How I wish my childhood could have been

Yep - been there, got the badge.      What peed me off the most was there was never any explanation of what the problem was or what I was supposed to do instead - just violence.    It all seemed so arbitrary.

To share my skills I became an explorer scout leader, a STEM ambassador, careers advisor, literacy mentor and was runner-up in my company's volunteer of the year. 

My childhood was awful.

My relationship with my father was just about the worst possible.  It was very much black & white.  He was either physically / verbally abusive,  or he ignored me completely as if I didn't exist.  There was very little in between. 

Sorry to hear you're struggling with this.

I bet there are some good (maybe even heavy!) books out there that could help you get started on these things. I also heard that Chris Packham is doing some a 'mini springwatch' livestream, so I suppose that might include some gardening tips. It might be worth checking out

Another thing you can do is give every plant 2 chances. If it's a decent size,and multiple stalks are coming out of the soil, you can take out the plug of plant and roots, cut it in half vertically with a sharp knife in one clean quick cut, so you have 2 skinny plants. Re pot them as before. Then if one of them dies, you have the other. If it has only one main stall such as rosemary, it's not suitable. Bonus outcome is two lovely plants! 

I've been watching "Going South" on Amazon Prime. It's a documentary TV series about two pairs of cyclists. One pair cycles from the northern tip of Alaska down to the southern end of the United States.

The other from the top of South America to the bottom of it.

They have the practical skills and know-how to keep fixing the bikes as they go along. 

There was also a docu-film I watched called Trabant goes to Africa. A group of Czech people crossed Africa north-south in two battered old Trabants and had to fix them about two dozen times. But remarkably even when they had to saw off a branch from a tree or dig up nearby soil to create an improvised ramp to unload a car, they managed it all.

I thought those might interest you. Also, you should consider doing a holiday like that yourself. If you took people along with you, they would really appreciate having someone who could fix things! It's a brilliant adventure by the looks of it but for those of us who aren't practically capable it would be quite frightening!

Someone would be very lucky to be your apprentice. You must have a lot of knowledge and skill accumulated over the years. You didn't have the easiest start in life but you reacted well to it and adapted.

That's comprehensive and useful information - thank you!! Re-potting is something I had never heard of. 

I think most parents make a mess of their children.  

I was a twin and very early, I saw that I was different.    I saw how badly everyone else functioned so I worked out my own way of doing things.

My parents were useless.- mum, (I now suspect ASD) wasn't interested - from the age of 6 I had to look after myself.       My dad had no patience and resorted to violence as his first option - never any explanation, just violence - so I totally avoided him.   

At 5, my infant teacher spotted my super-abilities and wanted me to go to a special school for the gifted but parents had no money and my brother's health meant we had to move down South for warmer weather - I got stuck in the worst-performing local school when we moved.

I became very independent - I didn't need their craziness.       I developed the skills to do things like Neo from 'The Matrix' - an eidetic memory - I would devour books from the library (this was late 60s / early 70s so the so the Apollo program and technology was big news) so if I've seen it, I've 100% learnt it.        

(For example, if you show me just 1 second of any 'How It's Made' program, I could tell you all about every detail of the thing being made!)

Most of my friends were quite well off and had all the good toys - but there's no way that I could ever have them so I learned to improvise - I could instantly gain skills and expertise to do expensive things for no money and get the same results - like building radio controlled planes from buying some sticks of balsa and creating my own plans.

From the age of around 12, I developed a big, extrovert mask (I noticed introverts get bullied) and that got me through life.

I only started to connect with my dad when I was married with a kid on the way - we just started to communicate - and then he dropped dead.

My mums behaviour changed after that - she became even more disengaged and sat on the sofa expecting everyone else to entertain her until she dropped dead 15 years later.        I can't say I feel anything over that except "I'm glad that's over."

I can't say my parents ever really bothered with me - even when my brother broke my nose (twice), they didn't even bother taking me to hospital.

I don't have anything to compare against but my wife says I had an unbelievably deprived childhood.         I disagree - their non-caring meant I had total freedom - which suited me fine.

it depends on the herb and whether you have a balcony or a windowsill. Sunlight and warmth is best for nearly all herbs.

Basil - very thirsty- water every day

Sage,Thyme ,Oregano, mint - good "investments" to keep. They can tolerate a lot more dryness but like sunny conditions. Rosemary too, after a bit of care at the beginning it can last a long while.  These are "woody" herbs that last longer. 

Parsely* , Coriander - i tend to kill these - needs warm temperature and a windowsill, but tends to go floppy because they are over-seeded.  However, if you use all the parsely and coriander leaves soon after buying, keep watering the plant because a new set of stalks and leaves will  probably come.   Coriander is short lived and starts producing flowers eventually .

All the above can survive in the pot from the supermarket but will quickly run out of energy because many seeds have been planted in one small pot. So, even if they are not thirsty, they may die of starvation. Often they are growing in a mixture that has hardly any nutrients.   if you have a  bag of general compost  and a larger pot, re-pot the herb for it to live longer. Put a little soil in the bottom of the new pot, the plant plug on top, then if you don't like touching soil use a sheet of newspaper as a funnel to steer a bit of compost around the plant. Firm it down and water it.

For basil i keep it near the sink because it simply needs a lot of water. I started growing it from seed as i realised it was easy.

The other herbs only need watering when the soil is getting dry. 

In the summer I water all my house plants with some general purpose feed , so i give some to the herbs as well.  I do this every 3 weeks.  A tiny bottle of liquid feed has lasted 4 years already.  It is not really necessary to buy plant food, though.  The food is in the soil, so re-potting is good enough. 

The plants should not be waterlogged.  if you stand the pot on a saucer, and after watering the saucer is full of water,  the plant has got enough, so you can pour off the excess from the saucer.  You will get used to giving them just the right amount over time. 

*For parsely, if you only need the chopped up kind, you can freeze the chopped leaves (or buy it frozen).   

I'm also sorry that happened.

Good on you for self-teaching yourself gardening. 

I would like to pick the brains here about one thing. If I buy some herbs in a plant pot like they sell in supermarkets, how do I make sure the plant stays alive?

Main things I'm wondering - where to place it in my flat, what water and food it needs.

sorry to hear that, Desmond. 

Hi Roswell

sorry to hear about your childhood.  I had a father who was probably autistic himself.  He could do a lot of things, he was great at all sports and good with DIY and gardening, but he never taught us to do them or let us help, because his need for control and perfection was so strong that he couldn't bear an "apprentice" doing a less than perfect job. 

I don't think he was happy.  He was obsessed by perfection and he pushed everyone else away until he died. Somehow it made me determined to do all those things.  Today I am doing some of them- fixing the house, growing things in the garden.  I do them a bit differently - for example I use more colours, patterns and design, whereas he was just planting things in perfect rows and painting everything perfectly but white.  

I have always been rubbish at sport and I used to be angry that my father never encouraged me or helped. I just became fat.   But now I go running every day. It's not a sport but I am fitter than ever. 

So, I hope you can think of some things where you came out of your dad's shadow, succeeded despite him and where you can do something better or with a different flair to his. 

Some of us here are into gardening, I am in no way an expert because I work full time and I've moved to an area where  it's colder and windier than before and there's different soil. So I have a lot to learn. We can give you tips here in the forum! I would be glad to share some. I'm no good with cars, though. 

My father died in the Troubles, so I missed that connectivity going through teenhood.

I never gelled with him while he was alive.

However, we can’t dwell on the past too long.