill-fitting mask.   

well I was referring to the sexual spectrum as opposed to the autistic spectrum

Jenny Butterfly said:

Perhaps I'm even more of an anomaly than I thought

I'm not convinced you are. There is a confirmation bias when dealing with autistic people that they are introverted and undersexed. People struggle to cope with the idea that you can be extroverted and desire social contact while not being very good at it or that you can want sex with out being very good at forming stable relationships. Of course there is something of a dichotomy of the sexes going on. I don't know if you've ever seen those youtube videos where they set up a hidden camera and have a young man or women go up and ask people if they want to have sex. Turns out about 1 in 100 women will say yes to a man who approaches them for casual sex but maybe 50% of men will say yes to a woman who approaches them for casual sex. I would say, for young women at least, good social skills are much less important for finding willing sexual partners.

I suspect most young people have regrets regarding their relationships autistic and neurotypical. Although if it's an consolation coming for a very conservative background I can tell you a youth of abstinence and chastity also comes with some regrets, life is not necessarily greener on the other side.

Ah, I'm afraid I didn't have the substantial social relationship bit.  I was more like Saga in The Bridge, where she goes out "fishing" specifically because she wants sex.  Huge urges, need for connection, stimmy satisfaction and a release for my imagination.  Sometimes a substantial relationship developed from this but most often not.  In bed afterwards, once I felt calm and able to speak more freely, I could feel my "partner" shrinking away and thinking, "What have I done?  This woman is talking about German poetry and existentialism and I want out!"  

Perhaps I'm even more of an anomaly than I thought but I think it also has to do with an (underdeveloped?) knowledge of social norms, naivety and ignorance of possible dangers?  It all allowed me to become extremely vulnerable whilst feeling (masking) confidence and elation, which I think does link in with being autistic.        

My early sex life was much the same. It is something I used as a bit of a superficial way to seek connection with people but obviously you need more than just sex for that. I've learned that now but to be honest I don't feel particularly connected to my husband on an emotional level most of the time. We just tolerate each other well!!! It works for us though. 

Sex generally evolves from a substantial social relationships/events with other people over a decent amount of time in most cases,  and autistic people have severe difficulties with this so most realistically autistic people will not be having a lot of sex. If someone claims that they are going about sleeping with this person and that person etc doing all these wild things they have to have been very skilled socially (even if you throw in some basic stuff about women what the alpha etc (thats another point, how many autistic men are going to be an alpha? I mean really?)  to try and explain it away) to get those experiences and that contradicts one of the core natures of autistic people. 

Autism in women is much much less well defined and understood and women (check the history, the research historially is much much more developed and targeted towards males) generally are more experienced in sex as men want women much much more than women want men (most likely with neurotypical men who are capable of the social skill needed, or they are just so god dam sexy any red blooded woman can't help but throw their selves at the alpha and the omega :) we are all just animals at base ;)  , this might be true in some cases but that won't be an autistic male) attempting to associate some sort of liberal sexual trait to autism especially from a female autistic perspective is just pseudoscience and is really unhelpful and logically is just nonsense and inconsistent with the well established other traits in autistic people. 

Definitely.

Agree but when I think about it, I actually did need some protection - well, of sorts, as I was clearly on a downward spiral whilst thinking I was having a great time and needed more of it.  Still, i didn't know that I was autistic and probably quite vulnerable too.  I didn't understand why it wasn't necessarily a good thing to get drunk then proposition someone at the bar.  I don't remember receiving any education on this but it was maybe perhaps included amongst all the other things that were supposed to be "obvious".    I do remember receiving lots of hate and judement though.  :(