Published on 12, July, 2020
This is something which bugs me a lot so I’ve decided to voice it - I’ve seen it in here and in the world around me and it seems to be happening more and more - people playing the autism card. For absolute clarity, I wholeheartedly believe employers etc should make reasonable adjustments for ASD where there is a genuine need, but too often I am seeing people try to use their autism as a means of getting more or justifying actions which aren’t right.
As someone on the spectrum, I don’t want to stand out, I don’t want others thinking I’m getting specialist treatment or get away with stuff because I’m autistic. Drawing attention to the autistic cause negatively isn’t going to help anyone, least of all ourselves.
For example people have posted on here saying they feel they should get to break social distancing/ lockdown rules because they are autistic (despite the fact that this puts them and others at risk), a year or two back I knew an autistic guy who set off an alarm because he didn’t get his way, the real reason was because he was annoyed at someone and generally throws his toys out of the pram when he doesn’t get his own way - his defence was ‘I am autistic’ - so I challenged him on this, and he eventually conceded that he used his ASD to cover up for his behaviours. The same I feel applies to violence or other bad/ anti-social behaviour - there is a huge difference between a trait being activated and a learned behaviour to deal with it. If someone says ‘I hit that person because I wasn’t coping with a particular trait being triggered’ - that’s a fair statement. To say It hit that person because I’m autistic’ is not - I accept there are links and I gave more sympathy for young children on this one who don’t understand law, social norms and values etc but as adults we have to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions.
So yes we should (if we want to) disclose ASD so as reasonable adjustments are made, but I wish people would stop misusing autism as an excuse where it shouldn’t be used. I worry people will tire of ‘but it’s because I’m autistic’ to the extent that genuine needs will get brushed aside - so everybody loses.
*Rant over*
We're taught the goal is to fit in and be seen as normal. Normal people lie and cheat and use their position to get away with stuff - Dominic Cummings, probably knew he wouldn't get sacked if he travellled to Durham. Amir Khan is in the papers cos he's broke lock down twice to visit family. Look at Prince Andrew and the Epstein affair and the woman who killed a kid on a motorbike then used diplomatic immunity to get back to the US and her and her husbands position to avoid been sent back to face the charges!
These people are considered 'normal', so therefore using your position whether its due to health or wealth status is a 'normal thing to do'. You're 'fitting in'!
Sometimes its hard for autistics who have been sheltered by family to believe everyone is good or has some good in them somewhere. Not everyone does, There are people out there getting beaten daily by people they trust, people murdering people or swindling them taking advantage of disabilities like scammers conning elderly to let them into give them a coronavirus test etc. This is the real world I'm afraid! I have been that very naive self who believed everyone was basically good and it was wrong to be anything else other than good to make sure I fit in and was accepted as normal. You end up standing out more!
The only way to escape it is to live incomplete isolation where its irrelevant to anyone else who you are if no-one visits or you don't see anyone. May seem bitter and cynical but thats what people have taught me from my very autistic viewpoint over the last 50+ years!
So well put and so true - It is only now I am diagnosed that I realised it though. They are in a 'Rat Race'... If We try and fit in we are being fake and also masking which is discouraged as it leads to early death.
Undiagnosed-Me blundered along masking like crazy being used and abused until my health collapsed.
Diagnosed & seriously-ill-Me tried to carry on for the sake of everyone else until encephalitis took away my memories and ability to work.
I'm much happier now - even though my health isn't great. I don't have to mask - my wife and daughter were used to the 'mostly' real me anyway. I don't have to dance like a monkey for anyone else.
I 'masked' heavily to get through college,work and achieving uni. It caught up with me and ended up having a breakdown.
Achieving the 'normal status' through relationships (getting married and having kids) makes it even harder to get alone time to process. I made the decision to live alone to keep my sanity. The more I isolate the more I can be true to myself without judgement.