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Is Isolation easier due to our Autism?

Kit McDaydream

Don't know about anyone else but I always enjoyed my own company even as a child. Don't know if that's cos I never understood other kids or they usually ended up bullying me so playing with others was not enjoyable.

Did manage to have friends and go to college and work and stuff in my twenties but by thirties was suffering from severe burnout and really wanted my own space again, no social pressures to comply with 'normal' and just do my own thing so feel I'm really thriving in this 'pandemic' situation....  Had 2 months to myself don't have to be visited by people i really don't want to see but feel I have to  to comply with being seen as 'normal', cos now its more important that I'm not in contact with anyone who could give me covid19  (am in vulnerable group due to other medical issues thankfully!)

Glad I live rurally so I can slip out at 5am and have the fields/etc to myself t walk my dog and suddenly its perfectly acceptable to go out of your way to avoid someone coming the other way (not that I see anyone at that time) or to avoid going out at a time where more people would be about. Spend rest of day drawing, painting, playing video games and sitting in garden with the dog. Perfectly happy and no need for other humans.

Only problem I have is sunny weather bringing the neighbours and the noisy brats out so can't enjoy my garden at 'peak times' (when usually they'd be at school/work during the week) but finally decided on some noise cancelling headphones to solve that issue.

Dreading things going back to normal and 'social expectations' going back to normal so hoping this 'bubble' idea govt has takes off where you're limited to one or two households of close family which enables me to conveniently still avoid some social expectations whilst still been able to see close family for our birthdays over summer.

NT's are complaining of loneliness and boredom but I'm happiest I've been for a long while. Just wondered if other autistic's felt the same?  Obviously there's going to be some people who need other people as carers for physical/daily living tasks, but if you're autistic and live alone (and have done for years) do you find you're NOT experiencing self-isolation the same as NT's? 

or are you an autistic person who feels they need constant reassurance from NT's that what you're doing is acceptable and seen to be 'fitting in'?   ..and finding it difficult not having other people around you to give that constant reassurance? (ie through being at work daily).

Kit

Parents

  • Not for me.

    I'm not lonely or bored (I live with my partner, but I've always been a bit of a loner so I don't miss seeing other people and I can always find things to do)

    There are 3 aspects to my difficulties with the situation - the first is that I had working from home suddenly thrust upon me with no time to prepare. Our systems were not set up for it - we usually deal mostly with documents in paper form (stuff that is emailed gets printed off!) So I've had to devise new ways of dealing with work that is emailed to me, which took some time and interfered with my usual work timetable. We live in a 1 bed flat so I don't have a spare room I can use as an office, or a desk & office chair. This makes things physically uncomfortable, but I also find it psychologically uncomfortable as it feels that my work and home lives have merged, whereas I like to keep them separate. I also don't like people phoning me at home. If I didn't have to work it would have made it a bit easier, but I have no choice as it is possible for me to work from home with a laptop.

    The second issue is not staying in, but going out - for shopping or a walk. The world felt hostile enough before, but the worry of being "told off" if I get too near to someone accidentally and the bombardment of warning messages (visual and auditory) throughout my town centre and in the supermarket has not improved things. We don't have a garden so going out for exercise and fresh air is important, but the outside world feels strange and unreal to me.

    The third issue is the feeling of a loss of control. I don't like socialising and will stay at home much of the time I'm not at work, but that's my choice. Part of my autism is needing to feel in control and needing to know when things are going to happen. Now I can't decide to do something like go to the hairdressers or to a quiet pub for lunch in the pub garden if I feel like it. We can't even get Argos to pick up an item they delivered which is not suitable as they're currently not doing collections. I have no idea when I'll be going back to work at the office, or what rules will be in place when I do. 

    It's all rather bewildering actually.

  • in reply to Lotus

    I only go out to walk the dog, normally I'd wait until people had gone off to work or school (as I live a in a quiet rural village) but of course everyone is home and suddenly all taking their allowed 1 hr walk round the village as soon as the sun comes out!

    So I've switched to what I call my 'Heatwave routine' ..normally, as it suggests it's only for when we get a rare heatwave when its gonna be like 20 degrees by 8-9am and still by 9 -10pm,  in the summer hols as I can't take that much heat and my dog has a long double coat too so Id set the alarm and be up at 5am to get him out for a good long run before it started getting too hot. ... it works fine for the rare days we get an heatwave up here but getting up at that time everyday for the last 2 months (started my official self isolating beginning of March) is exhausting when you get chronic fatigue too !(and other immune related conditions).

    For shopping I get it delivered, just tell them you're self isolating they leave it outside your door, same for other deliveries. I just stick a note on the door for delivery drivers (and where possible put a note on delivery instructions when putting orders through). They just leave it in front of door ring doorbell (i have video doorbell so can see them from inside) then when they go back up the driveway I open door and give them a thumbs up (just so they've seen it been taken in) and take the shopping in. 

    If its something heavy or several bags (like food delivery) I wouldn't be able to move easily, I open the door when I see van pull up then back up down the hall and ask them to just put it  just inside the door and close door after them.  Don't know if that would work for you? depends if your flat has a communal entrance or you have your own entrance? ... but as you said you have a partner can't you send them down to collect deliveries from flat entrance?  ..(save you having to cope with supermarkets).

  • in reply to Kit McDaydream

    Hi Kit

    We always used to have a grocery delivery once a week. The first couple of weeks of lockdown we had a delivery but lots of stuff was missing. Then we had 3 weeks when we couldn't get a delivery at all - not from any Supermarket and we don't have a car.

    We did manage to get a delivery this week - although on a different day to usual - and have one booked in next week, but we still can't rely on it as slots are still being taken very quickly. We are both Aspies but not "vulnerable" and not having the security of knowing we can get a delivery when we want, or whether there will be a lot of stuff missing, is really disruptive and stressful for us. 

    We have a communal entrance to our flats but having a delivery left outside the main door is not a problem as we live in the 1st floor and both go down to get the stuff and carry it up the stairs.

    I just want some certainty and a reinstatement of routine, both with regards to shopping deliveries and going back to work in the office. 

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  • in reply to Kit McDaydream

    Hi Kit

    We always used to have a grocery delivery once a week. The first couple of weeks of lockdown we had a delivery but lots of stuff was missing. Then we had 3 weeks when we couldn't get a delivery at all - not from any Supermarket and we don't have a car.

    We did manage to get a delivery this week - although on a different day to usual - and have one booked in next week, but we still can't rely on it as slots are still being taken very quickly. We are both Aspies but not "vulnerable" and not having the security of knowing we can get a delivery when we want, or whether there will be a lot of stuff missing, is really disruptive and stressful for us. 

    We have a communal entrance to our flats but having a delivery left outside the main door is not a problem as we live in the 1st floor and both go down to get the stuff and carry it up the stairs.

    I just want some certainty and a reinstatement of routine, both with regards to shopping deliveries and going back to work in the office. 

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