Unable to come to terms with bad events and move on - Is this all autism

I found great benefit on this from mindfulness training (in context of philosophy of self-compassion and emotional resilience short courses tend to leave out). Though short mindfulness courses without context can be dangerous for us as they lead to increase in sensory overload without the resilience aspect, and people pleasing without the self-compassion. Also they can expose deeper issues like c-ptsd which need more time to work though. If there are any ongoing meditation groups accessible to you I give them a look, check how well you can communicate with the 'tutor' before starting if possible.

Tai-chi is also helpful, particularly if you want a stronger focus on resilience aspect that maybe of more help to you.

Sadly many therapists assume we can learn these things in the same way neuro-typicals can, and this often leads to disaster. Short term courses are great for many, but not suited to us. However be aware as I said deeper issues can emerge, and seeing a qualified therapist if that happens is a good idea.

Thanks yes I have tried tai chi and now had some thousands of hours of psychotherapy and now have the feeling that my psychotherapist, as some here, are feeling negative countertransference: ie anger that I am not improving or going away. Hence they view me as being manipulative . This is a common reaction to people with chronic suicidal distress, but is minute in magnitude compared with that experienced by the person with distress.

I'd also look for a reason other then regret. Something you want to build or become in the world to replace the fixation on past events. Not fixating on anything is infinitely harder then actively fixating on a positive activity.

Indeed, I used to volunteer steaming clothes in local MIND myself. I find I start to struggle over time when distanced from the results of what I so though, being hands on with the problem and seeing the difference made really boost my motivation and ambition to make a bigger difference.

The ability the internet gives us to interact in a tangible rather then abstract way while still ensuring we can control and limit the nature and extent of that interaction, or just unplug for a while, is an amazing tool. 

yes but the MIND shop where I work acts a good social welfare place, even though the volunteers do lots of work for very little outcome. Work is good for health of the mind

I'd add a lot of volunteer organisations have efficiency issue, particularly charity shops which often have little in the way of business expertise. Seeing your replies to other comments this seems to be something that bothers you, could be a good topic to try if interested.

1. I do lots in my church and for volunteering but frustrated it is so inefficient I’ve compared to previously 

Investing always carries risk, however at the same time this is only a temporary state of affairs with Covid and investing in (for example) travel companies now has great potential. Note I am not a financial advisor and this is example only - investing always has risk

I started out my current venture in an attempt at designing my own work therapy, attempting to bring myself from being largely non-functional due to combo of anxiety, depression (environmental - not clinical), and a few layers of post traumatic stuff. The latest layer making me (In my opinion) a potential danger to people around me if I spent to long in environments I couldn't largely control, 1-4 hours depending on how the day was going. Of course I had no idea then where it would lead me to.

I built the idea when I quite suddenly clicked that all my past successful (hobby scale) businesses had followed one basic pattern.

1. Find a need/problem in the world or my immediate circle I have an automatic compulsion to help with.

2. Start work on fixing it

3. Find ways to monetise the things I end up doing most

4. Attempt to solve problem to a point where I've put myself out of business, while working on step 1 of the next idea

From there I went scattershot, starting about 7 facebook pages on various things from tabletop gaming to my views on the nature of perception. Observed for a while and judged which ones I was most engaged in as well as which was more popular. Focused and expanded on that one, as it evolved I found myself fixated on one key topic/problem and rebranded from there. Currently still mostly focused on step 2 though, not a route to quick cash ;)

The only people making money on the stock market are either traders pulling commission off your money or insider traders with a sure thing.    Everyone else is just gambling.  

Why not rejoin with your family and help others?       As long as you're not in a high-risk group, it might give you a different perspective to see how others find fulfilment in their lives - I'm sure they'd willingly accept your assistance and having a purpose and interacting with others might lighten your mood.

definitely if I could find something. I chose to try financial trading, which has been disasterous especially with the Covid issue, so again I feel a failure. My family have never been veruy ambitious and their interests are nature and caring for others - currentlty doing loads of extra high risk work and not getting any pay for it...…………...

definitely if I could find something. I chose to try financial trading, which has been disasterous especially with the Covid issue, so again I feel a failure. My family have never been veruy ambitious and their interests are nature and caring for others - currentlty doing loads of extra high risk work and not getting any pay for it...…………...

Indeed, I used to volunteer steaming clothes in local MIND myself. I find I start to struggle over time when distanced from the results of what I so though, being hands on with the problem and seeing the difference made really boost my motivation and ambition to make a bigger difference.

The ability the internet gives us to interact in a tangible rather then abstract way while still ensuring we can control and limit the nature and extent of that interaction, or just unplug for a while, is an amazing tool. 

yes but the MIND shop where I work acts a good social welfare place, even though the volunteers do lots of work for very little outcome. Work is good for health of the mind

I'd add a lot of volunteer organisations have efficiency issue, particularly charity shops which often have little in the way of business expertise. Seeing your replies to other comments this seems to be something that bothers you, could be a good topic to try if interested.

1. I do lots in my church and for volunteering but frustrated it is so inefficient I’ve compared to previously 

Investing always carries risk, however at the same time this is only a temporary state of affairs with Covid and investing in (for example) travel companies now has great potential. Note I am not a financial advisor and this is example only - investing always has risk

I started out my current venture in an attempt at designing my own work therapy, attempting to bring myself from being largely non-functional due to combo of anxiety, depression (environmental - not clinical), and a few layers of post traumatic stuff. The latest layer making me (In my opinion) a potential danger to people around me if I spent to long in environments I couldn't largely control, 1-4 hours depending on how the day was going. Of course I had no idea then where it would lead me to.

I built the idea when I quite suddenly clicked that all my past successful (hobby scale) businesses had followed one basic pattern.

1. Find a need/problem in the world or my immediate circle I have an automatic compulsion to help with.

2. Start work on fixing it

3. Find ways to monetise the things I end up doing most

4. Attempt to solve problem to a point where I've put myself out of business, while working on step 1 of the next idea

From there I went scattershot, starting about 7 facebook pages on various things from tabletop gaming to my views on the nature of perception. Observed for a while and judged which ones I was most engaged in as well as which was more popular. Focused and expanded on that one, as it evolved I found myself fixated on one key topic/problem and rebranded from there. Currently still mostly focused on step 2 though, not a route to quick cash ;)

The only people making money on the stock market are either traders pulling commission off your money or insider traders with a sure thing.    Everyone else is just gambling.  

Why not rejoin with your family and help others?       As long as you're not in a high-risk group, it might give you a different perspective to see how others find fulfilment in their lives - I'm sure they'd willingly accept your assistance and having a purpose and interacting with others might lighten your mood.