• Replies 12 replies
  • Subscribers 83 subscribers
  • Views 4280 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Impatient with autistic partner

NAS64560

I am going through alot of stress trying to find us a new house and me a new job and my partner who has autism is driving me nuts. Before you all go mad lol I need to learn to be more Patient but it seems I am thinking for my partner and making every single decision in our relationship. They seem to mimic everything I do and i can't take the responsibility. My partner has lived on their own for years before me albeit a shell of themselves. To use their words. How do I know if I am being too impatient or if they have just become overly dependent on me? How much is the autism? They have a full time job and very independent with certain things so they are not in need of a professional carer. I love them so much and can't bear this feeling. We have spoken about this to no avail. 

Parents Reply Children
  • in reply to NAS64560

    Also (although this will be something else added on top of a schedule) maybe couples therapy could help. 

  • in reply to Bethanie96

    Give them small responsibilities they can handle that can add up to taking the load off of you. Also if you need them to do things but they don’t know how, show them first. 

  • in reply to NAS64560

    You are not alone on this. It takes me so long to get through to my partner and I end up getting frustrated which I hate because it sounds horrible. Being blatant is a good thing if you can try and stay calm, remember they need obvious communication. Communication can be hard. Just last night I realised after so many years of thinking our number 1 thing is communicating that it’s actually not, we are always on different pages but time and patience can bring you back to the same page. Try and stay calm and do it in steps. 

  • in reply to Tinyexplorer

    How can I get them to open up? That only happens after screaming at them. I have asked them to write me, asked what they are thinking or feeling and get dismissed. We can relax together but everything is such a mission and all my responsibility to organise. If up to them we would be sitting on the sofa on out phones every day and night :( 

    I am a painfully honest person and quite brutal and blatent. The total opposite of my partner (who is not a he lol) 

  • in reply to NAS64560

    Moving houses is not something easy to get used to. Your partner clearly realises the inevitable and is trying to support your moves to show support and cope. This doesn't mean he really accepted it and actually copes. Maybe this is what you are seeing, him not coping. You indeed need to talk. but from a point of being calm and emotionally connected, not from a point of distress masked by the appearance of activity.. Try to do something really relaxing for both of you, when you can forget all worries and open up. Did you share your distress at the situation or do you do 'keep calm and carry on' thing? Maybe your partner thinks you are coping with distress so wonderfully that the only thing he is allowed is to 'toughen up' and support you?