• Replies 31 replies
  • Subscribers 84 subscribers
  • Views 7986 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Is Isolation easier due to our Autism?

Kit McDaydream

Don't know about anyone else but I always enjoyed my own company even as a child. Don't know if that's cos I never understood other kids or they usually ended up bullying me so playing with others was not enjoyable.

Did manage to have friends and go to college and work and stuff in my twenties but by thirties was suffering from severe burnout and really wanted my own space again, no social pressures to comply with 'normal' and just do my own thing so feel I'm really thriving in this 'pandemic' situation....  Had 2 months to myself don't have to be visited by people i really don't want to see but feel I have to  to comply with being seen as 'normal', cos now its more important that I'm not in contact with anyone who could give me covid19  (am in vulnerable group due to other medical issues thankfully!)

Glad I live rurally so I can slip out at 5am and have the fields/etc to myself t walk my dog and suddenly its perfectly acceptable to go out of your way to avoid someone coming the other way (not that I see anyone at that time) or to avoid going out at a time where more people would be about. Spend rest of day drawing, painting, playing video games and sitting in garden with the dog. Perfectly happy and no need for other humans.

Only problem I have is sunny weather bringing the neighbours and the noisy brats out so can't enjoy my garden at 'peak times' (when usually they'd be at school/work during the week) but finally decided on some noise cancelling headphones to solve that issue.

Dreading things going back to normal and 'social expectations' going back to normal so hoping this 'bubble' idea govt has takes off where you're limited to one or two households of close family which enables me to conveniently still avoid some social expectations whilst still been able to see close family for our birthdays over summer.

NT's are complaining of loneliness and boredom but I'm happiest I've been for a long while. Just wondered if other autistic's felt the same?  Obviously there's going to be some people who need other people as carers for physical/daily living tasks, but if you're autistic and live alone (and have done for years) do you find you're NOT experiencing self-isolation the same as NT's? 

or are you an autistic person who feels they need constant reassurance from NT's that what you're doing is acceptable and seen to be 'fitting in'?   ..and finding it difficult not having other people around you to give that constant reassurance? (ie through being at work daily).

Kit

  • in reply to Kit McDaydream

    Hi Kit

    We always used to have a grocery delivery once a week. The first couple of weeks of lockdown we had a delivery but lots of stuff was missing. Then we had 3 weeks when we couldn't get a delivery at all - not from any Supermarket and we don't have a car.

    We did manage to get a delivery this week - although on a different day to usual - and have one booked in next week, but we still can't rely on it as slots are still being taken very quickly. We are both Aspies but not "vulnerable" and not having the security of knowing we can get a delivery when we want, or whether there will be a lot of stuff missing, is really disruptive and stressful for us. 

    We have a communal entrance to our flats but having a delivery left outside the main door is not a problem as we live in the 1st floor and both go down to get the stuff and carry it up the stairs.

    I just want some certainty and a reinstatement of routine, both with regards to shopping deliveries and going back to work in the office. 

  • in reply to Kit McDaydream

    Hi - It's not the food shopping ordeal that's the problem - I can cope with that - I'm doing some work on the house and I prefer to choose my own wood from the store - not the split, knot-ridden, warped, twisted stuff on the top of the pile that they want shot of.     

    I had two more steel purlin beams delivered yesterday and a whole load of rafters came last week.     Unfortunately, Selco is closed, Wickes & Screwfix are click & collect and my local builder's merchant is online or telephone orders for delivery only.    I really need to go into the shop to pick out a whole load of drain pipes - 110mm, 50mm and 40mm - but the endless combinations and permutations of fittings available mean I need to stand in front of them and choose different bits to get the best selection to rebuild the stack.

  • in reply to Plastic

    Can you get stuff delivered?  you'd just need to be prepared for them substituting stuff though you can add on delivery notes if you don't want any substitutions. Usually most of the order comes and if a few things are missing I get my bro to get them from his village stores if he can and drop them off when he comes to cut my lawn. (rules say you're allowed out to help a vulnerable or disabled person)

    I'm glad I had some stuff stocked up anyway incase of a bad brexit and I always get extra tinned stuff in for winter incase i get snowed in (though haven't had any snow here this year) so being a bit of 'prepper' before this happened has helped. I'm settling into a new 'pandemic routine' now.

    I also have dissociation and multiple alters which actually really helps if one alter is feeling they can't cope and close to having a meltdown. I can 'disconnect' from them and virtually carry on as 'someone else'  - like an actor playing a different role.

  • in reply to Original Prankster

    Thats an interesting page, a few other articles on the side I'll have a read of later too. Thanks!

    I've no intention of going back to how it was, I'll just blame the menopause and coronavirus lockdown for turning me into an unsociable old woman and stay as I am now! ..lol!

    I never went to supermarkets anyway so have managed to get slots as I was already a loyal customer for several years. Initially when everyone went mad panic buying it was a while before I could get a slot but things seem to be calming down. I have noticed they often only have very basics, couldn't even get marmalade last time! As I usually shopped at Ocado I like my more luxurious brands for somethings!

    I always get stuff delivered that I need for the house etc and things like that I've struggled to get delivered. (I needed a new mop bucket and some grass seeds for the garden, normally Ocado has them in stock) but I guess they are classing these as 'non-essentials'  Even tried to get the grass seeds off ebay but seller messaged me to say sorry she was struggling to get them from the warehouse so I ended up with a refund, when things do arrive they are now taking 1-2 weeks to turn up rather than 1-2 days! 

  • I'm finding it a lot less stressful than the 'normal' world - largely down to the fact that socialising is stressful...

    - no eye contact

    - no meaningless pleasantries

    - no sensory overload due to noise/smell/touch/light

    I'm not looking forward this ending because I'm not keen to go back to 'how it was' plus I think I'm reverting to an 'undomesticated human' state (to reclaim a somewhat controversial phrase used in this article), so it'll be harder than before to 'put the mask back on'...

  • I'm a bit of a hermit so this lockdown (house arrest) is not really a problem.     Most of my friends are miles away so we speak via e-mail normally anyway.     I'm hating the whole shopping ordeal - it's utter madness with no scientific basis in their abstract rules.

    The only thing that bothers me is not being able to just get the things I need when I want because the shop is closed - or having to click & collect when it's actually something I want to select myself.

  • in reply to Kit McDaydream

    Hello,

    I found the first weeks of lock down hard to cope with due to not having the internet to communicate but thanks to my neighbours, I was able to go back on line. Since then I am enjoying the quiet roads on the bike every day and not having to deal with NT's in a hurry. I enjoy the quiet at night and not having to be kept awake by the nearby pub or people knocking on my windows.

    Like many others I do find shopping an ordeal with the ever changing rules and not being allowed to use a certain entrance one day and then being allowed the next day. But it is getting better and staff are aware I am on the spectrum so do what they can to help.

    I dread the return to normal with all the noise and hassle.

    Stay safe everyone.

    Nick

  • in reply to Lotus

    I only go out to walk the dog, normally I'd wait until people had gone off to work or school (as I live a in a quiet rural village) but of course everyone is home and suddenly all taking their allowed 1 hr walk round the village as soon as the sun comes out!

    So I've switched to what I call my 'Heatwave routine' ..normally, as it suggests it's only for when we get a rare heatwave when its gonna be like 20 degrees by 8-9am and still by 9 -10pm,  in the summer hols as I can't take that much heat and my dog has a long double coat too so Id set the alarm and be up at 5am to get him out for a good long run before it started getting too hot. ... it works fine for the rare days we get an heatwave up here but getting up at that time everyday for the last 2 months (started my official self isolating beginning of March) is exhausting when you get chronic fatigue too !(and other immune related conditions).

    For shopping I get it delivered, just tell them you're self isolating they leave it outside your door, same for other deliveries. I just stick a note on the door for delivery drivers (and where possible put a note on delivery instructions when putting orders through). They just leave it in front of door ring doorbell (i have video doorbell so can see them from inside) then when they go back up the driveway I open door and give them a thumbs up (just so they've seen it been taken in) and take the shopping in. 

    If its something heavy or several bags (like food delivery) I wouldn't be able to move easily, I open the door when I see van pull up then back up down the hall and ask them to just put it  just inside the door and close door after them.  Don't know if that would work for you? depends if your flat has a communal entrance or you have your own entrance? ... but as you said you have a partner can't you send them down to collect deliveries from flat entrance?  ..(save you having to cope with supermarkets).

  • in reply to Bumblebee

    when I was able to work it was always the social chitchat at 'break-times' and lunchtimes I struggled with, rather than the actual work. I struggle with processing language so it helps to see people's faces which of course are being stuffed with food usually in the limited time we had for lunch! ..so that never helped either! 

    I'm glad I don't have work to cope with anymore tbh!

  • Not for me.

    I'm not lonely or bored (I live with my partner, but I've always been a bit of a loner so I don't miss seeing other people and I can always find things to do)

    There are 3 aspects to my difficulties with the situation - the first is that I had working from home suddenly thrust upon me with no time to prepare. Our systems were not set up for it - we usually deal mostly with documents in paper form (stuff that is emailed gets printed off!) So I've had to devise new ways of dealing with work that is emailed to me, which took some time and interfered with my usual work timetable. We live in a 1 bed flat so I don't have a spare room I can use as an office, or a desk & office chair. This makes things physically uncomfortable, but I also find it psychologically uncomfortable as it feels that my work and home lives have merged, whereas I like to keep them separate. I also don't like people phoning me at home. If I didn't have to work it would have made it a bit easier, but I have no choice as it is possible for me to work from home with a laptop.

    The second issue is not staying in, but going out - for shopping or a walk. The world felt hostile enough before, but the worry of being "told off" if I get too near to someone accidentally and the bombardment of warning messages (visual and auditory) throughout my town centre and in the supermarket has not improved things. We don't have a garden so going out for exercise and fresh air is important, but the outside world feels strange and unreal to me.

    The third issue is the feeling of a loss of control. I don't like socialising and will stay at home much of the time I'm not at work, but that's my choice. Part of my autism is needing to feel in control and needing to know when things are going to happen. Now I can't decide to do something like go to the hairdressers or to a quiet pub for lunch in the pub garden if I feel like it. We can't even get Argos to pick up an item they delivered which is not suitable as they're currently not doing collections. I have no idea when I'll be going back to work at the office, or what rules will be in place when I do. 

    It's all rather bewildering actually.

  • I completely relate to this, I feel very lucky I have a nice garden and great green space at the end of my road and have always enjoyed being at home. I find I just about manage working full time as long as I don’t take anything else on and make sure I’m looking after me (I find it’s when I’m trying to make others happy I take a real dip) but then as soon as I’m home from work and my time off i enjoy being at home. My work have furloughed me and I’m very lucky I have a great job and work set up so for the moment as bad as it sounds I’m really enjoying lockdown life and it’s going back to normal that I am worried about.

    I could happily stay as I am now for as long as needed and this for me is so much easier to deal with. The only thing I’m finding is the struggle with shopping but I have my sister doing most of that to save some of that stress. I had not long changed jobs before the lockdown and found a role suited to me in a much better environment. (The work never seems to be the issue it’s the office politics I don’t seem to get on well with) I’m now feeling all the struggles I was having adapting to the new job have been lifted and I like the idea of a gradual return to work which makes that transition even easier. Who knows I can only hope but I am definitely feeling like lockdown for me is bliss compared to before!