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Partner refusing to consider autism

Julia
over 3 years ago

Hi everyone,

I hope you're well. I'm writing here because I don't know what to think anymore of my situation...

I've been in a relationship with this guy for about 2-3 years now. I've suspected early on he might be autistic and got more and more convinced about it overtime. We've spent the past year living together and I'm almost certain he's on the autism spectrum with possibly ADHD as well.

But he doesn't want to believe it or even consider it. We've had very bad fights in the past on the matter where we stopped talking for months. He would say I'm obsessed about fixing problems and to stop bringing it up. When I point out his symptoms, he either stays quiet or excuse it by saying it's his personality.

[Edited because realised after posting/from replies that my message was offensive. Apologies.]

I sometimes get tired about his atypical behaviour and caring for it, and mostly the fact that he doesn't want to aknowledge his peculiar difference. Even though he can openly talk about his suffering from typical autistic traits, he doesn't want to hear anything about health and especially mental health. He prefers to mask and cope in denial rather than admitting there might be a bigger situation at play.

So, I don't know. Has anyone lived through a similar situation here? 

We love each other, but some days I'm just not sure I want to be stuck with his denial and the possible health complications it can involve forever...

Thanks in advance for reading and for any help or insight you might provide.


[Edit: rewrote some parts, as I wrote this too carelessly and was inadvertently hurtful. My most sincere apologies.]

Parents
  • over 3 years ago

    Autism isn't mental health. Dealing with autism may lead to mental health issues, but autism is a condition or a disorder, it's not a illness.

    That means it can't be 'cured' and it means that someone can be autistic and in perfect mental health. So don't talk to him about mental health. Talk to him about the issues he's encountering that may - or may not - be due to autism, and things that can help address those.

    One of those things may be going to his GP to start the process of understanding why those issues are arising. It may be autism, it may not, and an independent objective assessment will help find out. That in turn can lead to an understanding of appropriate responses and approaches to address the issues that he's encountering.

    Try switching your focus. Address the issues, not the label that leads to them.

Reply
  • over 3 years ago

    Autism isn't mental health. Dealing with autism may lead to mental health issues, but autism is a condition or a disorder, it's not a illness.

    That means it can't be 'cured' and it means that someone can be autistic and in perfect mental health. So don't talk to him about mental health. Talk to him about the issues he's encountering that may - or may not - be due to autism, and things that can help address those.

    One of those things may be going to his GP to start the process of understanding why those issues are arising. It may be autism, it may not, and an independent objective assessment will help find out. That in turn can lead to an understanding of appropriate responses and approaches to address the issues that he's encountering.

    Try switching your focus. Address the issues, not the label that leads to them.

Children