Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
I hope you're well. I'm writing here because I don't know what to think anymore of my situation...
I've been in a relationship with this guy for about 2-3 years now. I've suspected early on he might be autistic and got more and more convinced about it overtime. We've spent the past year living together and I'm almost certain he's on the autism spectrum with possibly ADHD as well.
But he doesn't want to believe it or even consider it. We've had very bad fights in the past on the matter where we stopped talking for months. He would say I'm obsessed about fixing problems and to stop bringing it up. When I point out his symptoms, he either stays quiet or excuse it by saying it's his personality.
[Edited because realised after posting/from replies that my message was offensive. Apologies.]
I sometimes get tired about his atypical behaviour and caring for it, and mostly the fact that he doesn't want to aknowledge his peculiar difference. Even though he can openly talk about his suffering from typical autistic traits, he doesn't want to hear anything about health and especially mental health. He prefers to mask and cope in denial rather than admitting there might be a bigger situation at play.
So, I don't know. Has anyone lived through a similar situation here?
We love each other, but some days I'm just not sure I want to be stuck with his denial and the possible health complications it can involve forever...
Thanks in advance for reading and for any help or insight you might provide.
[Edit: rewrote some parts, as I wrote this too carelessly and was inadvertently hurtful. My most sincere apologies.]
How is his relationship to his family? There might be an explanation for the complete denial in there. If he has had a poor relationship he might have a strong desire to be different, but incapable of doing so.
Also, as a newly diagnosed autist, I was in a similar situation with my wife. I really tried to live a "normal" life, but it was a bloody iron man. I was burned out, stressed out and just sad all of the time. All of which is not a good foundation for selfcare, reflection or progression.
He sounds like a man who needs to step out of "the world" and get filled with positive energy.
Also, it's important to consider how frightening the label of autism is to have. You might be afraid that people will exclude you - and unfortunately some will. To this day, there is still a large stigma regarding autism.
However, getting to know your true self is a true gift. And in fact, the life of my wife and I has never been better since I learned about my neurological wiring.
I'm autistic and ADHD. And let me just say that it is a real double-headed dragon. The ADHD tends to get me into situations which my autism can't handle. So I've felt "naked on the stage" so many times in my life. At times it really felt like I failed being human.
I get ya there brotha !