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Bullying

Oscie

I am anxious as my boss has scheduled an unexpected meeting with me and hasn't told me what it is about. Every time she does this it means someone from my team has made a complaint against me. I and a couple of others have been bullied by the majority of this group for over a year. Each new boss (on our third) can't get a grip on it. Anyway, as I have a ASD it is doubly difficult for me to cope with this. I am so anxious that this new boss is out of her depth, so the easy way out is to make me the problem. Anyone have any ideas how to cope with this? 

  • in reply to mouse2

    Thanks .. it's so strange looking back on all the difficult situations I've had .. I reckon if I knew then what I know now (ie that I'm an Aspie) I would have been able to build better coping strategies. Now I can laugh a lot more and step away from situations .. I lean towards believing that the bullies actually have their own stuff that they're dealing with .. and so deserve sympathy.

  • in reply to NAS65871

    I typed the above on my phone, I've just seen so many mistakes but you get the picture. The other lady they took on left a higher paid job to work there. The verbal agreement was a set wage. She questioned it as her contract said a lower wage. They said it goes up after 3 months. It never went up sadly. Awful people

  • in reply to Up t'North

    That's horrible, sad that you endured it too. I'm glad that your self esteem is being raised

  • Now that I read this thread I realise that I was bullied a lot when I worked for other people/companies. I just didn't have the vocabulary to defend myself. I really was reduced to tears (as a 40 something male) by a boss who seemed to enjoy making me feel uncomfortable. I'm better at managing it now but I totally *hate* confrontations of any kind. I've been working on raising my self-esteem for a very long time and now I think I'm getting there - a bit ..

  • in reply to mouse2

    You were too good for them. 

    They ARE closer to chimps than anything else. 

    NTs only want shite. They don’t want success or good in thier lives. 

  • in reply to NAS65871

    Thank you all for your wise words. I have decided that I am fed up with all the meanness and I am planning to retire early next year .... life is too short and my mental health far too important. Some people will never change. 

  • I can only go by my old work place. The owner and manager were best friends. It was very peculiar as the manager would ask the owner things like 'have you drank enough today? ' or 'make sure you eat ' more like a weird mother type conversation. Their other 'joy'was picking on me. I wasent sure at first if that's what was happening. I'd ignore it. A co worker heard the manager one day and stuck up for me. The other co worker also picked up on it. We didnt know why as I was the most productI've in the office and bought in money. The manager took all of my commission. If I asked about it I was told in my contract commission is discretionary. I'd ask whys my break shorter than others yet I wotk more hours. Theyd say swings and round  bouts. 

    I'd even work free from home. I'd complete jobs the manager couldnt do and then gave to me.

    Anyway, theyd pull me into a room to belittle me. The owner and manager, even her husband one time who was basically a gorilla in Jean's. 

    Theyd call me in to say how rubbish I was at my job for things like....in your emailyou left 2 spaces here not 1. Or you signed sincerely instead of kind regards! So I got fed up and instead of crying my eyes out and going mute, I would say okay noted, can I keep this email you've highlighted in red for my records? Or 'can we record this meeting on my ohone' my meetings stopped but I dud quit. I hated them. Talking about it later my co workers think the business was a front for something so they didnt care about the business that's why it didnt matter what money I bought in or new clients theyd not bother with. 

    You need to get smart, keep records

  • In the past I have - told them to fxxk off and walked out - then their establishment had to be closed for the day as they needed me. I left the area for two years and then they begged for me to come back as their service was utter crap without ASD excellence so I came back and their service went well again. 

    Guess what - about six months later it happened again so the F word was used and yes I walked out again never to look back. 

  • Hi, what a horrible situation for you, especially if you anticipate over and over, then ruminate over and over after the event. 

    My only small suggestion is to prepare yourself a bit, to be ready for an adult to adult transaction. Make sure you don't adopt a child to parent stance, eg. language or body language that is submissive when speaking to your boss. You are equals, don't act superior or inferior. Unless you're in the army or similar, the hierarchy does not reduce your standing. How do two equal adults have this conversation? 

    Another approach is to make yourself a spectator and be more objective, take out some emotion. Think about a similar conversation you've had, as if you were watching it instead of taking part. Eavesdrop on yourself. Imagine instead of you, it was your friend. How would you advise that friend?