Unexpected start of assessment process tomorrow and it's thrown me

I asked my GP to refer my for an assessment in July / August and was told the waiting list was 12 - 18 months. In the meantime I decided to go private and am awaiting my assessment in January. Another reason for going private is that I feel I would get a fair assessment as the place has lots of experience with women. I think I mask very well.

I received a letter yesterday from the NHS referal place (for various reasons I only opened it yesterday when it was dated 27th Nov) to say I have an appointment tomorrow.

That's the only information on the letter - an appointment. So I rang up today and was told it's going to be a conversation to discuss development and family history. She said it's not necessary for my parents to attend but would help (it's an appointment over the phone). She said a more formal assessment would take place in due course at some point in the future.

I'm stressing out about this now. I wanted time to prepare so I don't miss things (even when I visit the GP I prepare cos I know I miss silly things out that might be obivous for some people to say but I only think about it afterwards). If I hadn't rang up, I woudn't have known anything about this as the letter just says "appointment". I've no idea what they are going to ask me so don't know what to prepare anyway.

Also the fact that my parents *could* attend but I haven't been brave enough to approach them about possibly being on the spectrum yet. I was working my way up to that as it's been asked they attend when I have the private assessment in Jan.

I'm still going to keep my appointment tomorrow and the private one in Jan. But it's going to be on my mind all tonight. It's just really thrown me today and added to an already stressful day with work. With the word "appointment" I was expecting more of an informal chat with a view to them saying "yes we will asess you" or "unfortunately we can't assess you".

I'm not looking for any answers from anyone. I just wanted to put it out there.

  • anxiety is usually caused by the struggles with autism

  • Hopefully they will pick up on masking things due to experience. 

    I have bad anxiety and wonder what comes first? Autism traits or anxiety? Or is the anxiety because of autistic struggles? Similarly I overthink it with other issues too lol.

    I've got to wait at a minimum until March, most likely later.

    Watched some of her stuff too. Its good. 

  • I think this is my last stop. I'm paying for a private assessment. The place comes recommended from NAS and they have a lot of experience with females. I just want a fair hearing is all! It's difficult. ..I'm a very "internal"  person.

    From my CBT sessions, I wonder how much of it could be anxiety. But then there are sticking points which make me think "hmm...there's more to it". How long have you got yo wait for your assessment? 

    Yes she is relatable altho.....it'd be nice to see more autistic northerners. I feel I'd relate more. I like Anna Moomin on youtube. 

  • I came across Yo Samedy Sam just today! From what I've seen so far she seems so relatable. 

    It's all a bit of a roller coaster isn't it? I have similar thoughts. Some days I'm like yep, I'm autistic. That makes sense. Then I'll pick up on things that don't fit the stereotype and doubt myself.

    I've also contemplated the possibility I'll be told I don't have autism. I'd possibly go for a second opinion. But then it's all subjective. 

  • I'm reaching out. I've struggled today. I have a private assessment coming up which I have decided to keep.  I made further notes today about being on the spectrum. Despite me having had limited socisl situations this year due to covid, and not much changing in my life for thr past few years which has meant very few new socisl interactions, things were coming back to me that YES I DO have difficulties in life. And have had in the past. Cumulative effect being anxiety. Things which gave me problems in the past dont seem to now, but new challemges present.  And I've come across a new youtuber called Yo Samdy Sam which has given me a lot of food for thought. She mentioned "micro rejections" and this was something I was trying to get at in my notes. But she has given me a word to explain what I was trying to mean.

    Two days ago I was saying to my partner "who am I to think I'm autistic?! Who on earth do I think I am?! What am I doing!!? Now I feel very much like "I DEFINITELY am!" and I'll be confused if my assessment turns out to be a no.

    Roll on January. 

  • Sounds like it was quite a tough experience. Especially with the assessment bring done in such a surprising way.

    I do wonder if the doubt has something to do with requiring facts. It feels like the whole process is very subjective.

  • yes i felt a bit like that, u will be overthinking for a while.......... let it fade .........you did nothing wrong ........ let it fade.....

  • I have felt like a fraud these past few days. I feel the assessment went ok but have felt uncomfortable in myself since. Like I'm making it all up or being overly dramatic. But I just spoke about my own experiences. 

  • But if that's the outcome which is right for them, then that's fair enough.

    I agree Slight smile

    yea thats the way i went in ---- i thought i had maybe at worst had "social anxiety" but came out rather shocked with autism. But i wanted the truth so i could do something about it. 

    yes you have the correct attitude which i think is quite important and actually part of the healing/acceptance  process.

  • But if that's the outcome which is right for them, then that's fair enough.

    I don't want a label. I'm not wanting to pay for something so I get a positive AS outcome. I'm doing it because i need an answer about my life. One way or another. 

  • cancel it i say , I'm sure u can rebook the private one again if need be.

    I'm happy it went ok and whats a few (9-12) months now.  you're on the correct path which is great.

    BTW the private ones can drag on more then u think and some people who have paid, I have seen here, ended up with the diagnosis they didnt expect ( they expected autism and got ADHD  ) and got very upset they had paid for it. 

    in mean time feel free to join in here

  • Yes I agr.  It wasn't specific in the letter. I very nearly took it at face value and just assumed a general appointment.  It was only the fact I had to ring up prior and give a phone number because it was a phone appointment due to Covid,  that I asked the nature of the appointment.

  • Hi Aidie thanks for asking. It went ok. The person was very helpful & friendly and asked me to elaborate on things. I'm glad a) I had checked what the appointment was about and that b) while I hadn't had time to prepare, dug out the notes I sent my gp. If I hadn't done that I wouldve been floundering. I'm no good going in "cold". If I didn't know it was an assessment, I wouldn't have dug my notes out and wouldve found it hard to answer sufficiently. While questions were asked,  I feel the onus was on me to provide the info. I could do this having read up about it for a long time and having notes to hand. I had the foresight to expect general questions like "what's prompted you to go for assessment? " which I find difficult. ....well, how long is a piece of string? The fact I was expecting this and had my notes made it easier. 

    They said I had provided some good information, but I have to wait some months for the next phase. At this stage now, I don't know if I should keep my private assessment appointment in Jan,  or just cancel it and wait for the next part of my nhs one.

  • Hope today went well.

    Some of the things these autistic places do confuse me. A cohort of people well known to want facts and information are given minimal info and sent on their merry way. Makes no sense!  

  • Thanks raspberry pie. Imso tired from today in work, I haven't got a clear head but I'll allocate some time this eve to do a list of bits of what I think. I suppose I should've rearranged the appointment but it all caught me by surprise and I thought it'd be too short notice. I'l l be doing it in between my classes that I teach.

    Maybe I'm reading too much into things.

  • best of luck! i'd try to rest today, if you can, and get a good night's sleep... for me, since i'm disorganized, i might make a list, in pencil, so i can erase... highlight stuff in colors... try to get the high points. simple stuff, hopefully. not a lot of detail.

  • Sounds super stressful. Hope it all goes ok for you.

  • Thanks, Aidie. I have read so many times on here that other people have been anxious in the same situation. Now it's my turn!

  • yep its natural to be anxious. 

    make out a list of all relatives who u suspect of being autistic/adhd /weird

    make list of any occasions u where anyone said u were autistic/weird/loner/"on drugs"