High Functioning Problems

Hi Chris, as someone who would very much like to be part of society, I'm hoping that things with ASD (ASC) do not necessarily get worse with age.

Actually, in my family, I have found some aspects of improvement with age. My dad, I now am pretty sure, has (and has always had) all the telltale signs of autism. Over the last decade or so, thanks partly to retirement and also other factors such as that we are talking more about feelings, he seems to have developed some of the parts of communication that he used to struggle with.

By this I mean he is actually 'opening up' about things. Previously how he was feeling would spill or 'split' out and it would be negative and pretty much involuntary. With the opening up, it has been his active, personal choice to share things. Plus, the difficulties he's sharing is now being done with compassion and understanding for himself. This would be unheard of until the last decade for him.
   

One question though, as I have seen a couple of these types of thread recently about does it get worse.

I've noticed that the lockdown has presented an environment that seems to edge more autism symptoms to come out. It's certainly been the case with me, and I've observed slight nuances of it in friends.

So, the question is, do you feel that the lockdown period this year might be a factor in why you feel more robotic at the moment?

Or, is this a trend that had begun since significantly before 2020, say?

Welcome to the forum and thanks for an interesting question.

Thanks for the reply - do you feel your dad feels more at ease with less absorbing his brain since retirement? I really feel that space is so tight and can imagine removing work from that space opens it for something else, something more thoughtful perhaps?

I think the lockdown, initially, was great and simplified things removing a commute and having the schedule changed under such circurmstances was fine for me as it wasn't a decision I could make it was just done. The longer it has gone on the harder I have found things - to find time, space and peace and quiet seems so much harder and the stagnation of day in day out with variation is tough.

How have you found lockdown?

Thanks for the welcome :D

I think the lower demands of retirement have been very beneficial. Definitely more at ease. He was a teacher and hated work in certainly some key/obvious respects. He struggled hugely with the expectation of his boss (headmaster) and the parents. Yet, he never got tired of the subject itself.

So, in retirement, he gets to enjoy his special interests. He is mostly free to do what he wishes to do and does those studiously.

I guess some aspects of modern life become a bit more challenging - such as working out electronic devices - but he gets by ok as long as he has someone to help him out.

So, some things have improved, some things present newer challenges. He's in his 70s now. He's physically and mentally fit and has been much calmer since retirement.

I've found lockdown to be a mixture of some parts easier, some parts tougher. It's very much cut me off from having connection with neurotypical people. I found, pretty early on, that the only people I am able to regularly connect to in lockdown were fellow Aspies.

This troubles me a touch as it creates an echo chamber and holds back my learning processes. I feel I need neurotypical people to help me stay in touch. If the connection with them is cut off, I fall behind in understanding them and I feel myself drifting away from much of society.

I totally understand how too much masking can be tiring. On the other hand, getting disconnected in lockdown is be cut adrift.

I note how our situations are perhaps rather different so our experiences in it are too. I started lockdown with a partner. When it happened, the time in close quarters became a nightmare and, within a few weeks, things deteriorated. Too much pressure in a small space and we broke up. It was very sad to see a 4.5 year loving relationship go to dust so quickly.

Each relationship is unique however. I'm currently doing a huge amount of reading on a strand of autism called Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) [thanks to this forum for finding out about it]. PDA has certain traits which see to apply to me quite keenly - one of those is a strong desire for personal freedom. Given this fact, it is not surprising that being cooped up inside a flat made life very hard for me - and therefore also a knock on effect of things being very hard for my partner (who I don't believe is totally neurotypical either)

I wish you the best of communication with your family and I hope and have faith that you will find the right ways to get the space and time you need to recover and recharge.

Nice to meet you Chris

Good to meet you too and thank you for another lengthy response :)

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship too. The PDA is something I'll research, I definitely suppress my need for my own time, greatly, to be more of a family man.

I think this whole response is really interesting as it is all about time - much appreciated food for thought, thank you.

Good to meet you too and thank you for another lengthy response :)

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship too. The PDA is something I'll research, I definitely suppress my need for my own time, greatly, to be more of a family man.

I think this whole response is really interesting as it is all about time - much appreciated food for thought, thank you.