Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
For as long as i know, i've always been this way!....over analysing matters....whittling things down till theyre no longer there almost....exhausting matters to oblivion...Its the complete taking apart!
I have learnt some techniques to reduce this...but ive had countless people throughout my life(before i was diagnosed) stating " you never believe anyone" "you think youre so clever, why do you pretend to be intelligent" ....I think this last comment is a mistake on their parts as thats not what im doing....but it must come across to NT's as pomp and ego.....to keep chipping away at a matter.....but it seems to be an ocd funk i cant get off...Its really annoyed alot of people throughout my life...including myself.
I find it hard to have faith in things....if that makes sense!....i always seem to have deep seated doubts...and thats what leads me(i believe) to chip away at every angle on a matter to see if it will stand true...
Im convinced this exhausts me mentally(i obvious conclusion i know) but its only just dawned on me at 51yrs old, that it fatigues me so much!
And without going down the( proverbial rabbit hole ), its really all fear!...
Doubt and feeling that i have to check matters are real and wont hurt me....anxiety !..
Yes, I can relate to that..
I analyse just about everything to death. The worst are upcoming social situations where I try a predict what will happen and rehearse my actions. It's simply the way I am wired and explains why I dont like change or the unexpected! It also makes me fret and worry and in certain social situations (where I have no control eg a noisy cafe or a busy shop) I can get quite "snappy". So it was hardly a surprise when I was diagnosed last year at 55 :(
Wow! This is totally what I do. It’s also why I’ll never go to my partner’s Father’s house again. It was always a calm predictable place and then they jumped on me over brexit, just out of the blue. Now the thought of going back causes instant anxiety.
45 waiting for diagnosis!
NHS or Private ? I hate to think how long the NHS assessment waiting list is these days?
Sad but true I'm afraid. But if you get a diagnosis it will be worth it. You shouldn't be put through the assessment unless they are pretty sure they think you have ASD or ASC as its known now.
It still took a bit of time though.
Saw GP to ask for Private referral February 2019.
Saw Psychiatrist May 2019.
Saw Psychologists July 2019 (my referral got lost!)
Consultation, ADOS assessment, Further consultation (with wife) July/August
Diagnosis 15th September 2019
My NHS assessment took around 9-10 months!
Was NHS, Now GP referred to private due to 3 year waiting list.