That's it, I can't cope anymore
I'm waiting for my second meeting with the asd and adhd team, the first meeting has left me with more questions than answers.
They've said they can't give me any feedback until my next appointment after more questions and two more tasks.
My head is constantly going over the appointment, i marked off every trait on the map they showed me but did I say the right things to the questions being asked to show them that?
I've always had problems with explaining my feelings, even my school reports say so.
One doctor has accused me of trying to score drugs because of it!
I have never touched drugs!.
I'm struggling in my relationship, I can't deal with the social side of it, and she always wants to go out to meals etc with family and I feel like a complete a** because I don't want to, I can't deal social situations, she wants affection too amongst other things and I can't give it to her, I'm happy just her being there so why can't she be happy too?, but it's been the same for me in every relationship so why do I keep going back for more?..
The job centre keep pressuring me to come to a work interview which is stressing me out even tho my doctor has said I can't work because of anxiety reasons and joint problems.
I don't understand why the whole world needs to be in work anyway, just thinking about going back into work gives me anxiety.
The awkward silence from not knowing what to say to people.
Chasing clients around naked getting bashed around the head because of the thought of failure was too much to bear.
Getting pinched, punched screamed at and then having a meltdown due to sensory overload and that was just care work.
I used to isolate myself in quiet areas to avoid people and overwhelming noise.
I can't stand people brushing past me either, as I feel it on me for ages afterwards.
I shout and get so angry when someone or something makes a loud consistant noise blocking my sense of hearing.
Obviously there is more to it then that.
I just want drift away I've had enough of getting angry over my sensory and social issues and constantly thinking
The only thing that keeps me from doing so is the fact I'm scared to die and my gaming hobby.
My whole family is indenial about the whole thing and just say I'm depressed I'm so easily led that I'm wondering if there is any point in going back.
I hope you're searching for a therapist as well. You sound very indifferent about death to me and that's a major sign to me that you're not happy. Even if you aren't unhappy for more than a few hours 2 evenings a week. Believe me, it's reason enough to seek out a therapist.
I hope you tell all the people you care about why you don't want to come to social events and why you don't want the same kind of affection as them. Otherwise they might think you're cross with them or you don't care about them which is obviously untrue because it distresses you so much. It would be sad to see you dropped by them because they don't understand how you're feeling.
I hope you don't pressure yourself or let others pressure you to do things that you don't want to. You have a lot of time. Contrary to popular belief, life is long and you don't need to burden yourself with more problems when you're dealing with your mental health. Your mental health is one of the most important things and as long as you're not literally starving it should be your top priority.
I'm sorry to hear that you struggling with things and feeling like you can't cope.
You may like to contact our Autism Helpline team who can provide you with information and advice . You can contact the team via telephone on 0808 800 4104 (Monday to Thursday 10am to 4pm, Friday 9am to 3pm). Please note that the Helpline is often very busy and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an advisor. Alternatively, should you prefer to send a message, you can do so via their webform:
I hope that is of some help.
Could you show your post to your partner? because I think you've summed up really well how you feel. Also I think the Autism Society's Five Big things (attached) is really good to show the people in the family or friends who may not be clued in. Take care.