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Is it possible to 'learn' non-verbal communication when autistic?

Emmsmum

Hi,

As the mother of 2 autistic children, I finally got up the guts to get assessed myself.  I was shocked to find that they would not diagnose me because my non-verbal skills were too good, other than that, I would've got the diagnosis. I've spent almost 50 years watching and observing people (I've even been challenged several times for inadvertently staring at strangers whilst watching them).  I can keep eye contact for a few seconds then I have to look away, but I'm a naturally friendly, smiley person (like my son) and I feel the assessor didn't 'get me' and took my learnt friendliness the wrong way.  I'm having to lodge a complaint which fills me with dread, but a correct diagnosis is very important to me.  Has anyone else come across this, or feel their ability to 'act' normal was used against them in an assessment?

Parents

  • There was a programme on channel 4 called Are You Autistic and it showed autistic children learning emotions with robots. It is still available on their catch up service as I only watched it the other day. 

    I personally think we can learn emotional cues, especially autistic women as we often spend time with neurotypical women who tend to be more outwardly emotional than their male counterparts. I think I am definitely hypersensitive to other people and their emotions. My own emotional response isn't always "right" but I'm very reflective and intelligent and can usually come to the right conclusions if I give things time and consideration. 

  • in reply to M

    Thank you, I will look it up and have a watch.  I'm hypersensitive to other people and their emotions and I told her this, but it seemed to me that she took this as I can understand emotions. Because I look and smile at people when I see them (because that's what my parents taught and prompted me to do), she said my non verbal skills were too good for a diagnosis.

  • in reply to Emmsmum

    Girls and women are taught by everyone to smile, especially at boys and men otherwise nobody will want us. I don't think it is surprising that we learn to do this personally. There is a lot of pressure as a female to look and behave in certain ways. I describe myself as a social chameleon with various personas to switch between to help me blend in. If that doesn't take some emotional awareness then what does?! I don't always get it right but I think if you are smart then you can learn the rules of the "game" that is life just like the rules of any other game. I personally love rules.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Exactly!  I find friendships difficult at times, but worth the effort because I sometimes crave that interaction, however, it is on my terms and I'm very lucky to have good friends who accept me for who I am.  Growing up, I recognised that a smile is an acceptable response and people have commented on my ready smile, which reinforces that I'm doing the right thing.  My sons go-to response is also smiling.

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  • in reply to Deleted User

    Exactly!  I find friendships difficult at times, but worth the effort because I sometimes crave that interaction, however, it is on my terms and I'm very lucky to have good friends who accept me for who I am.  Growing up, I recognised that a smile is an acceptable response and people have commented on my ready smile, which reinforces that I'm doing the right thing.  My sons go-to response is also smiling.

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