Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m interested in the perspectives of both ASD and NTs who married ASDs.
I’m engaged and we had planned our wedding for the start of this year but decided to postpone 6 weeks before because I was too poorly (vestibular migraine) and the church and hotel we had booked were both messing us about.
The thing is, we didn’t enjoy planning a single aspect of our wedding. We found it a massive chore and in no way exciting, romantic or anything else. While we both know we definitely want to be with each other and we definitely want to get married, we don’t want to be burned out by all the prep.
On the other hand, we feel that eloping wouldn’t be right for us as we do want to be able to celebrate with our families. I would feel I had missed out a massive milestone if my dad didn’t walk me down the aisle, and I’m certain he would feel the same.
I know you’ll all say, “It’s your wedding, you can do it however you want,” but really what I’m looking for is concrete examples of things that worked for people with autism. For example, one idea we are toying with is having a small, formal service in a chapel with our very immediate families and then throwing a bigger party/reception a few months later for the wider family and a few friends. Neither of us really like being the centre of attention anyway.
Along with Asperger’s, I also have a number of physical health problems which cause fatigue and pain so that is a limiting factor too.
My wedding day was fine, my wife to be (a good planner) planned everything very well (I wouldn't have known where to start), all I had to do was repeat the words that the vicar said, write and give a speech (which I mostly borrowed from books and the Internet). My best man and my father-in-law were good, they didn't say anything unpleasant about me in their speeches.
I am not one for staying up late (I struggle beyond 10 pm), socialising or dancing (I did the customary first dance with my wife though), the reception was in a hotel, so I disappeared up to the bedroom when I became tired. The reception continued on for a few hours.
The wedding and reception was filmed so I when I saw the DVD I could see the parts of the reception that I missed, people seemed to be enjoying themselves. So all in all a good day for all concerned.