Struggling with work

I have had the same problems since starting work in 1987 , People have their own agenda and they know that we are easily upset and cause us to feel the way you are describing . My work coach has told me not to bother looking for work anymore .

The anxiety and  upset caused by my last dissmisal was blatent discrimination but HR departments know how to word things we dont understand .If you have a phone, record what people are saying to you as this will be listened  to by HR and not the kangeroo court procedures they use against us.

Later in the year a work programe will be starting so i am going to give it a go one more time before i give up on ever working again .

Yes, exactly this! It was horrid.

I actually quite admire the big boss man and was quite crushed that to think he was targeting me covertly. 

I do really struggle with uncertainty. I can work with something if it is clear but I can not navigate a murky swamp with a dim pocket torch. The rug was really pulled from under my feet.

Thank you so much for your words. They really helped.

Thank you so much for your response.

I have not been diagnosed with autism. I have autistic friends and they recognise it in me. I definitely recognise it in me and my son is on the waiting list for assesment. I scored 37 on the online test. A test also suggested I lack empathy but I really don't think I do. I might lack complicated emotions but I care and relate to the feelings of others. I want to ask to be referred for diagnosis but I keep thinking they wont want to know because they are busy with covid. I worry that I won't be believed and will be dismissed.

When I was a teen, I was sent me to psychiatric hospital. It's obvious now that I was autistic but back then they literally diagnosed me with "A little bit of everything". I know, it would be laughable if these people didn't hold so much power over vulnerable people. The children were abused in that place for many years and other professionals knew about it but did nothing. Some tried but ultimately we were abandoned. I lack trust in authority, authorities and institutions because of this. Asking for referral, to me, is like poking a sleeping bear. I'm afraid to do it.

I am very fortunate in that the big boss and departmental managers are actually really good when it comes to the needs and wellbeing of the employees. They also know me and I get on well with them. They are actually really approachable. The company however will work people out of the business if they are 'not right for the role' and this is where me fears came in. I thought perhaps I had proved wrong for the business without noticing.

I have told them that I am pretty sure that I am autistic and I know that if I tell them I need something, they will genuinely do their best to accommodate me so I should know that I am more of an asset than a blight. Perhaps my fears got the better of me.

I still asked to reduce my hours and they agreed. I think the hours I chose would benefit both myself, my child and the business, so everyone should be happy. I am looking forward to when the reduction comes into effect.

Thank you

After having a good read through, I can see a few things: 

Someone has told you to watch your back. This is always taken as you are under threat. Not any old threat either... it’s the big boss man! This is always going bring about these types of feelings. Because they haven’t really explained anything further this has then left you in a state of uncertainty which is terrible for autistic people. Plus, there is also that feeling of potential change which you don’t know anything about also plays into things further. 

I'm sorry you have experienced times like this. It can be traumatic.

I'm really glad you have found a way that works for you.

My employer has decided not to move me! They have decided to jiggled a few people around and they had a rethink about me. I think perhaps the person that told me had omitted a few details that totally changes the feel of it. Initially it was clear it was directed at me specifically but clearly they were either not privy to all the info or they just didn't think to mention others were being considered for reassignment too. Now that I have more info, I can see the plan in my mind and I think I understand the workings of it.

I don't mind moving if it is beneficial to the company. I'm bendable if I am working WITH someone. My distress was at the thought that I was on the cusp of realising I was being moved because I had failed somehow and no one could tell/help/direct me first.

I am so used to bad employers and nasty colleagues and being made a target of that being led to think I had been targeted again, secretly, really affected me.  I guess that technically it was on over reaction like Raspberrypie said, although not if the info given had been correct in full.

I thought I must have been missing some obvious signs. It's awful when you are happy and suddenly you realise it wasn't actually happy for anyone else. You start getting paranoid when you feel happy. It's easy to feel like a failure when this happens and you get scared of being happy or content because you think the cycle will repeat.

If I ever need another job I would probably look at factory/assembly line work. I do really well when left to my own devices with a hands on task. My favourite job previously was packing boxes at a printers. I excelled at it too, although I didn't know hat until someone told me. I never watched how others worked or progressed. My boss hated women though so I resigned because I was utterly miserable under his rule.. He ended up in jail for beating his girlfriend.

Thank you for your response. It is always helpful and comforting to know you are not alone in your experiences.

Does your employer actually know of your autism?  And if they do, have adjustments been put into place?

Your struggling at work reminds me of my problems.  And it is just the sort of thing Access to Work can help with.

They recommended adjustments for me (and remember most adjustments are not costly or anything that is unusual.  They are made to help you do the best you can, to work to your skills not your limitations.  And your employer is obliged to put reasonable adjustments in place for their disabled employees.  And autism can be classed as a disability if it affects your everyday life, which clearly it is doing.

Access to Work can provide training for your managers, a support worker for a couple of sessions a week, and supply funding for other adjustments if they are reasonable and your employer cannot afford them.  You do not have to pay anything.  My support worker was a great help, acting as an intermediary whenever problems arose and explaining what was expected.  Above all she helped to explain that what sometimes appeared as insubordination was due to my autistic traits and explained to my employer how to avoid problems.

All this depends on you informing your employer of your autism, but they can do this for you if you do not know how to bring it up.  Access to Work have their way of explaining things to your employer, and remember there are laws and remedial action you can take to prevent harassment, but a good employer will understand that you need help. 

Above all it should be a cooperative venture and not something to worry about.

I would try to not worry about things until they happen. The manager of your team might want you out but the manager of the other team would need to have a space for you and actually want you, if you say you wouldn't like the job then why would they be hunting to have you? 

Your manager can't just decide for everyone else is what I'm saying. Also your "friend" might be gossiping because NTs have a need to have information and spread it about, it's like they like to exchange information and favours and if they don't have real information or the information they have isn't interesting enough to get good trade they will embellish a bit to make their information more valuable. So they might be tying up your manager being asked to help the other manager with recruitment with you being shifted just to make their information more valuable. 

I know how you feel, I too have been through these problems. Are there any others jobs you would like to do, where you would be working more on your own? That's what I do now, and I get more time to myself and can go through things in my head and almost recharge ready my next social interaction. 

hopefully it will work itself out... sounds like you've thought everything through! 

Lennie said:

request a reduction in my hours

good idea

Thank you raspberrypie and aidie. I really appreciate your input guys.

I am not being driven out of the company but the big boss wants to remove me from my current role. A role I have dedicated myself to and worked really hard at because I genuinely enjoyed it. I can't go into details, partly because I don't have all of the details and because I can't say anything that might reveal the persons identity.

I don't believe I am over reacting. I am reacting in a way that matches what is happening and how I feel about it. It doesn't matter whether I simply don't care or am distraught. Both reactions are valid and neither over the top or not enough. 

So, while I am probably not being driven out of the business altogether, I will be removed from my role and sent to another department. 

I don't know where I will be going and I don't know why. I won't enjoy any other role they have as much as the one I am in.

However, today I lost all my passion and drive for the role I loved so much. It isn't unreasonable to find it difficult and upsetting. It's ok for me to feel emotional and it's ok if I have a full blown meltdown about it.

Having considered this and other factors, I have decided to request a reduction in my hours. I can then ensure I have time for things I do enjoy and can dedicate more of my time to my child. So I expect that it won't be so bad in the end.

you have a choice here

1.  be the positive empowered person you where which is good for u and your co-workers. In short continue to enjoy your job !

2.  stop enjoying your job,,,,,,,,and become defensive, paranoid, grumpy and irritable,,,  which is not good for u or your coworkers

this type of thinking comes from --- Marcus Aurelis + Zen teaching ( i found it amazing, when I found these  2 agreed  - on this point )

um, i think you might be over reacting, although, that being said, i will concede that there's lots of pitfalls and road blocks possible for people like us. but, if you love your job and everything - i think that's a big positive. i never liked any job or place... i'm not trying to disregard your difficulties and pain, just trying to point out a positive.