Feeling Broken

Thank you for your encouragement :-) Not broken as such. I guess it's more of a case of emotional abuse does to a heart what physical abuse does to a body. My heart feels battered, like it has been continuously used as a punchbag for years, which it has been. But I agree with the free bit.

Thank you again. I really appreciate the support that all of the 'usual suspects' have given me on this thread :-)

What! Another tail! The 9 that I already have already prove quite troublesome to manage!

You have just absolutely hit the nail on the head there DT. 

Thank you for your concern Deepthought I am also looking after myself as best I can. I have a number of friends locally who are all being very supportive so this helps too. I do also understand the need for self care and do try to implement this as much as possible. Thanks again.

Not broken, free...

You are one of the strongest and most compassionate voices here.

Lean on us if you need to, I'm sure any of the 'usual suspects' will be more than happy for you to PM them (us? I'll explicitly include myself in that list despite the risk of sounding arrogant).

This is just you gaining another tail...

Sorry but ruminations can certainly be about facts. I have been stuck with serious negative ruminations getting worse about facts for 7 years. I think it is an Aspie thing that we get stuck with regrets and negative facts and find it very difficult to move on.

Kitsune said:

Well indeed! Thank you for your advice DeepthoughtMy Children’s welfare is paramount.

Excuse me perhaps for checking that with your children's welfare being paramount ~ that your welfare is being treated as a fundamentally 'essential' requirement also in terms of you being cared for too; as some parents really do go all out for that savior~martyr thing of completely overlooking themselves when as such caring too much for their children.

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I am just making sure that you are being cared for yourself and that you are sure of just how important this really is ~ being that a lot of people in your position have been blagged out of caring for themselves or have been blagged into believing that a lack of care from others is in some way acceptable.

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Being cared for is a fundamentally 'essential' requirement, and that applies regardless of whether or not your username is Kitsune or your actual name is something otherwise:  

Kitsune said:

I don’t understand the control freak mentality but I do know that it’s him and not me. 

Control freak mentality in adults is a compensation for having experienced increasing emotional insecurity during their preadolescent and adolescent development, and in the case of narcissistic abusers ~ this usually develops by way of controlling and success-orientated highly-critical parents, and or highly critical guardians such as teachers and so fourth.

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The basic premise is that as long as the narcissist can make someone else feel emotionally insecure ~ it distracts them from feeling emotionally insecure themselves; or if they are emotionally disassociated and feel little or nothing of this within themselves ~ it allows them to pleasurably identify with someone else feeling emotionally unsettled or terrified on their behalf. Hence the control freak mentality.

Thank you and yes I know that. I don’t understand the control freak mentality but I do know that it’s him and not me. 

And don't take any autism blame crap from him. It's him, not you.

Thank you I appreciate that offer. Some things are best not discussed in detail in the public domain! I’m glad that you’re coming out the other side now.

Thank you! I realised it years ago but was trapped and saw no way out! Perhaps now I have a little glimpse of freedom!

Well indeed! Thank you for your advice DeepthoughtMy Children’s welfare is paramount.

Yeah, some things I mask well! Well I guess I have to mask something well as I’m pretty useless at masking my autism

It’s not a negative rumination, it’s a fact. I don’t feel sad about the breaking up bit, only relieved, more irritated by having been controlled for so long. I’m just aware that I need to be careful. 

Kitsune. Feel free to PM me. Just coming out the other side of a similar situation.

Ellie 

Stay strong Kitsune.
I am quite speechless. It is enormous that you realised you H is a narcissistic abuser and being with him is no good for you and your daughters. Please keep talking to us here. Don't look back. There is just more emotional abuse back there.

Kitsune said:

My husband is splitting up with me because he can’t cope with my Aspergers! To be honest it’s a relief as I’d have left him years ago if he hadn’t trapped me. But i think I’d held out hope that he would change and stop being a complete control freak. But that switch has flicked now and I’ve realised that he will never change and the reality and enormity of years of emotional, financial and physical abuse towards myself and my eldest daughter is finally hitting me.

It very much seems that having your Asperger's Syndrome diagnosis has been of much greater benefit than might ordinarily be hoped for with an abusive partner breaking up with you on account of which. The fact though that you report your older daughter being abused and thereby the whole family living in an abusive atmosphere is of considerable concern, and I think you should perhaps get in touch with an organization that deals with domestic abuse for the sake of some support and guidance that you may very well need, such as for instance from Women's Aid via their all day every day free telephone number:

0 8 0 8  2 0 0 0  2 4 7 

And or via their website address:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/.

Kitsune said:

It’s not a good feeling to finally realise how little I mean to someone and the extent to which they have used me to make their own life more comfortable.

Getting double blagged (i.e. used and abused) as such is always an ugly thing to come to terms with, but no matter how uncomfortable this may be, your and your daughters' increasing comfort and developing confidence away from and without abuse is very much a shared interest of great and fundamental import here.

Wishing you and your daughters all the very best support wise and everything

DT

OMG!

That's the sort of negative rumination that must be very horrible for you. Can you turn it around to be "it's good to finally be able to break away from a relationship that had become intolerable"

I think we tend to dwell on the negatives , but that can be very damaging for ourselves.........as I know