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Panic Room!

The Riddler

For a while now I have had an issue with travelling on public transport and going out to unfamiliar places. What seems to be the issue is the unfamiliarity of where toilets are. I say that because it’s what links everything together. I noticed this again recently when I went into a Subway in an unfamiliar area. I found I was instantly scoping for the loo. This is also why I have stopped using trains, because the toilets are very often out of order and on planes thee is also a point when you can’t leave your seat for god knows how long!!

What I think is that toilets have become a safe room! If I’m out and get anxious and need to detach myself for a while. the only place to reliably do this is to lock myself in a cubicle for 5 or 10 minutes.

Does anyone else have anything similar or is this an ASD unrelated issue?

  • in reply to Dawn
    Dawn said:
    Never understood why blokes loos are like that and you'd have my vote to change it.  As a mum of lad, when he was reaching the

    Teach him to head straight for the traps don't look back, shut lock, business, out and don't wash hands I take small wet wipes and hand gel ( even before covid ). This method ensures max safety and limits negative interactions.

  • in reply to Caelus

    Never understood why blokes' loos are like that and you'd have my vote to change it.  As a mum of lad, when he was reaching the age when he was too big to come to the lady's with me, it's errr worrying to have to send him in the gents alone, where he might have been vulnerable.  I'd rather think there were little gents' rooms with separate cubicles.

  • in reply to Arbor

    Yes, there should be many more disabled toilets.  They are of use to more than the disabled. My lad's grown now but I remember the days of being out and about with sleeping baby in pushchair, dying for a pee and unable to go because I'd have to leave him unsupervised outside.  That god send of a disabled loo meant I could park baby still asleep in the corner whilst I did my business.

    I also understand from some trans people that public loo choice has risks, from filthy stares to outright aggression.  The stand alone disabled loo provides a safe choice.

  • in reply to Caelus
    Caelus said:
    dont feel like public toilets are safe

    I am identical on your view with this and always use a trap or disabled toilets and public toilets are disgraceful but that's if you can even find one anymore. But working to the wise it's now an offence To pee in public you could face a criminal charge. 

  • i dont feel like public toilets are safe, but im a dude and the mens toilets are often disgusting and offer no privacy at all which i find to be medieval in standards. they assume we dont like privacy and are ok pissing in the open next to each other, im not ok with that and never have been, its weird and creepy and you can even tell others feel the same about it too and yet we put up with these horrible undignified open bowl toilets cramped together with no privacy. i avoid public toilets if i can, id rather pee in a bush somewhere, you get more privacy peeing in a bush in the park than you get in the mens toilets...

  • in reply to Arbor

    Sadly, they are notorious for knocking things back when the need is clearly there.  Apparently, 80% of appeals win, but that requires so much energy - and they know that.  They just hope you'll go away, so you don't cost them anything.

    I applied, not for the mobility part (though arguably I should have because I can't even drive), just the basic because I am spending thousands on autism informed counselling, assessments and little stuff like home phlebotomists, because no one will ever get any blood out of me if I've sat about an NHS waiting room on the brink of melt down for hours.  Get this: they awarded ZERO points for "managing health care" because I can take a pill out of a packet, even though the assessor said on the phone that they accept I can't access health care well, or sometimes at all!  Go figure! 

    They were quite keen to hurry through a decision before I got my diagnosis when they knew my assessment was coming up.  Wonder why that was?  Potentially, because they knew that would strengthen my case?

    I'll appeal, of course.

  • in reply to Dawn
    Dawn said:
    'd say it's very definitely

    I tried this on my pip application but they knocked it back saying I could walk about and drive, so I had mobility and I must not have said exactly the right words to them and was to ill with some comorbid mental health issues that I have and didn't have the capacity to appeal it.

  • I'd say it's very definitely an ASD related thing.  I'm not that bad, but I dislike public transport and get anxious especially if crowded.  I'm much more comfortable in a carriage with a few people.  Trouble is I can't drive either, so needs must.  

    Can you apply for the mobility component of PIP to get out and about by taxi more often?  Would that help?

  • I think identifying when and where you need to self isolate is an excellent idea

  • I do this at work when i feel the panic coming on, or if i can feel a sudden mood swing at work. I lock myself in the toilet, usually for 10-20 minutes