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Dichotomy of AS females talking to males

Deleted User

I am self-identified as likely being on the spectrum. Before I knew this I used to try to figure out why I sometimes really struggled with people of the opposite sex or got on really well with them.

Can any females relate to the fact that you might struggle with men in one situation as you are expected to be the more social ones and "lead" the conversation. Yet on the other hand get on really well in other situations with a different man/men because they are more direct in their communication and there aren't as many variances/subtleties as there are with females?

Can any women relate to what I'm saying or am I just talking nonense? 

Thanks

Parents

  • I do think firstly, that regardless of gender, some people are just easier to get along with than others. I have some female friends that I find really easy to talk with and I have some male friends that I find really easy to talk with. I think overall I do tend to find it easier to be open with a male friend as opposed to a female friend but again it depends on the person. Is it perhaps more the case that autistic people are more inclined to be friends with who they want to be friends with as opposed to who other people and society think that we ‘should’ be friends with?

  • in reply to Kitsune

    I agree with some of your points but the last one about autistic people being friends with who they want to be friends with, well isn't that what everybody does? Why would you be friends with people you don't want to be friends with?

    I think my post isn't just about friendship but communication in general i.e. colleagues, family members.

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  • in reply to Kitsune

    I agree with some of your points but the last one about autistic people being friends with who they want to be friends with, well isn't that what everybody does? Why would you be friends with people you don't want to be friends with?

    I think my post isn't just about friendship but communication in general i.e. colleagues, family members.

Children
  • in reply to Deleted User
    Unknown said:
    Why would you be friends with people you don't want to be friends with?

    Well you would be surprised! Non autistic people do all sorts of strange things. They even ask people ‘how are you?’ while not wanting to know the actual answer! 
    Non autistic are very inclined towards ‘playing the games. Weirdly, they do very many things, just to fit in socially, bizarrely I wouldn’t be remotely surprised if they do actually pretend to be friends with someone that they don’t actually like if it suits their purpose, ie it makes them appear more ‘socially acceptable’ and friendly; it helps them get a promotion at work, it helps them to get ‘in’ with another person that they want to be friends with. 
    In my opinion, Autistic people are a lot less concerned about adhering to society’s rules and we much more likely to choose their friends based on whether or not they like spending time with them! 
    With regards work colleagues, I only work as and when as I do agency work but in my voluntary work in scouting, I would say that I tend to find male leaders slightly easier to get on with, usually.

  • in reply to Deleted User
    Unknown said:
    Why would you be friends with people you don't want to be friends with?

    My brother is neurotypical and has a number of 'strategic' friendships as well as the more typical kind you describe i.e. he isn't just friends with people whose company he enjoys, he has also gone out of his way to make 'friends' with other people whom he believes will be of some tangible use to him either in the short, medium or long term. I think this behaviour is quite widespread among NTs, but it totally eludes us as auties.

    I understand about the communication thing. I think, as a woman, I generally find that men say what they mean and mean what they say, whereas women's conversations are replete with hidden meaning, subtle social and emotional body language which I miss completely, and they spend at least half their time trying to catch you out or get something out of you that they can use against you later. Men are generally more focused on the task at hand. I'm massively generalising, I know, but as a rule of thumb, I find it easier to communicate with men.