Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve been told that autistic people have fantastic memories. A few people on the spectrum are like walking encyclopaedias. I am not like this. I have always had a very poor memory. I had surgery on my wrist years ago and cannot remember which wrist it was. There are people I went to school with that remember me, I don’t remember them. This was back in high school. People will tell me something at work and have to repeat it several times and I still won’t remember it. I don’t remember hardly any of my birthdays, chunks of my life are gone. It has always been like this. I feel like I’m broken. Sounds bother me, smells bother me, people bother me. I don’t know what purpose I serve here since I don’t find enjoyment in much. If I had a great memory, I would love to go back to university to study. I went to college for nursing and it was such a struggle to pass all the courses. Is anyone else like this. I don’t know what to do to improve my memory. I feel like I am falling apart.
I want to write more on this but I'm pretty tired. Yes, I used to have a phenomenal memory, I only had to hear/see things once and could never forget, couldn't shut it out even if I wanted to. However, during a burnout in my twenties, and subsequent anti-anxiety meds, I lost around 80-90% of my long-term memory and really struggled to form any new memories (short-term memory failure also). It was terrifying.
My long-term memory started coming back to me about 18 months ago (having been gone for around 7-8 years), and the more I withdraw from the world, the more it seems to recover, although this may just be coincidence. I take a number of supplements: BioCare Adult MultiVitamin & MultiMinerals; COQ10; and magnesium EAP. I also have a relatively high protein, high fat, low-carb diet. I don't know if any of these things help.
I struggled a lot at work and still do because my short-term memory is still diabolical. I can't remember even having conversations with people, much less what was actually discussed. If someone asks me what I'm working on, or to give a summary of my week, I can't remember any of it unless I have a list of bullet points written down in front of me. It's hugely stressful and embarrassing because I'm highly intelligent and never used to have this problem. I don't know if my short-term memory will ever recover or whether the damage from the burnout and/or medication is permanent. People talk about techniques you can use to improve your memory but they don't work for me and no-one believes me. I really feel for you. I wish I had answers, but all I have is empathy.