Gettting a diagnosis

Yes I do agree with you - I think my phrasing was somewhat poor there. I think that it is the recognition of an autistic identity, one which is now defined 'officially' as such, rather than just immediately 'becoming autistic'. 

I agree it is quite a tricky situation at your age. You don't necessarily need a diagnosis to self-identify as being autistic and learn about yourself by learning about autism from forums, books, etc (please don't worry about 'taking up space' on this forum, even if you turned out not to be autistic). If you did decide to pursue a diagnosis then bear in mind that you would probably have to tell your school/college and they'd want to support you. 

What I would do is take the online quiz if you haven't already: https://psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient and then you can use this to bring up the topic with your parents and see how they react e.g. "I did an online quiz today and it said that I am likely to be autistic/have Asperger's, do you think it could be right?".  If they are receptive then you might be able to discuss what you were like as a small child and this might confirm your suspicions. If they deny it then try not to let it get to you, because they are likely to have outdated ideas about autism.

I know it's really hard to talk to your parents about this (I am 21 and it took me months to get up the nerve to email my mum about it) but in my experience it's best to get it out in the open not obsess about it by yourself.

I'm sorry for the delayed response. For some reason my forum notifications started going to my spam email so I didn't see I was getting replies! 

I dont know about the size of the list. I think that is probably personal to each person! I seem to keep adding to my list.

In terms of high school I missed loads of it. I hated the chaos in corridors and the fast pace of the changeover. I'm someone that gets very anxious about being late, but I also wouldn't have wanted to be singled out as being able to leave early to get to my next class so I'm not sure what the solution would be. I just ended up making excuses to stay off school a lot. 

The autism assessment will not be pursued if your GP doesn’t believe their is a need but saying that many GP’s have very little and outdated knowledge on autism and make the mistake for not pursuing it when they it actual need for a diagnosis. 

many people who go for an autism assessment do not achieve a diagnosis for autism but in fact achieve a diagnosis for another disorder like ADHD or get referred by the autism assessor to another diagnostic services or support services for other conditions. 

Many people who have undiagnosed autism experience similar thinking you have explained and choose not pursue a diagnosis until they hit a crisis where they stuck in limbo on a waiting list for two years unable to get the support or help. 

What you have described sound like imposter syndrome where some rationalises that they making it up or faking when I’m fact their is something there.

their is an amazing women on YouTube called “Purple Ella” who can explain imposter syndrome better than I can. Look into her video and use the information to make a decision to pursue it further. She help me figure out I was not only autistic but had ADHD.

I don't think you develop an autistic identity myself per se, you are already like that and have been since birth. In my opinion I think a part of the benefit is that (similar to what you said) you can start to ACCEPT YOURSELF for who you are and not feel like you have to change to suit other people or at some point you will be like everyone else.

I think I partly agree with you, but at the same time, developing an autistic identity can be affirming for people - it certainly was for me. I now understand myself much better and with a diagnosis I can now get the support that I require in certain situations. If anything, my diagnosis has helped me appreciate who I am and explain some of  my differences.

I never ever thought I was autistic. It literally never entered my mind.  How I came to a diagnosis was my gf is , and I had serious problems in my life due to myself being autistic (unbeknownst to me) in an NT world and I thought well I'm pretty similar in personality and character to my gf so that might be whats causing all these problems. Got tested and thought nah it can't be and yes it was. Autistic people are not lists of traits in a psychology book they are representations of those traits (which are abstractions) in terms of their own lives each a unique case so they will assess you over multiple days about your own life and the problems you have. They will check and cross reference everything and there will likely be body language experts ( you will not be told this until after most likely) to make sure the diagnosis is correct. Its not something you want to have because this world is not built for us and it is a difficult life. There are also lots of commorbidities such as depression, anxiety, sensory issues etc and life expectancy is also alot shorter than the average, your bullied and abused more, less likely to be employed. Its tough. 

Only get a diagnosis if you have serious difficulties in your life and need to resolve them. A diagnosis will explain those difficulties and point to a way to resolve them. There are plenty of people who have autism and are not diagnosed and go about their lives fine. Its not trendy to be autistic. 

Thank you. I would hate to think we could have done something to avoid her having a harder time than necessary when she moves school. Your answer is really helpful.

Good luck speaking to your mum.

repeat post - reported

That is understandable. Some practical advise for you, perhaps, could be to compile some information about autism so that you can have a conversation with your Mum about it and explain that it isn't a bad thing, nor is it an illness that can be 'cured', but it's just a part of who you and many of us are.

I'm glad my words helped and I hope all goes well for you!

Thank you, I wouldnt feel comfortable self-diagnosing but the test and my own experiences do suggest I have autism. I think I will have to get the courage to tell my mum and ask for a referral. Thank you so much for the help and kindness!

I hope your assessment goes well! 

Hey there,

Perhaps you could answer the Autism Spectrum Quotient (https://psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient) this is one of the tools that is used to diagnose ASC/ASD. It will tell you your score afterwards and whether you fall within a range that increases your likelihood of having an autistic spectrum condition. Sometimes you will have to fill in the blanks with some of the questions since they are a bit vague. If you do fall within the range of having an autistic spectrum condition, then perhaps you could think about having an assessment.

It's a thorny area but if you do relate to the spectrum and have had experiences which resemble autism, then you could embrace the neurodiversity movement even if you don't have a clinical diagnosis. After all, diagnosing autism clinically is just one small facet of the experience and we are not defined by our condition.

As for taking space in a community that is 'not [yours] to take', I wouldn't worry about that - there aren't limited spaces in the autistic community as far as I am concerned.

For me, I definitely became more socially withdrawn at secondary school and by mid secondary school it became very overwhelming as everyone is in such tight-knit groups and I felt very isolated from that, also relationships take up a big part of secondary school life which I was just lost in. It took me a long time to properly make friends and I did not (and still dont) have a very big social life- this was much harder than primary as parents no longer organised 'play-dates' and I never knew if people even wanted to hang out with me. I think you become accustomed to saying and doing appropriate things but it was often so overwhelming I would go home and stay in my room away from my family for hours just to be alone and recharge. This is an issue I am facing even more so in college. I dont see why you shouldnt get an assessment, I think if I had noticed earlier it would have saved me a lot of worry and concern of how different and isolated I feel. I hope this was helpful (if a bit long), but I am not diagnosed so dont take my word as 100%!

Hi both. Thank you for your posts. I am a parent of a 10 year old with exactly the same fears. We both think she might be autistic but are worried we will seem as though we're making a fuss I we seek as assessment. She has a lot of traits but masks very well, especially at school. It seems to me that things can get a lot worse for autistic girls when they go to secondary school, so feel this might be a good time to get an assessment. Can I ask what your experience was of moving to secondary?

Thank you! How big do you think the list should be before I should address it?

I'm twice your age at 32 and this is also my fear! I've got my initial assessment next week. I think you should write down all things that make you think you are autistic and then see how big the list grows. I found this has helped me to feel I've got a bit more integrity because I've gathered the "evidence".