Playing the Autism Card

For me the more troubling question is how much free will we (as human beings) really have. 

Could I handle things better whenever things get overwhelming, or when I do have a lapse in keeping it together is it just weakness? Or is it something else? Stresses over taking on too much with too-tight deadlines, or not just being able to walk away?

Two days ago I just wanted to put the finishing touches on an art project I hope to sell online, as a project as decently professional as I hope to get.

But of course the job wasn't nearly as simple as it seemed and I started getting angry. It is easy to spend hours on the computer and not want to stop, even for a coffee, let alone a snack. I wrote to the company to ask why the software did not accept my box design and the next at tried again. 

I spent over twelve hours at it, and this time towards the end, all sorts of weird glitches started happening. 

There is always the fear my  neighbours can hear, though the sound is good where I live. But there is no actual sound proofing. My poor cat was scared and i feel bad about traumatising her. Even now I can feel this horrible tightness on my chest again recounting this. 

I do have a much nicer, more professional looking product that should hopefully bring me more royalties in the future. My quarantine was spent editing every last card from the artwork, spending many a night working into the small hours on the morning on Photoshop. But I do feel ashamed of the massive meltdown I got into again, when things started to go wrong andxI could not see why!

I completely agree. I have to use the ‘card’ occasionally, just to get people to understand what I need but yes, using it to abuse the system or take advantage is not on. 

I'm in my late 30s & my physical disabilities have left me in an electric wheelchair, I haven't felt able to go out in over 5 years now because I am swarmed by people trying to take advantage, Before then I was on high doses of prescription painkillers to enable me to stand on crutches, I am rather tall & it put people off a bit thinking they could take advantage, Still a few violent armed mugging attempts where the attackers ended up in hospital & I got arrested for losing control defending myself, Not charged but still very off putting when nobody will help & I am chastised for protecting my life, & those of my friends & family from people with a clear criminal intent...

I think it's partly to do with the areas the council keeps putting me in, Known crime hotspots to the police for years before I arrive, But the council then try to put the blame on me, I've had to put cameras up to protect us from council workers lying that we said things we didn't, & Lying when they have been abusive toward us, Refusing any repairs & saying it's our problem, & Then trying to worm out of it when we get solicitors involved...

The council are finally recognising most of my disabilities after years of them being sent doctors letters, & Emails from the local autism service they work closely with, But they are still trying to ignore that as an autistic man who is also a permanent electric wheelchair user, I am seriously vulnerable & a magnet to lowlifes looking for an easy target.....

I am currently fighting the council trying to force us into another unsuitable property in an unsuitable area using the 2009 autism act, 2010 Equality act, & The 2015 Care act..... They can't keep putting us places we would be unsafe, I live as a prisoner in my own home with constant anxiety & fear affecting my mental & physical health seriously.... The council are in full knowledge of all of this with letters from my doctor & the autism service scanned & sent to all the relevant departments with my housing solicitor copied in, But to avoid an expensive disrepair case for this unsuitable property the council choose to bypass our bids on suitable properties in suitable areas even when their bidding system has us ending 1st, & They are trying to force us somewhere I wouldn't live if they paid us....

I feel they are in full knowledge of the facts & are spiteful Nasty people, Truly no good in their souls, & It's taking more than I'm able to fight this with little to no help, But I will never stop looking for a discrimination solicitor that accepts legal aid as our housing solicitor has advised it as he has witnessed the discrimination himself over the past year & has voiced his concerns, So I know it's not me overreacting now, Didn't think it was but my worker at the autism service said maybe I was misinterpreting the situations.......

Oh well, The fight continues I guess...... There has to be an end to it someday, There are plenty of areas where we have friends, The people there are nice, & my anxieties wouldn't become an issue to my health..... "Dry land's not a myth, I've seen it!"  lol

Sorry for the rant, going through a lot at the moment, & a few things you said left me thinking about the people I'm having to deal with, & the constant phone calls to try & find help that is rather elusive   

Undiagnosed-Me blundered along masking like crazy being used and abused until my health collapsed.       

Diagnosed & seriously-ill-Me tried to carry on for the sake of everyone else until encephalitis took away my memories and ability to work.

I'm much happier now - even though my health isn't great.    I don't have to mask - my wife and daughter were used to the 'mostly' real me anyway.     I don't have to dance like a monkey for anyone else.

I 'masked' heavily to get through college,work and achieving uni. It caught up with me and ended up having a breakdown.

Achieving the 'normal status'  through relationships (getting married and having kids) makes it even harder to get alone time to process. I made the decision to live alone to keep my sanity. The more I isolate the more I can be true to myself without judgement.

So well put and so true - It is only now I am diagnosed that I realised  it though. They are in a 'Rat Race'... If We try and fit in we are being fake and also masking which is discouraged as it leads to early death. 

We're taught the goal is to fit in and be seen as normal. Normal people lie and cheat and use their position to get away with stuff - Dominic Cummings, probably knew he wouldn't get sacked if he travellled to Durham. Amir Khan is in the papers cos he's broke lock down twice to visit family.  Look at Prince Andrew and the Epstein affair and the woman who killed a kid on a motorbike then used diplomatic immunity to get back to the US and her and her husbands position to avoid been sent back to face the charges!

These people are considered 'normal', so therefore using your position whether its due to health or wealth status is a 'normal thing to do'. You're 'fitting in'!

Sometimes its hard for autistics who have been sheltered by family to believe everyone is good or has some good in them somewhere. Not everyone does, There are people out there getting beaten daily by people they trust, people murdering people or swindling them taking advantage of disabilities like scammers conning elderly to let them into give them a coronavirus test etc. This is the real world I'm afraid!  I have been that very naive self who believed everyone was basically good and it was wrong to be anything else other than good to make sure I fit in and was accepted as normal. You end up standing out more!

The only way to escape it is to live incomplete isolation where its irrelevant to anyone else who you are if no-one visits or you don't see anyone. May seem bitter and cynical but thats what people have taught me from my very autistic viewpoint over the last 50+ years!

Greetings "Anthony"... I see this Thread appear a lot and so I finally read it --- Good On You, Sir!   (Also a "rant" every now and then does bring up a lot of support and mis-understanding also, which is <> educational to see.)

My own perspective also, if it is useful. After gaining Official diagnosis, I learned Myself to flash that rare "Autism Alert" Card at total strangers; and, just Me, I will always try to state that first thing to anyone 'judging' Me (E.g. job interviews, police, etc.) to offset their doubtless thinking of Me upon sight: "what a weeeirdo they must be eeeevil!" or similar. Sometimes I freeze or blank out, and that is when I try to state / show the "Autism Card"...

...But I get what You are saying. Some others have agreed with You here, and so that is good for a Thread. Using Autism as an excuse to do  ®%¡®[`**¢¡<>°¢% ! ... whatever is liked...?...No, not a good thing, and so Thank You for this Rant!

I do not interact with others much so I have not (yet) encountered such persons, but I know what You mean and I support it.

I think a lot of people want to fit in and appear normal. I don't want to play the autism card and get advantages, and I very forcefully feel that autism is a reason, not an excuse.

So I don't break the law and blame autism. I don't act nastily towards people on purpose and blame autism. I do act nastily towards people without intending to and autism is often the reason for that, but even there, I don't want to use it as an excuse.

The few times I tell a stranger it's because I'm doing something like filling in a tax return. Ringing HMRC to ask for help is stressful, telling them that I need help because their written guidance has seventeen different interpretations would annoy them. Telling them that I have an NHS diagnosed autism spectrum disorder and that I'm struggling with their form gets me sympathetic help to assure I fill it in properly.

So my attitude towards others is distaste when they portray themselves as victims and seek advantage as a result. People with difficulties and needs will find it much harder to access the help they need if the goodwill and investment behind that help has been lost to people exploiting the system.

I don't think this is something specific to autism and that there are worse out there. When I had an experience with the criminal justice system and learned of other peoples stories through court and community service I found that a lot of the offenders were getting ESA or other benefits for things such as depression and other mental issues. They were exempt from job searching. Then we have lots of people on here with actual struggles and even physical disabilities who are getting turned down from ESA and PIP 

In the end my diagnosis didn't make much difference overall, it just slightly reduced the intent factor during sentencing

Hi - if you get the Sunflower Lanyard and photocopy your blue badge, most museum or theme parks or other entertainment will let you in on a discounted price and also let your 'carer' (a friend) go in for free so it works out less than half price each,     You can get a disabled rail / bus pass and discount cinema tickets.    Places like Duxford Air Museum are about £20 each - it discounts to £18 and a free carer - so just £9 each 

Shopping - with the lanyard, they should let you go straight in - no queueing up - and you can have a helper with you - also, some shops will allocate a shopping assistant to you to help you around the shop.

Airports - the disability support people will walk you through the VIP security so you don't queue and you should be able to pre-board.

Hotels - I always get the top floor so I don't get the 'herd of elephants' moving around above me in the night.

Also - you can ask for special experiences and lots of businesses will try to help make your experience better - like a behind the scenes tour at Legoland

Just be polite and use your imagination - and let your friend do the talking so they feel sorry for you. 

Hi

You mentioned (entry to places that are crazy expensive etc)

What kind of places?....i ask as i barely, t(hrough lack of knowledge), use any possible assists....ie shopping?...what could i do as someone with Autism and semi disabled, get at a shop?    i feel ive been diagnosed last year..And beyond my blue badge for my physical issues....I dont get ANY assists for the Autism..

Not sure ive asked clearly...but do you get what i mean?....what benefits are there which you mention 

many thanks in advance.  

But do you use your autism to get discounts at places or to get a 'carer' in free or use the system to get what you want?  It's all the same thing, isn't it?   

As NAS65871 says, we're in a rat race - and although it may not justify it, I've been trodden on so many times that I don't feel guilty about 'using' the system to my advantage if I can.    It's helpful in airports, shopping, travel, entry to places that are crazy expensive etc. - and if I could use it to get out of trouble, I would.

I have a great need to 'do the right thing' - but in these days of chaos and greed, it's getting difficult to measure the threshold of right and wrong - and if you set your standard too low, you're just a sucker.

I actively avoid situations that could cause me to break the law, This is hard with me being in a wheelchair as I keep being forced into housing around people who are violent, Thieves, & "chavs" who like to show off to their friends attacking the disabled & elderly..... I have 2 choices: Break the law with the measures I would have to take to defend myself & my family with my limited physical abilities....... Or live with bars on my windows & doors as a prisoner in my own home..... I have been forced repeatedly in the past to defend myself & lost control when attacked, Even though they attacked me with weapons I felt bad after I regained control & found I had dragged them to the floor with me & bounced their heads off the floor leaving them unconcious, I did try & regain control of myself before I injured them so badly but they said they were going to burn my dogs while I slept.... I was arrested, Released without charge, But I know in situations like that I can lose control hurting myself with my physical problems, & others.....

I have spent the past 5 years stuck on my bed with only my girlfriend as company, Our friends stopped coming round years ago because they were attacked coming in & out of the area on different occasions, One of my carers was kidnapped by a group of them threatening to break his knees after throwing a freshly opened can of beer at my face, & Then punching me in the face whilst I was blinded going down the street on my mobility scooter home from the shop around 7 years ago.....

I am unsure if the council aren't taking the effect areas like this have on me with my autism feeling under constant threat seriously because they don't understand the serious impact it's having on my mental & physical health with me not sleeping or eating properly because of the high levels of anxiety & fear....... Or if the council aren't listening because others just use their autism as an excuse to get away with doing as they wish.....

We need more understanding in the world, & If all people see is people on the spectrum doing wrong & blaming their autism to get away with it, That is what the world is going to think about all of us.....

Like I said before, I am unsure why my local council is ignoring the advice of the local autism service, My doctor, Government policy, Myself, & my housing solicitor..... But it does seem they are discriminating as I feel the information they have from professionals that have been working with me for many years leaves no doubt of my needs, But they choose to ignore my autism, I can only guess that they have had bad experiences with other autistic people as I have been nothing but polite in the face of what I would describe as abuse, Rudeness, & Smugness..... I cut contact with people like that rather than let my autism take over & be used against me, & I resume contact when I have calmed down.....

I can't see as to how I have been unreasonable in any way neither can any of the professionals I have copied into all of my emails with th council, So yeah.... They must just not like autistic people in Leeds

Sorry for the long ranting reply, But I would ask anyone that reads this.... Please don't blame everything on your autism, It'll make things harder for you in the future, & the rest of us

The law is anti autism and you were fortunate to get out of the system. We all tend to follow rules and yet there are loads of autistic spectrum people who get misunderstood and convicted

Whilst I agree a diagnosis was important for context - over exaggeration I feel was wrong, but in fairness the courtroom sees exaggerations from both sides so I understand why you were advised to do that. The issue for me is that every time something like that is done it portrays autism and the autistic unfairly and creates misconceptions. 

I disagree but that aside my rant wasn’t about fitting in more people using autism as an excuse to justify wrong doing. I’ve done plenty wrong in my life, but I have the balls to say that it’s me who screwed up - I don’t go “oh well I have autism” in the hope that it justifies something. If too many start doing that, genuine needs get overlooked. 

Thanks for commenting, in truth it’s a few instances in recent years by different people on the spectrum - I’m all for reasonable adjustments but so me people give all those with ASD a bad name for using their condition to justify things which in truth shouldn’t be blamed on the autism. 

We live in a Rat Race. A society where NTs will deceive and cheat and step on other’s toes to get what They want. 

If we have to cheat like they do to fit in - so be it. Tuff titties...Needs must.