Does anyone else find the whole present thing pointless ? Why doesn't everyone keep their money and buy stuff they want for themselves ?
So much pressure to find just the right gift and to respond to what you are given positively regardless of If you actually like it or not !
I find gift giving is very confusing because there are so many 'what if's' going through my head.
*What if the present breaks? What if whoever receives the present does not like it? What if it has germs on it and makes me or whoever receives it poorly?
But there are parts of it I do enjoy. In my house we have always celebrated Christmas and gift giving. I can remember going shopping with my mum every year to buy presents. She bought me gloves for me to wear, so germs could not get onto my hands, which made the whole experience a lot easier for me. So I really enjoy that side of it because it is a fun thing for me to do and share with my mum.
This year my mum will be using a walking stick but she says it will still be a fun and magical time for us both so I cannot wait.
I only give gifts to family, and I just ask them what they would like to receive, within my budget.
I know it removes the element of surprise completely, but it also removes the risk of giving someone something they didn't want. If they weren't sure what they wanted in the first place, I just give money.
I'm being pressured to provide a Christmas list of things I'd like to be 'surprised' by. I hate it. I've spent so much of my life minimising my needs (needs = weakness) that there's nothing I want. If I've really needed something, I've probably already got it.
I like giving gifts - it's a typical parent-thing enjoying your kids' delight on finding great things under the tree - but I've no real interest in anything for myself.
autistic people are rubbish at doing presents, but it is a skill and joy that is very worthwhile developing as the social and community benefits are enormous. I have never done it much and now have major regrets about many things , but just doing presents rather than giving money would have been wonderful I think
Online is a great solution! Especially the "buy it, wrap it, post it directly to them" service :-)
don't appear to be able to look excited or pleased even when I like the gift.
Yep :-) even when I love the thing, my genuine pleasure comes across as false. Can't win :-)
I don't mind buying for children, especially if they really want something, but I avoid buying for adults as I can't see the point. They mostly earn much more than me and buy themselves things all of the time. For those I feel obligated to buy for, we get charity gifts.
I have always hated receiving surprise gifts and don't appear to be able to look excited or pleased even when I like the gift. One year my sister bought me nail varnish...I literally never wear it. I just looked confused.
I like giving presents; I craft so I can find homes for all my knitting and other hand made things (otherwise I don't know what I'd do with it all...). I don't really do obligation presents though, only presents for people I really want to do presents for (there are a couple of people where it's a case of feeling like I kind of have to get them a present, and that does stress me out when I'm stuck for ideas). Generally I pick one thing though and everyone gets the same, this year it's jumpers (I've two more to knit before Christmas...), last year it was hats, the year before it was socks, the year before that everyone got a hand decorated mug. I like to think most people enjoy the thought and time I've put into them if not the thing itself (though hopefully since I do put time and effort and a lot of thought into making them personal and something they would like, they do also like the thing). I really do think it's the thought that counts, but that that should require some actual thought, not just gifting a random box of chocolates/a scented candle/selection of toiletries etc (unless the person would be particularly thrilled to get those things).
And mostly my family are good at either getting me something I want, or asking me what I want (my brother always gets us to pick something out because he says he'd rather get us something he knows we want), which I don't mind, because it's an opportunity to ask for little things I want but can never quite feel like I'm justified spending money on in every day circumstances (e.g. I always get my mum to buy me a good pair of tights and I often ask for fancy teas).
I completely agree. It is nice to spend time with family at Christmas, but I hate buying presents for people. They don't actually really need the presents, and the thought of Christmas shopping really stresses me out. I have to avoid towns over the Christmas period, and I try and do my shopping online.
Gift giving is deeply rooted in our culture. The three kings gave baby Jesus gifts. This tradition has carried on for two thousand years. It would be a mighty task to undo such a thoughtful part of our culture.
Nothing wrong with asking what someone likes or paying special attention to what interests them. Save the receipt and put it with the gift. I do!
If you get a gift you don't like or want, graciously say thanks because it's the thought that matters. Feelings and acts of generosity far outweigh the value of a gift. It is the act and kindness extended that makes it so special.
Don't be afraid to give hints about what you need or like! Cut out a page from your fav catalog and put it on the frig. U can say it's sethong you're saving up for. Be creative! My mom asks me what I want or need and says to send her my wish list! Once you introduce the idea to family or friends, it can be part of the joy of giving and receiving.
Friends and I give gifts with the help of a Secret Santa. This greatly simplifies the process of choosing and buying presents, but at the same time, there remains a sense of celebration!
I remember buying my father a pair of molegrips for Crimbo when i was young. I don't really think he appreciated it that much, but they are being used, 50 years later. It is probably best not to buy someone something because you really want to use it yourself. But I still find small practical presents the best. One of my favorite presents in recent years is a pocket sized implement for repairing spectacles, with an eyepiece key-ring to match. ;-)
I'm fairly obviously dyspraxic, but I still really enjoy the challenge of getting things to work. It seems likely that I inherited dyspraxia from my father. I reckon he came from one of those families with too much engineering in their blood, and was deliberately encouraged to work in the financial sector because he was considered a bit too clumsy for the family foundry. Now I was crap at metalwork when young, but still I have a real enthusiasm for making things. Just don't expect my creations to be at all elegant.
I remember getting skinny jeans from someone one year. Hilarious! Aftershave too! Lol. Well at least the thought counts!
Yeah, sometimes the cash helps people buy things I'd never imagine to buy, or have no clue what I'm buying. My ex always used to buy oil painting stuff, and weird chalks I know nothing about. It's better to put it in the persons hands. They could be saving up, or really need the cash for something. Cash is always best.
By the time my age was in double figures, money was what I preferred to receive, to be honest. I was never very good at the "surprise" element of receiving presents - the ones that I liked were rarely all that surprising (I guess I had pretty obvious "special interests" already), and the ones which were surprising were surprising because I couldn't work out why anyone would think I would like them!
I used to get a lot of satisfaction out of saving any money I received, plus my pocket money and paper-round/odd-job wages, so that I could buy things for myself which would have been far too expensive for relatives to afford to buy as Xmas or birthday presents, and which would be exactly the things that I'd spent hours researching the pro's and con's of. Although I was sometimes rather jealous of the presents which friends from more well-off families got given, I did take a lot of pride in foregoing instant gratification so that I could have some of the same luxuries they did. Given that autism seems to have somewhat restricted my earning power throughout my adult life, I'm rather glad that I picked up that ethos when I was still young - living frugally comes naturally to me!
Ha, I do guess sometimes what people think, it's brought on by wondering why is this person so upset with me right now.. Then I ask and they say why do you think I'm upset! Then I analyse the whole week upto that point and answer which is never the right thing to do lol, but people like tradition and if they are upset at you on Christmas day and you didn't get them a present then I guess that could 
d be why. Just from experience it's best to get something for the people I like
u are imagining thoughts in going on in our peoples heads and u have no evidence they think about you that way at all ! You have to challenge that thought, punch in the face, and act differently this year OK K. lmao at the OK K :)
