Friends

I'm sorry to hear about that. I just have one friend from when I was younger and I was so upset when she moved 30 miles away. I'm waiting for an assessment of autism / ADHD / both / something else and have met some lovely people through neurodiverse groups. It's hard to think about meeting new people right away after such a rejection so please take good care of yourself x

Thank you that means a lot. I'm not sure how to find fellow people (apart from on this website). I don't really go out and find it really hard to trust people anyway (for this very reason I'm talking about). 

Plastic said:

I've found fellow aspies/auties to be the most loyal and honest friends you can have.

Hi, Katrina: 

I just wanted to chime in and say I absolutely agree with what Plastic said about aspies and aunties being the most loyal friends. Although we can have wonderful friends who are not like we are, if we are able to find even one friend who also has Asperger Syndrome, our entire social lives can open up.

I have found that to be the case with my adult cousin who also has Asperger’s. Between the two of us, we are able to have hour long talks daily by telephone and feel understood, heard, respected, cared for, and intellectually engaged!

If you are able to watch for them, Katrina, you will be able to meet people with Asperger’s syndrome, particularly if you join support groups for people who have it. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know that I am always open to making friends with people I meet in those groups!

For what it’s worth, please consider us here to be your friends. We are here for you! 

Elizabeth

Thank you thats really nice to know. I do like my own company but I would ideally want some people to talk to. Perhaps I just need to forget about people for now. 

u cant make people like you. They are judging you which is bad for them. 

please do not worry. 

u are quite capable of making new friends

for example,  i like you, i know am am just online but i am just an example.

alex__ said:

I find it interesting how I have managed to hold down a job in a contact centre when I don't enjoy communicating.

Exactly - you were surviving in a non-ideal place of work - massive stress!

It's what I keep saying - find your niche and pursue it - but also understanding that your life may not turn out to be the standard "married with 2 kids & mortgage" - find your happiness. 

My view on the situation as I am like yourself, I used to have friends as a child or teenager. But as soon as I went into the world of work and started my adult life, you soon start to realise that no one wants to know you.  I fought against it for many years and ended in disappointment for myself.  This caused me to melt down every single time then I took a year away from work and decided to look after myself. Then I realised I am not very sociable but I love typing on groups like NAS. 

I eventually found out in my year away from work, that I actually enjoyed my own company, and did not like to communicate with anyone, this is in regards to family members, my partner or even my son.  I find it interesting how I have managed to hold down a job in a contact centre when I don't enjoy communicating.

Be proud of who you are and the right friends will find you in time, if not then you always got us on NAS. I come on here now and again, I don't do social media as I don't like the idea of being watched.

Other than the odd scammer, people on here seem really nice, we all suffer bad days, every now and again but hey, we all have those.

In respect of your friends, like others say it will be tough. But friends wouldn't do that. Stay strong and keep smiling :)

When you find the right people, it will come naturally.    It's all about anxiety and panicking about what to say - so with the right people, you won't feel that pressure.    Being in the same room and each doing your own thing is often just as good as a conversation.

I believe auries/aspies can learn a lot from dogs or cows - dogs have very strict rules about behaviour and they crave calmness so they can be 'off duty' and cows are quietly social - they just like being around things that are predictable - just like us.

Those people were not your friends - they were just hanging around until something better came along - and they will treat everyone in their lives the same way - they are not being any different because of your character.

I'm an old fart and I have found auties/aspies everywhere where there are people who are experts in something - specialists in their fields or groups of people into things like history or science.

The perfect way to show this is on tv - "Salvage Hunters - The Restorers".   All of the restorers are so clearly Asperger's - they have all found their niche and so are comfortable in their lives  - the glass blowing couple and the young girl repairing lights are amazing.      They  are in an environment where anyone who wants to talk to them will start the conversations all about the 'thing' that needs to be fixed - that immediately puts the ball in their court and with their favourite subject so if the conversation gets too far out of control, it can be easily brought back to the original theme.

You just need to find your 'thing' where you just slot in to find people just like you.    Look at your childhood interests and find the 'grown-up' version like Lego or dressing up (CosPlay) and I'm sure you'll find people who *get you* and like to spend time with you.

I've found fellow aspies/auties to be the most loyal and honest friends you can have.

Trouble is I don't know how to be social

Don’t regret and do look at now and how to build your future.

join clubs, look for opportunities for development at work and social situations 

The worst thing about it is I have known them for more than 5 years, thinking they were there for me. Now I wonder how many years they wished I wasn't there. 

Sounds like you're better off even if you don't feel like it right now. You deserve friends who appreciate you and feel enriched from having you in their lives. I don't have a single friend outside of work and even though it can be lonely, I prefer it over having people who try to change me ️ you're not alone! Sorry if that doesn't help.