I don't stim, but maybe I should start

Kitsune said:

my ‘stims’ are things that I have always done, but didn’t used to realise that they were a stim

Agree - my wife was always telling me not to 'pick at my beard' - I'd pull individual hairs out and frequently give myself a bald patch (my dad also pulls his beard for what that's worth).

When I was going through diagnosis I bought a cool machined brass 'fidget spinner' it helps a lot and stops me picking my beard. I particularly like to either spin it and feel it against my lips as it spins or blow on it so it make a noise like a hummingbird... yeah, I'm weird!

Anything can be a stim I think. If you do it when you're 'emotionally aroused' (not sexual arousal) and it makes you feel good/better - it's a stim...

I never knew that’s what I was doing.  Mine was pulling out my eyelashes when I was younger and rubbing my hands together very fast. Anyone addicted to chapstick?  I apply it constantly and panic if I forget it at home.  I usually have several sticks everywhere so I am never without it

Isn't it weird how it doesn't really hurt until afterwards? Or maybe that's just me.

Thank you. I suspect there are a lot of people still desperately trying to act normal, unaware that they could have autism.

i constantly have and still pick my lip continiosly until it bleeds sometimes. or until a bit of skin falls off.

Fraiselongue said:

I wasn't allowed to deviate from the norm as a kid so everything I do is discrete and usually harms me.

I can really relate to that. Thank you for sharing this with us. As sad as it is, I'm grateful to know that I'm not alone in this.

Weirdly I have never chewed my nails, I have actually wished many times over the years that I did, as opposed to pulling my hair! I actually like my hair, whereas my nails are stupid weak little things that never grow that long. Yet I have been stuck for most of my life stimming by pulling my hair out and scratching my scalp til it bleeds while my silly nails survive unscathed! 
I have managed to stop the hair pulling and reduce the scalp scratching the last year and a half as I inadvertently found a replacement stim. Although I didn’t realise that was what I had done until a meditation and mindfulness teacher pointed out that I was using chewing gum as a stim, through which I receive proprioceptive stimulation. That said, my chewing seems to cause some other people annoyance but I would rather chew than pull out my hair so if it works it works!

I have lots of other stims, some a little too personal or too weird to disclose on a public forum, I’m sure we all do!

I've always been a picker. The skin around my thumbnails is a mess and constantly bleeding. I used to pick my earlobes until they bled but people noticed it too much. I wasn't allowed to deviate from the norm as a kid so everything I do is discrete and usually harms me.

During the assessment they noticed an eye twitch, pushing my toes into the floor, touching my face a lot. 

Since diagnosis I have noticed I will make a fist in one hand and slap it with the other hand a lot. Only in private but it really helps relieve something.

it is a coping mechanism.

stimming is a coping mechanism.  So go ahead stim when you need.

https://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/obsessions-repetitive-routines.aspx

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Although repetitive behaviour varies from person to person, the reasons behind it may be the same:

• an attempt to gain sensory input, eg rocking may be a way to stimulate the balance (vestibular) system; hand-flapping may provide visual stimulation
• an attempt to reduce sensory input, eg focusing on one particular sound may reduce the impact of a loud, distressing environment; this may particularly be seen in social situations
• to deal with stress and anxiety and to block out uncertainty 
• to pass the time and provide enjoyment.

doodling on paper or whatever is also considered a stim. I can remember stimming when i was in primary school it disappeared when i was a teenager ( except doodling ). Now that I accept then way I have started stimming again and find it very comforting/calming when my work load is piling up.  I do this in work at my desk. It just looks like i am moving to the music i am listening to. I do a sort of invisible drumming action  

I also fold up used paper into small rectangles. 

i cycle 6 miles a day. 5 days a week. be careful with your weight thats quite a fitness regime u having going ‍‍‍‍

As someone who has recently been diagnosed and others have identified the different movements/twitched I do then I was unaware that I did (or was on the spectrum).  As to your questions, I cannot answer them as it is not a conscious thing to identify/remember.

Since the penny dropped then I have noticed things I have done since childhood but everyone is different.  I would ask some people close to you to identify anything however minor that you do.  

Stimming is not really a coping mechanism but you need to have help/support to identify what overwhelms you into meltdown.  It could be one thing (too much noise) or many things (Sound, smell, touch, taste, sight, space and balance).

Zomted said:

I was actually advised by a psychologist to find things that were calming

Thank you, I think that's really good advice.

I like the idea of weighted objects and uncooked lentils. 

It would be good to find something I can do, especially at family gatherings or at work (when I am well enough to work again), which is both subtle and doesn't result in self-injury.

I often pace incessantly to keep myself on the case. It was very obvious to me, watching a self-monitoring video. I might have written it off as off-putting to others, but many people have apparently become thoroughly accustomed to me doing it. You might even say they expect me to do it. It keeps your observers alert too.

I'm done with Christmas Cards said:

I can relate to this, and my experience is that alexithymia made me think I was doing OK when I was actually dangerously stressed, and autism made me reactive to stressors that most people find neutral or even enjoyable.

I don't know if I have alexithymia, but that does sound familiar. I think my default state is feeling stressed and anxious, plus or minus a heap of frustration. If it's all you've ever known, it's kind of hard to imagine any different; and, as you say, when others around you are seemingly indifferent or actively enjoying the situation, we then assume that this is what contentment/enjoyment is, when in actual fact our stress dial is cranked up to 10.

And thank you, I do really love your Autistic Charter (I've already downloaded a copy). 

This might sound odd but in a similar situation to you (lots of stress induced illness and anxiety) I was actually advised by a psychologist to find things that were calming... lots of the things we came up with would def count as stims. Maybe try some? Really do help me.

So I clearly already did stim - flicking book pages is one I’ve always done and is a reason I read real books not kindles. Added in-using weighted objects (I have a blanket and cushion), listening to wave sounds to help concentration, playing with fidget spinners etc and anything that feels nice (bizarre this but running your hands through (uncooked!) lentils is lovely!)

For the assessment, i was asked if i had any interesting photos of when i was in primary. I had about three photos of that time actually in my possession; and only because someone back home felt that it was best for me to start looking after that in my old age. Well, they all showed something interesting, but one in particular showed me doing some sort of facial and bodily gurn in response to having a photo taken. The photo was taken in the presence of my quite stress-inducing cousin. Also, people didn't actually take that many photos in those days. I remembered the day well. I remembered the gurn, and how it even seemed a bit bizarre to myself at the time. It also reminded me of something else that a relative told me not long after: that maoris frequently used to avoid having their pictures taken. That really struck me at the time, because I wasn't keen on my 'soul' being captured either. And I'm still not keen on it. And this when selfies have become a major obsession.

All three photos ended up being taken to the assessment. And were definitely taken as evidence.

Senor said:

I'm going to have to be very careful not to skin-pick excessively.

I now realise this is my stim. 

Ah, okay. As a child, I bit my fingernails a lot, but my mum forced me to stop. After that, I started scratching/picking at the skin to sides of my fingernails, which I've done ever since. I definitely find myself doing this when I'm stressed and anxious, but also when I'm bored. It's as if I find mental boredom really stressful and need to relieve it somehow, and the repetitive scratching/picking seems to achieve this. It does sting quite a lot or bleed afterwards, and look a bit unsightly. Thinking about it, at uni, I would get so overloaded I would lock myself in my room for easily an hour or more tweezering the stubble on my legs, and have been left with tiny scars all down my lower legs from where I would dig and pick to get rid of every last hair because i couldn't stand the texture of the stubble on my skin. I just thought I was a freak.

Clearly, I've been labouring under the incorrect assumption that stims are either quite physical (flapping, spinning etc.) or involve some kind of toy. Didn't realise that the more surreptitious and self-injurious behaviours were stims too. I guess when you grow up without a diagnosis, certain behaviours are labelled as 'bad habits' and it's only in hindsight that we develop the correct vocabulary. Thank you for clarifying, I really appreciate it.

I floated the idea of that last item as a stim, with a clinical psychologist. The answer was positive. People have been trying to stop me doing it for ever. They obviously find it most annoying. I just find it uncomfortable after a heavy session. I have been attempting to use self-hypnosis to stop. I'm gradually succeeding. So much so that I think I have been suffering withdrawal symptoms It's almost as if my gut needs this stim to work regularly. Perhaps no big surprise, when you consider that seratonin is heavily concentrated around the digestive tract. And it's obviously connected to anxiety, anyway.

And with longer nails, I'm going to have to be very careful not to skin-pick excessively. That one is definitely recognised as a stim. But it's good to have longer nails. It means trivial ( but self-important) things like you can open a penknife without assistance. And it indicates things like sufficient calcium intake. So Idefinitely  won't be cutting them too quickly. Self-hypnotism encourages you to revel in the success of long nails, anyway. So now i suppose I might have to self-hypnotise to deal with the skin-picking. I should have done something about that years ago too.

And I reckon there are many others. The more you think about it, the more you start to see the possibility of other as-yet unclassified stims. But naturally, we shouldn't try to stop all of them; even though some of them might actually be major triggers for other people not to get along with us.