Called Lazy...

So, the father of my boyfriend told my boyfriend today that i'm useless and that my sleeping habits have nothing to do with autism but being lazy.  So much for getting a diagnoses and aiming for acceptance ;) Well, anyway. I'm so called lazy cause i don't work... i don't get up early, i'm currently in a bad habit of sleeping til 1pm in the afternoon. I have NO energy left in my entire body... i am behind the computer almost all day or behind my PS4 in the sofa... I enjoy being at home cause i can relax as i have to deal with a lot of worries and thoughts in my head. Sometimes, i just FEEL that i can't do anything. I have to even force myself to take a bath or to even make a payment. I'm in a severe auti- burn out... for years now. I don't take medication as i'm scared of the side effects. I am just scared of everything ... but i hate being called ''lazy''...  My partner also has autism but less severe as he takes medicine... He used to be pretty much like me too in the past but due the medication he can function. He even has a job now... but his parents kinda forced him and they ignore his autism for the most part. Today they had a fight cause he did not want to help his dad with a task and they all blame it on me. They think he will become lazy too. It's partly true, cause its a very toxic relationship (not us as people but our concerns, and our autism, that i wrote in another post on here) So i can understand his lack of energy too and that he refuses to help his parents on occasions when he is tired. But i really can't take it, that i have a diagnoses now and that people STILL call me lazy..... and talk about my shortcomings. NOTHING has changed since my diagnoses, nothing! :( 

Are there people on here with similar problems?

Moonmaiden

  • feel free to ignore everything I say 

    yea this is a familar complaint ( diagnosis changes very little ) . but to pull the positive out of this. 

    1. they do care about u - they are trying to help by calling u LAZY !. I know its not nice, but people are not perfect and say the wrong things all the time, repeatedly.

    2. It sounds to me your sleeping habits have got out of control. This happens to all sorts of people and isnt good for you. 

    3. I suffer from lack of energy all the time. set yourself some personal goals. work / a job is one of the best things to turn around your mental well being. WIthout my job I would be exactly like you. 

    4. volunteer in some organisation u like as a start to get references ( dog walker whatever, local charity shop ) and stick at it for 6 months - 1 year at least.

    start in small steps. volunteer for 1-2 days tops.

    alternatively if u have a hobby you are good at start producing stuff and try and sell it on ebay etc 

    life is short. 

    Temple Grandin ( look her up ) always says "You cant use autism as an excuse".  

    get an apprentice position ?

    you have skills. u have abilities. use them

    feel free to ignore everything I say 

     

     

      

  • I am similar. My sleep patterns seem to circle around the clock and i don't have a job.  Spend all day on the computer.  The idea of me ever functioning like an NT does is ridiculous to me.  I just would not be able to cope with it.  Luckily i have my mother and ESA/PIP to rely on.

  • my sleeping habits have nothing to do with autism

    Greetings. My reply, here, to Me, seems a bit risky... but I shall try it anyway (& then <> run away)...

    It is true that sleeping habits have little to do with Autism. My main point would be towards Your sleeping yet *still* feeling tired or unrefreshed...? This may indicate some other/"underlying" problem and so I would upon the safe side say very loudly: Go see Your GP and mention this.

    Sleep not restoring energy may indicate many things: Interrupted Sleep, Sleep Apnoea, Vitamin or Mineral defficiency, or unknown allergies - there are Websites which can suggest more expert information. (Type "sleep" + problems, or un-refreshing, or lack-of-energy, or "tired all the time"... things like that.)

    To close... I DO agree with the 'not taking Pills' as well. You need not take "sleeping pills", even if this is what a GP suggests, try to find some other remedy. Even certain Meditations or Exercises might help towards a better sleep.

    Also, have a go at doing something which is either really tiring or really hateful, just to get to know Yourself better. (!) My reason for saying this last part, is to identify what is just "lazy" and what is *truly* a problem or exhausting or an allergy... but be careful, of course! Good Luck (I always say.) But tell all of that (unrefreshing sleep) to a GP first.

  • As others have said, this is a delicate subject. I have been in similar circumstances earlier in my life. I will offer some advice from the heart... If it's not for you or I'm off beam please ignore.

    Start by putting the opinions of others to one side, no matter how hard. Even your boyfriend. This is about you. Focus on yourself and look inside yourself. Is there anything you could do, that you're not currently doing? Is there your own word you could use to describe how you are? 

    Now, what are your hopes and dreams, what would you like to achieve? What could you realistically do, if you went to bed at say 10.pm and wake up at 0800?  Could you imagine working a few hours a week?

    OK that might be depressing and make you feel crushed. But try to be strong. What would you do if you earned some money? Picture yourself with a part time job. Picture yourself collecting a pay packet at the end of the week. Does it feel good?. Routine in the life of an aspie can be really good for self esteem. 

    Is there any way you could move from where you are now to this dream scenario?   Forget your boyfriends father, because he is making you defensive and then you won't try to achieve your goal.  Make use of all support available. Stand tall and be yourself, that is what matters.  I hope you can use even 1% of this.  


  • So, the father of my boyfriend told my boyfriend today that i'm useless and that my sleeping habits have nothing to do with autism but being lazy. 

    An absolute run of the mill classic, i.e., where people are unable to tell the difference between laziness and exhaustion, and rather than your sleeping habits having nothing to do with autism ~ it is obvious as such that your boyfriend's father does not really understand or comprehend what autism as a neurological and physiological condition involves, just yet.


    Autistic fatigue in daily life and the causes

    So, the next time you go to say to me (or somebody like me) that you’d never have known I’m autistic, consider the following. Each morning when I leave the house my anxiety kicks in. Within minutes my heart rate has increased and my breathing has become much more difficult. I don’t usually even know why. It’s probably because, no matter how planned it is, you never really know what each day is going to bring. For the autistic person that is stressful. When I get to wherever it is I’m going it usually involves entering a building. That plays havoc with my senses. New sights, sounds, smells and people. I have trouble filtering sound so it comes at me all at once and with the volume turned to maximum. I have difficulties with certain lighting which makes me very dizzy and disorientated. But I smile and reattach the mask and I play my role. Throughout my day I often have to socialise to some degree. I have to figure out when it’s my turn to talk, when to smile, what body language to use and to make it all look natural. By then I usually have a headache and throughout the day I’m battling with nausea and stomach pains as, like many autistic people, I have several co-morbid conditions. Later on I may have the school run to do which will involve a whole new set of rules that don’t come with a manual. A different set of people that I may have to interact with and a change of setting with different sounds and distractions to contend with. A new role to play. All of this I may have had to do on three hours sleep because I don’t sleep well. My brain doesn’t seem to know how to switch off. By the time I get home for the day I may want to retreat to a quiet corner for a while and simply not speak. So, when you next hear an autistic person say that they’re all “peopled” out don’t dismiss it, especially if you think they don’t seem to have done much that day. Autistic fatigue is very real and it is truly exhausting.

    https://livingautism.com/autistic-fatigue/


    So much for getting a diagnoses and aiming for acceptance ;)

    It does help to keep in mind that aiming for acceptance can involve missing it ~ to begin with at very least anyway. It took my family a few years to get past recognising me as supposedly having been out of order sociologically ~ rather than me being of a different order neurologically and physiologically.


    Well, anyway. I'm so called lazy cause i don't work... i don't get up early, i'm currently in a bad habit of sleeping til 1pm in the afternoon.

    For those of us who have a particular hypersensitivity to ultraviolet (UV) light, getting up at or around midday is not unreasonable as that is when UV light intensity is on the way to calming down, whereas before which UV light intensity is of course increasing. When I used to try to sleep during the night I was too hypertensive to do so because of the UV light stimulation going on through the day, and now that I sleep during the day until 2pm ~ I even get to feel calm during the night and relaxed enough to fall sleep in the morning!