There's a special interest shaped hole in my life

My special interests alwaYs come when i least expect them, and from unexpected places. They seem to emerge when i have an extended period of downtime. I often think the best way to find a new direction is to lie on a beach for 3 months! My profession has given me an anchor for 25 years, but my passions seem to run in parallel and often become new jobs that i connect into my profession.

Yes, I think it can come back by reimmersing yourself in it even before the passion is back. I dropped out of my maths degree, had a five year gap, went back in and started to really really get into it in my third year. I spent my first two years getting into sport and german! And i ended up a lecturer, but in a very different topic.

Same here. Both my stints at University were followed by a long period of burnout and non-functioning. Where I am now provides a modest income and job security. It's not my ideal - but it's enough.

When it comes to a "special interest" I move around quite a bit, I think I just enjoy the delving, evaluating and synthesis of ideas more than the actual topic itself. I can get distracted pretty quickly and lose interest though. My reading at the moment seems to have slowed right down (a consequence of having a secure job, but working in an increasingly silly environment - read: people - which I find exhausting) and it's hard to pick up again.

I had burnout, on reflection, while I was at Uni twenty years ago. The following two decades were spent in an Internet-led vortex; some jobs, but nothing substantial.

My special interest is general knowledge. I'm a wannabe Polymath.

Disturbing in a nice way! I had the same thing with circus skills- I was obsessed for years and then it dawned on me that I was badly co-ordinated, slow to learn and would never have the confidence to perform. It was such a big part of me and it went so suddenly it was sort of terrifying to lose it. I was also not cool with the uncertainty of not knowing what would replace it, especially since chemistry turned sour around the same time and those things filled almost all my time and identity. Luckily though I lost a hobby and gained a partner so it was an improvement overall. And now I know I'm autistic and ADHD it seems less weird. Probably best to quit before I caused a terrible accident anyway- I'm not sure people would have let their kids sit so close to my knife-juggling on a tall unicycle act it they'd known how awful my proprioception actually is! 

Eeeek! Not sure if I'm happy to be "disturbingly correct" or not!!! 

I used to be obsessive about playing bass guitar though and once I knew I was moving away to university and wouldn't have the same friendship group I immediately lost interest in it despite the hours and hours I'd play every day. It still disturbs me now over a decade later that my passion was gone so suddenly. 

Now I'm realising I'm probably autistic it makes more sense to me though. I just hate the realisation that I may lose the love of my current interest and not knowing what may replace it makes me feel strange. I don't like the unknown. 

• Thank you everyone, that's really encouraging- except maybe that hookaduckduck is disturbingly correct about increased pressure leading to more jumping around and being motivated by wanting to befriend certain people. I have wondered in the past if it's scientists I like rather than science!  Hopefully it's both though.
• I work in a fancy private school full of the nerdy offspring of academics and I struggle to take myself seriously in comparison to them- they all seem to study competitively, effortlessly retain facts and be fluent in several coding languages and they're just kids. Sometimes I think if I had gone to that school I'd be just like them and that if I hadn't spent the last 8 years pouring all my effort into masking and battling with my anxiety and executive dysfunction that I could be an expert in something by now. Other times I think that if I was really interested in science I'd read books or watch videos on it, but perhaps the reason I don't is that I'm always too drained from my attempted adulting. I think I will take the plunge and do a physics degree. If I can start to prove to myself I can do it perhaps I'll start enjoying it too. And Jen, I'm seriously impressed you made it through an Oxford MChem.

This is exactly why I'm hoping to go back to research. My current job looks great on the surface, lots of opportunity, great salary etc but I am mentally completely wrecked and just can't go on. I have been doing some reading and I guess this is what autistic burnout looks like. It's so hard to explain to anyone who doesn't feel the same way how overwhelming things feel when everyone is used to you coping and doing a great job, but I just can't do it any more. 

Dear Dormouse, 

I am rethinking my path at the moment after leaving my highly paid job many years ago. I miss the financial independence that it brought though it pretty much emotionally broke me at the time. I think my advice to you would be to get all the help you can get. I have found that the years of struggle have made it very difficult and that I may have left it too late to go back.

I'm not great with words but I wanted to let you know that I believe that it is possible to find your way back. 

Take care of yourself.

I find putting pressure on myself never has the desired effect that I want it to. I end up jumping around even more. 

My interests tend to develop from wanting to be friends with someone though or fit into a certain group. My current interest is knitting and crochet. 

I agree with aidie. I made it through my first degree in Chemistry at Oxford (though I hated it) and then got a PhD in Engineering after a separate MSc in sustainable energy. Then I didn't know what to do next and got scared about the lack of career stability for early career academics and left research. Now 10 years later I'm applying to do a second PhD at the Wales Autism Research Center with every intention of building a research career this time around if I get it. It's never too late to give something a go. It doesn't have to be the science from school. I never even thought about doing psychology research until I saw the advert for the PhD before Christmas, and then I started reading and now it is totally my new special interest. Pick a topic that you think might lead somewhere interesting and just go for it. Even if you aren't passionate right now you will likely come across something that sparks your interest as you go. My science career has been and continues to be totally wiggly. Also Oxford is super high pressure and I am sure you will have a better experience if you try somewhere else. 

getting a good science degree doesnt guarantee employment but in your case i would recommend you go into academia and never come out. 

u dont have to be passionate to be able to do something --- the passion will come back as u progress through your degree ---- It has happened to many scientists they are studying say biology come across something in their research/study and suddenly switch to their new passion in data science for example. If you are able to jump between the sciences u will actually become a truly gifted scientist the type that ends up as the professor. I have worked with prof in biology who started in chemistry. I have worked with IT people who have degrees in accountacy, english, industrial chemistry.   

pick a degree u can do and do it, like a robot if need be,,,,,,, get the degree then follow it with a PhD. We need scientists, especially in bacteriology and virology.

think of your degree as like basic training in the army.  Get into the army then specialise in something. 

yes u can