Avoiding eye contact altogether in public

It's comforting to know that I am not the only one who is troubled by this. I wonder if it would be useful to ask a NT person for advice or if they wouldn't be able to give a strategy themselves.

I've always avoided all eye contact unless someone engages me in conversation. I tend to have my eyes down and in supermarkets and just generally out I don't consider this rude as I am just minding my own business. 

I do make effort to make eye contact with Cashiers and other people I have to talk, even the greeter at supermarkets. I am never the 1st person to see someone I know as I don't look that far in front of me

I'm happy that your Mum has given you advice. In my generation autism in girls wasn't a thing so I was often told throughout my childhood that I was rude because I was afraid to talk or look at people.

I think meltdowns can depend on how you're feeling at the time. If it helps you feel more at ease do it. For me, every interaction is frightening incase I miscommunicate something but when I'm in a good mood I can engage with people quite easily. I love smiling underneath my mask in the shop and actually feel safer around people than I did pre coronavirus.

Some people recommend looking at people's eyebrows, rather than in to their eyes.

Yes, it is a problem for me. Can be a problem if you are male and in a tough area, if you accidently make eye contact with another man it can lead to the aggressive response "Are you looking at me?", amusingly covered in this Youtube clip:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=lCb1OJGe9aA

This is one of my greatest pains, I absolutely hate it. I usually spot people very early on and never know what to do.

What I usually end up doing, is to look at my phone or the shops/building I pass until I get close enough to say hi. Or more likely, for them to spot me and say hi first.

It does occasionally happen that I feel so awkward I pretend I’ve not seen them at all.

I've for a long time wondered the answer to that question too.

Great advice here. I hope you don't mind me asking a related question:
If I accidentally bump into someone I know in public then I can usually recognize them from quite far away (say they are walking the opposite direction on the street). At this distance it is too early to greet the person. My question is, what should I do with my eyes in the time between recognizing and greeting the person?

I just look long enough to see what colour eyes someone has.

Then if I feel like I should look again (after a few minutes) I try to decide what colour their eyelashes are.

Regarding eye contact, I've done too much, not enough and everything in between. It's a lot easier to maintain eye contact when you're drunk, but I don't wanna wake up with the hangover. The worst thing for me is at interviews when there are three or four people there. I had no idea where to look. I can just about manage one person, but four! 

Making eye contact has always been a problem for me, In public, I really don't make any eye contact.  I've never looked at anyone straight into the eyes before. I know the feeling, I feel like it is rude, But it always made me feel unconftable. 

No, me neither. Its sort of a half forced smile. But yeah I think if you have a smile it means your open to a conversation. 

You’re so welcome! I should add that I don’t necessarily find it easy to do what I described doing. It’s just something that I’ve learned and it’s really blessed me with some lovely interactions with people.

Elizabeth

Maybe I should smile at people more. It just hadn't occurred to me to do that. Thanks for your input.

I appreciate the advice, thank you. 

But yeah, now I'm an adult it's best to keep a bit of a smile on your face. And to glance up occasionally. This way you sort of fit into the crowd.

Hi, Roswell:

Thanks so much for your post. I think I understand why your mum might’ve given you that advice. I thought I would share, however, that when I am in public I keep a pleasant smile on my face and look briefly and politely at people, for the reasons you mentioned in your post. I do this even when I am wearing my COVID-19 mask because I find people can see I’m smiling, in my eyes.

I actually find that at least half of all people give me a smile back. I also find that elderly people and mothers with young children, and the children themselves, seem to appreciate the smile and we can even strike up little conversations about the innocuous or funny things happening around us. I’ve had some pretty amazing little interactions with people in these circumstances, usually in stores, and I don’t live in a small, stereotypically “friendlier” sort of a town.

I think because it’s so rare for people to smile or be willing to engage with others in public, when it happens not only the people directly involved but those around them seem to be lifted by it and appreciative, including me. 

The one exception is that I don’t do this with men because I don’t want to send them the wrong signals and/or cause them to feel uncomfortable.

Thanks for reading this and thanks again for your original post. I hope you’re having a great day,

Elizabeth

Yes, sometimes this is the best policy. When I was younger I would be wondering why all these people were looking at me. I hated it.