Relationship difficulties... can't find any help on the internet

So I've been in a relationship for 8 months now...which comes as quite a surprise to me right after I decided to swear of relationships because I'd decided I was "too autistic".

It's actually the best relationship I've ever been in and it started off incredibly with this guy seeing me have multiple meltdowns and handling them fantastically even though most of the time he had no clue what was going on. He's honestly so damn sweet.

A little under 3 months ago things started to get a little rough as I started to enter into the world of finding out his problems. Stuff got worse and worse with him until I had to take him to the hospital (psyc ward). Honestly the hardest thing I've ever done and while he was in there I pushed myself to the absolute limit trying to support him. I was aware while I was doing it that it was my limit and that I'd have to deal with the consequences but it was my decision and I'd do it a thousand times over. In the end he got diagnosed with scitzophrenia and I've also been supporting him with that and meds and all of this stuff. After he came out his mum paid for us to take a holiday in the south of the island (Tenerife that is.. I'm English but I moved here about 2 years ago). Here for a month in the south I continued to support him and he to me too when I had meltdowns and anxiety attacks because of his medication (I can't deal with people on drugs...same goes for prescription drugs). 

Now we're back home, back with our friends again and I'm feeling...not great. I have moments where I'm kinda insecure...not like that he's gonna leave me or something just like that I'm not getting enough attention. And when I try and just be alone and deal with it myself he feels bad that I've supported him so much and he can't support me so I tried communicating better that I was bad and asking for support and...I donno...it always feels like he'd rather be doing something else and that I'm being too needy. And maybe I am... I'm sure I'm unhealthy attached to him but I don't know what to do. I think that if I decide to try and work on not being so attached I'm gonna feel like I'm gonna end up feeling bitter...that I supported him so much but he can't support me back... it's not like I need a lot just a day in bed cuddling and watching movies when I'm bad.

I donno I'm just so confused..I know that I made the decision to support him that much but I didn't expect that at the end of it all I'd feel bitter about the lack of support back. With how our relationship started I didn't expect to be the needy one, the insecure one. I don't understand what happened. Why he isn't so puppy-eyed with me like he used to be. I used to have to put up so many boundaries so that I could get space and now I've taken them all down I feel so vunerable.

Usually I don't have a problem with these things. I always manage to think my way out of any dilemma but this I'm just going round and round. I can't seem to get any closer to a solution or even a direction. 

I can't even find any info online about autistic people who get overly attached in relationships, overly obsessive or overly caring. Although also honestly I've never had a problem with being overly caring. But I've also never been in a relationship where I spent 2-3 months being constantly worried about my partner. After everything was over and we were in the south for our holiday after he fell asleep I would go out to smoke and I couldn't even finish my cigarette without checking in on him. I've managed to let that go a lot but I guess now that I'm feeling pretty rough it's kinda like I expect something similar.

Man I'm so confused. It's like I know it's not healthy but I don't know how to deal with this situation. I don't know how to move on, accept things are like they are at the moment and look after myself. I'm worried that if I close off I won't be able to open again...that I'll fall out of love with him but I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I don't want to screw this up. I just need a little time to not be ok and I need him to be ok while I do that. I've changed so much recently because of what I've had to do and I'm loosing my grip on me I feel like I don't know what's up and down anymore. I don't even really feel autistic anymore I just feel broken. All the ways in which I know myself is all wrong. My brain doesn't work the way I know it to work and I think one of my biggest strengths is how well I know my brain. I feel totally lost and this is the last place that I can think of to turn to. 

Please give me anything... Any opinions, stories, ideas please!

Note: seeing a therapist is out of the question... I'm still illegal here so no healthcare.