Why am I not changing

Why? My wife buys me books I part read never finish.

We repeat discussions.

Shes intelligient switched on.

Am I being lazy, why am I not getting results.

I want to improve, I understand what I will lose.

I'm not motivated by my wife as I know i cause her to be angry, and the anger makes me not want to spend time with her.

I know I need to change, she explains how i need to change.

She's worried I'll never meet her needs, and I won't whilst I try to avoid her whlist she's angry at me.

Any thoughts welcome