New here! 30 year old Female seeking assessment

I've added you back. I don't seem to be getting notifications.

I’ve sent a friend request :) 

Great. Yes I can't seem to find where to add you. Once you have a profile please add me. I've seen a thing on my profile called Groups. Maybe we can do a group chat through that.

Yes! Same here, married 6 years together 13 and only just opening up about what’s inside my head (about character daydreaming, hearing multiple layers of sounds, misunderstanding intentions, that type of stuff). We’ve had so much difficulty in the past communicating and it’s just been such a relief finally being able to talk. It sounds strange to say it but it’s literally like finally learning to speak the same language (or at least like having a translation book!) 

That would be great! You can add friends via your profile page by clicking on the users name, then choosing “connect”. Then, we will be able to direct message to set up a group. But to do this I think each person needs a profile set up to accept friends. I haven’t got a profile yet, so I’ll see how to set one up today and we can all chat :) :) 

This all sounds familiar. For me the hardest thing is trying to get people around me to understand why I am the way I am. Relationships can be hard. I have been married for 26 years and only just opening up to my husband about what really goes on in my head. Finally taking off my mask.

It'd be lovely to have a chat but not in a public forum! How do you send direct messages? Itd be good if we could have a little chat group going with SLJ and P1nkG1n but I have no idea how to do this and I'm not on social media.

SLJ said:

Ever since I was a teenager I have felt confused, detached, different, numb and a feeling that I am always on the outside looking in all the time. I have felt like everyday is a battle with something, nothing comes easy, socialising and relationships are especially hard but I feel it effects all aspects of my life and I have found that things I see others doing easily, I struggle with. I don’t understand why I struggle so much and why previous strategies that I’ve learnt through counselling etc and medication just do not make any difference.

Life has been hard for me too. I think we should pursue our goals and let nothing deter us from what we want out of life. You have to let your bad past go, and focus on the future, because by your words, it looks promising. 

Hello SLJ, out_of_step!

I can relate soooo much to ALL of what you are both saying. I’m 37 and in the middle of getting assessed. So far the psychiatrist has identified autistic traits but no official diagnosis from an autism team. I originally sought help for depression. I’ve struggled with anxiety and mainly depression since being a child, and have been to a few therapists to help with this but nothing lasted long term. But this time it’s been a completely different experience, it’s almost like lockdown made me realise ALOT about myself, I just burnt out, and being told about may be being on the spectrum... I research it and started reading people’s experiences and (just like yours) it was like finally other people going through the same! So much makes sense now about everything you describe, about how I’ve felt growing up...everything. My family never suspected me anything but typical but did notice things like me being quieter as a child, spending lots of time alone, getting upset with change, etc. My sister’s son is non-verbal autistic. So it may well run in the family.

It’s so good to not feel alone in all of these. If either of you want to chat please do, it would be lovely :) 

I used to worry a lot about social situations but as I am getting older, understand myself more and am being more accepting of and kinder to myself. I don't worry about them as much. This doesn't mean that things are not still difficult but it doesn't play on my mind like it used to. I am who I am and can't change that. I met a friend today and it was quite difficult in parts and normally this wouldve been going round and round in my head but I think - she knows what I'm like and obviously wants to see me, even if conversation is a bit difficult! 

It's that pushing through isn't it. Yes, pushing through not just busy supermarkets but life in general. For me, it's been pushing through and not actually realising how difficult things have been. 

Eye contact is interesting. When I first read about it, I thought "no way, I have good eye contact". But then started noticing that actually I DO find it uncomfortable. Its like the other person knows something that I don't.  Or they know a secret about me. I struggle with tone of voice. It's hard to tell if people are winding me up or being genuine. I have a good active listening face though (skills which I've honed from doing a short counselling course).

I seem to repeat a lot of things like stuff off the telly or bits of adverts etc. Its often things which are amusing to me because of accents or a play on words or the rhythm of words. Like, I like how the words feel in my mouth or the sing song of a phrase. Or songs in general.

Do you follow other people in social situations? I've found in the past that I can take on the mannerisms, or ways of speaking of someone who i must think is very sociable. I've also noticed, since reading about ASC , something which is so inbuilt into me, it's automatic and unconscious is that I can, in a split second copy micro behaviours like laughter. I noticed once in the office someone said something and I wasnt sure how to react, but my chatty friend laughed then I did. It's hard to explain, but it just happens so quickly I don't even know I'm doing it. I'm more aware of it after its happened now though. Other times I can consciously follow what someone else does because I don't know myself. Most of my friends are really chatty and sociable so I get plenty of cues from them.

You need to talk about your positives! It's not being arrogant or anything like that, but being sure of yourself. This will come probably as you come to understand yourself more.  Everyone, on the spectrum or not, has so much to offer the world. Although I know it's hard when you constsntly feel like you're up against it. 

Good luck! Feel free to PM me if you ever want a chat.

It’s definitely hard trying to identify the difficulties isn’t it! I find it so hard to talk about as to me it’s just been my “normal” for as long as I can remember... though now I’ve come to a time in my life that I want real answers. 

My main Difficulties are definitely social and anxiety... I feel like I have to think about every thing I do and say and have always been a huge observer. I used to say I people watched but I think it’s more of a protection thing now I think of it... I always overthink and think people are thinking the worse of me... I always worry about what people are thinking and whether I’ve said the right thing... I’ve always been incredibly insecure and not very confident. I’m really bad if there is lots of background noise and my eyes constantly drift around the room as I find it hard to focus. Sometimes I become very overwhelmed by places such as gyms, shopping centres and restaurants. I push through but I’m very aware and will avoid situations.  Eye contact for long periods of time can become Uncomfortable.  I have never trusted my own decisions and always seek reassurance.  I have a couple of good friends and have been single for 3 years.
I also like to plan ahead a lot! Sometimes it feels like I put a constant mask on... it can be exhausting.  I think i stim a lot without realising.. I have a nervous cough at Times and have also been told that I laugh at lot in social situations ( sometimes laughing at things that aren’t very funny ) I also find it very hard to sit still and often move my legs about ect... 

I’ve also been told that I repeat a lot of stuff... for example if we are doing something the day after or having something for Lunch or dinner... I’ll say “ what are we having for lunch”  and will repeat this several times 

My strengths are that I’m very empathetic and able to support others, including in my job. I am also an auntie to two gorgeous nephews and love this. I must admit I find it very difficult talking about myself and identifying positives. I know this is bad. I think this comes from never really understanding myself and not having a strong sense of identity. 

My sister will be attending the assessment with me as she knows me better than anyone and i live with her also. My mum has helped to fill out a developmental questionnaire but she finds it very hard to remember things and only really says that i was quieter than my sister 

I feel the same even just about going to my doctors. .that I can't explain it properly. I'm sure the people at your assessment will be very experienced and know the right questions to ask. For me, if someone asked me a direct question I woukd be able to answer,  but when it's more "free style" I woukd find that difficult. 

I know some of my other struggles are social. I have friends, I have a partner. But it's not always been easy. An example being. ...put me in front of 15 students for my job and I can be quite charming and interact well. I know the roles. Put me in a house with 10 of my in laws on boxing day and it's ever so difficult. (Who do I talk to what do I talk about. Was my reaction ok? I didnt get the gist of what they said. Im trying to think of something to say in return. Oh the conversation has moved on now im lost. Il just sit here like a lemon eating a sausage roll. The lights are too bright. Its too hot. I dont reslly give a *** about asking someone if theyve been on holiday this year and i think theyre not bothered either. ..)...) I also think sensory comes into it. When I have struggled with my partners friends on a meal say for instance,  it's all the background goings on which I think have also made it difficult in the past. I know it's not shyness. I have the confidence it's just sometimes I ferl I don't have the tools to do it correctly.

I think frustration from finding expression of emotion is a bigger one than I have realised.  I think it could be misconstrued as spoilt child syndrome when in fact it's not that I'm not getting my own way, it's that things were not as I expected them to be or frustration that I have been misunderstood.

Another one is if I get interrupted on a task. I find it difficult to pick up where I left off. The sheer frustration that I've been interrupted doesn't help either.

I can't deal with change. Unless it's on my terms and under my control. Only when I moved house did this become apparent.

There's many difficulties. I've plucked those out of thin air.  I suppose if you were to be more specific in the question I could answer it better :-) 

I know as a teenager I had depression because I felt I was out of step with my peers even though I was part of a peer group. I've always been anxious. I would spend my mornings before school heaving. 

I think some thjngs are not difficulties but idiosyncracies of just how I am. I really accept how I am more these days (coping strategies eg go outside for fresh air on boxing day instead of sitting there with too much input all night) but I need confirmation either way in order to deal with the anxiety of life which I have. I am coming off my tablets as they don't help me.

What would you say your difficulties are? Also what woukd you say are your strengths?! Are you having any input from loved ones for your assessment?

Thank you so much for your reply! It seems we are so similar!  I completely relate to what you are saying. It’s so nice to hear from someone who understands. It’s just so hard to explain... Like you said it’s a constant second guessing of yourself and over analysing everything. 
what are some of your other struggles just out of curiosity? I must admit I’m so nervous about the assessment as I’m worried that I’m not going to explain myself properly as I find it hard looking back and explaining reasons for my actions ect... probably because I truly didn’t know the way I felt at the time! 

Well done for you too for seeking support! In the past I have always just been given tablets and told I have anxiety and depression but it just feels like more to me 

Hi, I really feel for you and can recognise a lot of what you say in myself. I am almost 35 and feel that things which people seemingly can get on with in their life or make decisions about I find incredibly difficult. Or that I get really frustrated by things which other people don't seem to bother about.  I totally totally get what you mean about making decisions and don't know what to do or how to feel.  I have realised that I can often make decisions based on other people's feelings or reactions because I don't know myself at the time. It's like I use other people's emotions to inform my own.  I seem to have some sort of delay.  At my counselling session when he was asking me about my feelings I said I didn't know.  I also don't know how to get out of situations or don't have the courage to (which is to do with self esteem. But if I could make decisions better that would probably give me the confidence).

You are making the first step in moving forward in your life. I made the same decision last week. In order to understand what I want from life, in order to negotiate life better, I need to know what my strengths and limitations are so I'm going to my GP re seeking diagnosis.

You just know when you are different to other people. The constant self analysis is tiring.