AS or introversion?

Possibly Autistic, it sounds like you could be on the spectrum so it would be logical for you to take a few online tests to see if your suspicious are supported.  

I also need to spend time on my own. If I'm in a situation which requires a lot of talking or interaction I need rest. This happens in my job and I've learned the hard way in the past as it had built up every day without me getting rest.

I do also feel more emotionally sensitive than my peers and have often wondered why they seem to be able to just "get on" in life, even though things are obviously stressful for them too. When I moved in with my partner ten years ago it was INCREDIBLY difficult. I couldn't understand it. We have since bought a house together.  I now know it takes me a good two years to acclimatise after a move. Both times it felt traumatic. 

I woukd also like to say that I think if anything in my life gets unbalanced it can cause extreme anxiety. Like, i have been looking into getting some experience in a different department at work. Its not a massive change, but an addition, and it all caused me loads of anxiety the other week. This is a pattern I have realised only past few weeks.

I get the crying as an expression of anxiety. For me,  frustration too. This is something I look back on and did a lot of in my teens and twenties. Like, I didn't know how else to express or understand my feelings.

Love the interest you had as a child! Very niche! I want to talk to my parents about my development but don't know how to broach it.

Hi, 

I'm really curious about this question too. 

Increasingly over the past 5 years, I've been trying to work out if I'm 'just' a sensitive introvert, with social anxiety and mild depression or if I have ASC.

I'm a woman in my mid-forties (no kids, so no hints there about my genes) who works and studies. I need to rest a lot outside of work/uni. and stick to low key activities. I have a need to spend a lot of time on my own. 

I do seem to be more emotionally sensitive than my peers and cry easily when I am feeling emotionally overwhelmed (happens quite frequently). 

I notice that sometimes I cry at odd times but the common factor seems to be that a change has just taken place and that it's an expression of anxiety. I have also noticed that my executive function becomes impaired when I'm extremely anxious and feeling overwhelmed. 

The previous comments about struggling to connect and converse with others in large groups ring true (I can manage 1:1 and small groups ok), but feel lost in environments where I have no clear purpose or role. I mostly avoid these types of social settings. 

I walked and talked 'early' when I was young, but my mum can't exactly remember the age. My parents can't remember too much about my early life that was unusual. Both of them have characteristics that could possibly be interpreted as autistic traits, so I may not have been different in their eyes. I remember having an early interest in ship chandlery wholesalers and light industrial goods suppliers (the first 'book' I read was the yellow pages as it had adverts for these types of retailers). My dad has described my ability to focus on things when I'm interested in them as like 'a ballistic missile'. 

Does any of this sound familiar to anyone (especially women who have received a diagnosis later in life)?

Yes, it's being able to assess when somebody is just making small-talk with you or has a real interest in something about you. That can be hard enough for anyone to deal with. I think one of the uses of small-talk is to 'feel one another out' to see if there really are areas where real interests coincide. 

I agree with what you say about making logical responses. For instance, I have learned over the years, when my partners mum asks "how's work going?" (obviously she is interested in my job but) it's more to just open up and get a conversation going. So a reply of "its going ok thank you" I now know is not enough! This is something which i have had to learn as I grew up and have been going through life. I can do chit chat and there's different levels of chit chat. I know chit chat is to see if someone is on your wavelength or just to pass the time. I know this and can often do it well but it takes effort. I have said to my friend it's like a graceful swan on the surface, paddling away underneath the water. 

This bit about "conning" others. I have a good friend who is extremely sociable. We generally meet up for a couple of hours when we do. I have noticed on the times when I have spent a full day with her and my socialising has gone well (despite being so tired) that I feel like I'm going to get "found out" like, there's only so long I can get away with it.

lostmyway said:

After all, do other people who are introverts experience the same challenges? I don't think so because just because you are introverted does not mean you cannot socialise when you choose to

This is precisely what I'm trying to get at.

I don't know if I am good with body language or not but since I have realised I'm on the spectrum a few things have stood out which suggest I do have difficulties to some degree.

out_of_step, exactly, What you were doing is what I tend to do which is to examine what someone says in detail and then try to a make logical response, which is time-consuming. What most people would do is make general remarks without worrying too much about whether what they have said is exactly pertinent. I guess this is because people on the spectrum tend to pay a lot of attention to details and consequently overload their brain in trying to make a response that they feel fits the info they've been given. We tend to forget that the purpose of chit-chat is to try to gauge whether someone is affable and easy to communicate with, even if they are really putting on an act, which some people are very skilled at. It's all about creating an impression and not so much about taking too seriously the subject matter of the conversation. This is why, for example, someone like Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was able to seem like a promising young man and be attractive to women. Really, he was as cold as ice but he could 'appear' sociable, warm  and charming, even if underneath, he was anything but. I know this is an extreme example but I make it simply to illustrate a point. And that's another thing, i.e. that people on the spectrum tend to be open and honest which is probably why they don't like to intentionally 'con' people into thinking they are something they are not.  

I too, used to think I behaved this way because I was introverted, (which I am to a degree) but now I tend to think it's because I share certain issues with others on the spectrum. After all, do other people who are introverts experience the same challenges? I don't think so because just because you are introverted does not mean you cannot socialise when you choose to. Out of step, maybe you are not great at reading body language, I can't say as I don't know you. Social interaction is often more than about what is being said because language can be used to mask someone's true feelings. This is yet another hurdle people on the spectrum have to struggle with although I don't wish to make sweeping statements as no two people will experience the same challenges. "When you've met one person on the AS you've met one person on the AS."

I think also what I'm trying to say is, perhaps introverted people, even if they didn't like a social situation could still follow a conversation (or more than one conversation) and be able to participate. 

It's been commented when I have attended the few work do's I've been on that I was quiet. The people saying this said it with surprise, a bit. In work,  knowing my role, I am not quiet. But in a more free social situation I am because I can't follow things like others do, don't know how to respond sometimes, don't know when to come in, what's relevant etc.

If it was down wholly to being an introvert, would it not be a case of being quiet at social do's AND in work....

It's really hard for me to think about what you have posed because I haven't been in a new social situation for such a long time, with the exception of what I said below. The people I have in my life I have known for an awfully long time and I know where I stand with them. 

Thank you for the replies. I think what I am trying to say is, what do my difficulties boil down to? It could be a number of things. 

The other day I had a video call with someone I've never met but we know of each other. It was work related. I was fine when we were talking about work things but when it was general chit chat I felt I struggled as general chit chat wasn't the purpose of the meeting. However, as we both had to get to know each other, I know that chit chat is necessary.  She wouldnt have noticed I was out of step. There were some things which just required a normal response but often i laugh or go "that's good" or "oh no". Maybe like boiler plate responses. Because i dont know what to say sometimes. She gave me time to fill in with more stuff after these little responses but i didnt have anything else to say. Its a bit like my brain was working harder than usual by speaking to this new person so that left less capacity for other things. Often only I notice these things but I know it's there. Also, some bits of our conversation were implied and I struggled with that; I'm used to people being very direct. Also she went quite fast and I felt that I needed time to process what was being said and how it related to my situation. When the meeting finished I still felt some things I did not know but I shoukd have done. Nevertheless I made a good impression and got what I wanted out of it. 

I know introverts who are chatty; they just need to be in the right company.

Apologies if I offended you by using the word ASPIE. I know this is no longer classified but thought it could be used interchangeably and most people know what was meant.

out_of_step, a thought does occur to me which might relate to what  you are saying. That is, I have found that although I can begin to (or try to) relate to a person I don't know very well, at some point the things that they seem to assume are common experiences, for me, are not, so I find it hard to keep the conversation going and just pretend I understand what the person is on about. The trouble is, before long it gets very tiring to keep up the act and I don't seek that person's company anymore. This seems a bit selfish but its just my way of avoiding stress. I think you know the kind of people you 'click' with or, at least, have a good chance of clicking with. But I believe things like introversion/extroversion and other aspects of a person's demeanour are separate elements of a person's psychological make-up and don't directly affect their AS tendencies, although this may be an over simplification, I'm no expert. I do know I don't like going to cinemas anymore because of the potential noise of people eating crisps, snacks, etc. They may even allow hot snacks to be eaten nowadays I don't know, and if so that would send me crazy and I would have to leave since I wouldn't be able to concentrate on the movie. Coughing too, would drive me round the bend, although I appreciate people don't do it on purpose.

i think that if you were an introvert, you probably would be reluctant to be sociable at any level? On 1:1 level you can socially mask but with multiple people around you, the social masking becomes too much of an effort :(

I'm ok with 1:1 as long as I am comfortable with the other person. Often it can be 1:1 and just a bit awkward esp if i dont know them. I'd say 3 or 4 is the best number as I can chip in when I want but don't get overwhelmed. There's less onus on me if there's 3 or 4 to keep it going.  1:1 does require more effort. 

In group situations I try to be sociable but struggle. So I can be quiet but still want to be sociable. I DO make an effort. A massive effort, but often feels it's not enough to get by. The other people probably don't notice. I feel like often my partner carries me in social situations.

I teach for my job. It's far easier teaching 15 adults than trying to be sociable with 10 extended family members/in laws at christmas.

I guess the simple answer is what are you like on 1:1 situations? If basically you are OK BUT when is a big group withdraw into your shell then you are more likely to suffer from AS. Also, if you are become familiar social situations ie see the same same shop keeper or cafe staff member regularly and build up repour over a period of time. If your are introvert, you will be all  the time. I find that I can hold a conversation with someone, even a stranger in 1:1 situations. But with many people around eg family events, Christmas parties etc, then I can't really be bothered to be "sociable". I make an effort at the beginning but give up ny the end of the evening.

So I don't class myself as shy or introvert, especially with people I have known for ages. But I am more wary in unfamiliar situations and struggle to remain sociable in large groups - especially in noisy/busy situations :(

many people are !  there is the whole Mindfulness / buddhist crowd, they have been at it for centuries.  So you are not alone.

Quite a few people here are troubled by their mental state and are seeking also.

Because I do meditation regularly this seeking is reducing for me everyday. Reading Marcus Aurelis writings daily is also helping ( a book i got by accident ! )

Marcus Aurelis ( just one paragraph ) stated ( i'll  paraphrase ) that Nature prescripts us with ASD / other illness, like a Doctor prescribes medicine. When a Doctor gives u medicine you just take it and get on with your life u dont question it ----- so do the same with your ASD / ADHD / illness ! 

a profound statement indeed. 

this is like my new attitude to my ASD 

So keep up the quest, it will be worth it in the end, eventually, I believe you'll arrive at a solution 

Why am I so obsessed with trying to work myself out haha 

you just sound out_of_step to me