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Is this an example of a shut down?

Deleted User

Not to go into details but today there have been some let's say, miscommunications between my partner and I.  I have noticed this has happened quite a few times recently. We were in the car park at the time.

After it happened we had to go to customer services in a shop for something so were "back to normal" but then we got bsck in the car I just went really quiet. I felt sick. My head felt funny. 

It was like when you get bad news and you can't concentrate and feel weird in the stomach.  That's how I felt. This is completely disproportionate to what had happened. I haven't been able to get past this feeling all night.

We got home and my partner knew I wasn't right. He came in to give me a hug but I didn't want it but took it anyway.  He thought it was one of my anxiety episodes. It wasn't.  He wasn't aware of what had set it off.

I went to do a workout to make me feel better but it didn't and I ended up crying.

I was trying to work out my emotions after that. I think cos this thing had happened a few times recently I just felt like giving up when it happened and thought what's the point. I didn't want to talk about things because I couldn't concentrate for the feeling in my head as described above. Also, I wasn't sure how to explain myself and wouldn't do myself justice so I would end up appeasing in the situation (it's usually me which ends up apologising often because I don't fully understand the situation).

I have been quiet all night.  I feel like its made me go mute. I think it's more the feeling in my head which has caused this rather than the actual situation itself. Like I have not wanted to talk or do anything and I have found it hard to concentrate on anything because of this feeling in my head. I feel like I have just shut down and its all going on internally. Yes the situation has cheesed me off but I'm not sulking. It's like I can't form words or thoughts properly.

Then I thought could this be a shut down. I don't know. I woukd be grateful for any insights.

  • in reply to aidie

    Thank you Aidie.  I couldn't see anything on there which I could relate to this situation but can see how they could relate to other situations in my life. Everyone is different though.  I don't have a diagnosis so dont feel qualified to add my comments to the thread :-)

  • Hi 

    here is a collection of shutdown experiences as expressed by people in this forum.

    https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/16980/autistic-shutdowns-collection---do-you-experience-these/128707#128707

    Feel free to read them and indeed please add your experience to the collection

    just replay to the thread and cut'n'paste in your text

    thanks

    Heart

  • in reply to Plastic

    The "panic" episodes come out of the blue. I think it has been a slow drip effect over a few years to the point where it all overflowed. I think I didon't notice the dripping and didn't pay attention to it.

    I don't know how I'd cope in your situation at work as it's never happened yo me to that extent. I think everyone has their ways of coping. Separating yourself from the situation and re-configurating sounds like a good way. (I think others would just kick off...) For me I think I cry when I don't know how to deal with emotions.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I'd guess that panic attacks are just a different side of the same coin - you are aware of being overloaded - the stress is in front of you - you just can't escape it easily.        I think a panic attack is where subconscious stress catches up with you while you're not paying attention so they pop out of the blue with no obvious conscious trigger.

    I've had a couple of major meltdowns - one big one was at work after I'd been messed around  and lied to over some big things to extreme levels - but I was able to get to an upstairs plant-room and do it where no-one would find me and I'd have the time to sort myself out properly before re-entering the world.

  • in reply to Plastic

    Yes internalising stress is bad and I'm slowly getting used to talking about it but it often doesn't even occur to me to talk to someone. I'm not sure that I've ever had a melt down. Apart from when I threw the ironing basket once when I was tipped over the edge with emotions and couldn't cope. It was the only way I could express my feelings. 

    Sorry to hear about your immuno-disorder. I'm wondering if the strange anxiety/panic episodes (not related to my thread) which I suffer from could be due to internalising things.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I think overload would lead to meltdown or shutdown eventually - when you aren't able to stop the unwanted inputs or separate yourself away from them.    Adding more to the overload would cause something to give - meltdown is most easily observed - crying, flapping etc. but a shutdown is just the same but internalised.       I tend to go that route - I can't process any more so I stop functioning and go mute.      Unfortunately, in a work environment, it is taken as capitulation and agreement with the situation so it's not very helpful.       I go into an autopilot mode where I would get myself home and it might take a few days to process what's actually happening for me.

    Internalising stress is bad - it caused me to develop a stress-related immuno-disorder.

  • in reply to Plastic

    Thank you for your reply. What do you think the difference is between overload and shut down? I tried to read my book about a subject I'm really enjoying (I think it could be classed as an interest) but I just couldn't concentrate for the feeling in my head. It was more that than the situation itself which caused the problem last night.

  • More like overload - too many inputs left unresolved and needing extensive processing to make sense of - so you separate yourself and let it all churn around in your head until the stress level drops to an acceptable level.        It's a good time to stim or do a hobby - as rude as that might seem at the time - to be able to concentrate on something soothing and controllable - it has the ability to push all the turmoil sideways out of your mind until it doesn't bother you any more.

  • And also that I wouldn't be able to get my words out right because of this feeling in my head. And so I've stayed downstairs for now while he has gone to bed, I'm not mad at him or anything but I just need time alone. 

    I went on my meditation app and was looking at the different topics for an appropriate track for my mood then thought I don't actually know how I feel. I just felt blank. Then that prompted me to come on here and question if this is a sort of shut down.