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Why am I not changing

Matthew

Why? My wife buys me books I part read never finish.

We repeat discussions.

Shes intelligient switched on.

Am I being lazy, why am I not getting results.

I want to improve, I understand what I will lose.

I'm not motivated by my wife as I know i cause her to be angry, and the anger makes me not want to spend time with her.

I know I need to change, she explains how i need to change.

She's worried I'll never meet her needs, and I won't whilst I try to avoid her whlist she's angry at me.

Any thoughts welcome

Parents

  • Hi Matthew. 

    I'm sorry to hear your having a spot of bother with your wife. I can't help but feel you two were clearly good with each other at some point,or you wouldn't have married? Every marriage has difficulties, and it is ALWAYS two sided.

    What is it that she is asking you to change? And what actually triggers her to be angry?

    You say you want to improve, can you explain what you'd like to improve at? We may be able to support you a little better.

    X

Reply

  • Hi Matthew. 

    I'm sorry to hear your having a spot of bother with your wife. I can't help but feel you two were clearly good with each other at some point,or you wouldn't have married? Every marriage has difficulties, and it is ALWAYS two sided.

    What is it that she is asking you to change? And what actually triggers her to be angry?

    You say you want to improve, can you explain what you'd like to improve at? We may be able to support you a little better.

    X

Children
  • in reply to NAS61718

    Hi NAS61718

    Thats part of the problem, we were both in  a bad place and settled , my wife didnt think she was pretty or anybody would want her.

    I was busy working a lot of jobs and hours and didnt pay into the relationship and I've let her down by not having the skill sets to

    support her. She's done a lot to support me, I've done what I was good at to support her.

    I've always found her emotions over whelming.

    I understand she wants to be heard and given empathy not solutions to problems she can solve.

    I was repeled by what I felt was negativity.

    Always in my mind stay positive, but maybe this was from a child, being told to shut up or ill give you something to cry about.

    I shut my emotions down.

    Even now when my wife gets angry because i've let her down, or not admitted that I've screwed up or appologised without giving a reason. Just own it.

    I've broken her with my inability to handle life.

    Work i can do, even that I struggle with kids , home eding and house work and finding time to do the required work to push the business forward, she wants out me to fund two houses so she can continue home eding the kids.

    I really appreciate someone listening and anybody to challenge my thinking.

    I'm going to lose my home and kids, it sucks that I know I cause my wife to hate me that I don't want her romantically , just to like me and be friends.

    Even that I can't get right