Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, so my name is Matthew and I have Aspergers but also a few other things going on which I’d like to ask about as I’m not sure how serious they are. So first thing is my anxiety. After a phone call with my GP she’s put me on Sertraline but I’m too scared to take them because of the side effects. I absolutely hate feeling or being sick and as a result I won’t take them. If anything its made me even more anxious. But in two weeks time I have to call her back to let her know how I’m getting on. So that’s awkward.
My next problem, which is my biggest one is this. In my head I have what I think of as an invisible friend, but not a friend more just an acquaintance. In my head I hear her speak, sometimes to me and sometimes to herself. She warns me against certain things and sometimes tells me to do certain things. Her mood can change in seconds and living life has become difficult because of this. She can be aggressive to other people and lately she’s been telling me I’m a failure and should die which is depressing for me. At the moment phone calls with the doctor are the only way of getting professional help unless you’re really poorly. I’ve tried so many times to tell my gp about this but I don’t know what to say or how to explain it. Explaining it here is difficult enough without having to do it over the phone. I’m at a loss now.
Yes I'm not sure what dose his GP has prescribed him. For my first psychotic medication (not Sertraline) I was prescribed a minute amount with which to start so that was reassuring. I also had a phobia of psychotic meds as I was brought up by my parents to feel that mental illness was a controllable mood, being mentally ill was weak and meds were 'the easy way out' etc. So if he's worried maybe asking for a smaller dose might help? There are other things that can further ensure you don't feel sick; my GP prescribed me small doses of diazepam in addition but that led to an addiction so I don't think that's a good idea.
Don't know whether Matthew's GP is aware that Matthew has a phobia of being sick, though. I can see how taking something that you have a phobia of wouldn't be an awful lot of use for anxiety... Only a minority of people actually do feel sick on sertraline, though, you didn't, for instance, so maybe if he tested it out for a few days and it turned out that it didn't, in fact, make him sick, there wouldn't be a problem any more?
Hi Matthew, I was also put on Sertraline and for me it was OK. I'm now taking something else but not because Sertraline had serious side-effects - it just wasn't working for me. There was no withdrawal at all for me. If your GP prescribed them I'd say trust her advice.
With the invisible friend, as already mentioned by others I think you should tell your GP exactly as it is. If talking is difficult, could you email it to your GP? I don't think having an invisible friend is a problem per se; I imagine and talk to dead people or fictional people when I'm stressed or trying to sleep and have no-one else to talk to. But yours sounds harmful and out of control. Do you really hear the voice such that it's audible to you like a real person talking or does it just play in your head? I think you might want to make that clear to your GP. If it's taking over your life and telling you you should die, it is an emergency and qualifies as 'really poorly'. Hope you get help soon and glad you decided to talk to us.
Everyone has internal dialogue, but it doesn't sound like my internal dialogue... Does it sound like anyone else's?
Yep. I didn't think of that because I never do with ours because there's something wrong with the e-mail at our practice and you can't trust it, but you could do that.
Or put it in an email?
Well, you can always put it in the post, then. If you don't know the address it'll be on the Internet. What my GP says to do is to write "Private and Confidential" on the envelope, whether it is or not, if I want to make sure she'll get it - that way they have to give it to her personally, unopened, rather than somebody at reception opening it and then probably sticking it in their brimming in-tray and losing it.
Hi Matthew, best advice was already given by mouse2, take the above message and send it to your gp. It's very clear how you are describing it.
Fastest way could be in an email, just copy/paste, send it and see about a reply.
On the medication, if it's the right medication for you it can change your daily life in a very positive way. In the beginning it's going to be a bit weird, and it can take up to 2 months before it really takes full effect. I take escitalopram, in the beginning it was really strange, but now I realise it changed things a lot for the better. I perceived everybody around me as a potential threat and competitor, and now I see people that may or may not be able to help me and I can cooperate with, it made a shift towards neutrality in my brain and perception. I still have the ability to defend myself and compete, but this should not be the default, it's too tiresome. It's a bit like a new tv. In the beginning you notice something different, but after a while that tv becomes the expected standard.
Everybody has what they call 'internal dialogue',
Thanks for the idea, it's a great one but not currently able to actually go to the surgery cause of the virus. That's why it's so awkward.
I would print off your above initial message and send it exactly to your doctor. Obviously with your name. If I struggle to explain, I spend a few days writing a letter. I hand a sealed letter to reception and my doctor calls me when shes able. I find it helpful
No she just popped up out of nowhere one day. And her response are her own, I don't control her or make her do anything. It's basically like talking to someone who is right in front of me in the same room.
She voices opinions on what I'm doing but also on her own stuff as well. And no I've never had thoughts of changing my sex. I feel we are two very different people and that's why I'm worried about it.
Did you create this friend? (like in childhood or as an adult if you felt lonely?) and make up her responses to your conversation? or does it appear to be like if you were talking to someone externally in that you wouldn't know what they were going to say until they had said it?
Are there any others? Does 'your friend' only seem to voice her opinions on what you are doing? or does she appear to have her 'own life on the inside'
you mention you are male but 'she ' is female...have you ever had any conscious desire to be a different sex to what your body is? or do you feel you (and your friend) are definitely two very different people? (like you would be if she was a real life person)