Robbed of £2.40

I used to work in customer service and we were told to adapt our communication style to the customer we were serving. Maybe these people could do with some extra training!

I avoid our local chippy as it's so intimidating! The staff will sing loudly and ask personal questions and if you politely smile (making it clear you don't want to talk) they look really annoyed and keep staring at you. 

I guess some people would see that as good customer service but I would argue you should cater for all people.

Its true that people can pick up that we are different, but they may not know why.

In my experience, fish and chip shops are social places (which is why I'm not keen on them) - the staff will usually be chatty types, and expect customers to be as well.  If you just go in and buy something, without any chit-chat they may think you are rude/unsociable, so that may explain your experience.  They may also have picked up on your anxiety.

As always with autism there are things to work on.  Analyse, learn, and keep going - its all we can do.  A good CBT book will help.

Hi, Roswell. I'm really sorry to hear this - people can be so rude.

They're the ones in the wrong for making you feel you couldn't be there. There's nothing wrong with being (or looking) Jewish or autistic - you should be able to be yourself without fear of judgement.

Hope you're taking good care of yourself and managed to get some food.

I'm glad that you had something to eat. Aw bless you, bet the woman serving ate the chips after you'd gone!

I had oven chips later on. I'm too scared to go back and ask. 

I'm glad that you had a sleep. I hope you had some food too after the disappointment of not getting the chips!?

I do wonder in this case, as you mentioned that you had a panic attack in the fish and chip shop, if they had noticed that something was up and were maybe staring out of concern but unsure whether or not to ask if you were ok or not? I don't know, I'm rubbish at knowing why people do things or reading others body language/facial expressions! You should go back and ask for your portion of chips that you paid for!

Yeah I see what you mean, I probably disturbed the regulars!

Thanks Roswell

I have stopped cafes in Rome because the locals know you are not local by your clothes, body language, hair, skin,teeth, voice and body language. 10 minutes later everything is ok as long as the local loyal customers are not messed up by a silly tourist like me. 

I have been thrown out (pushed out ) of a very busy burger joint in south Chicago because I couldnt order quick enough ( i could not speak spanish ). The stressed staff who where working flat out in the entirely Hispanic burger bar hadnt time to deal with me, nor had the queues around me.  I chalked that up to experience to observe more before diving in somewhere when I was tired. 

now it makes me laugh to think about it :)

I actually wasn't dressing Jewish, I just meant I look Jewish, with my skin colour and nose shape.

I think probably my body language, facial expressions and eye contact came across as weird to the other people in the shop, and that my racial features just make me stick out more in the first place, so it's like a chicken and egg situation. Kind of like I suspect if a woman goes into a shop mostly used by men and looks noticably Autistic, i.e. too much or too little eye contact, stiff body language, she attracts attention both for being a woman in a mostly male shop and also for not looking neurotypical.

Just my opinion.

I didn't cut in line, I'm certain of that, as everyone else who was there when I arrived did not order after I made my order. It's possible though that where I chose to stood to wait seemed inappropriate to others, but I feel if that's the case it's an example of intolerance of Autism, as I chose a corner to stand in, so wasn't blocking anyone, perhaps it may have appeared odd as I was not standing close to others.

I didn't jump the queue. I doubt it would be seen as a local chippy as my town is a reasonably popular seaside town and gets lots of traffic driving through so probably lots of strangers turn up to that one.

I can live with having lost £2.40, of course if it was a serious sum of money I would have rather caused a scene and demand my money back than just walk out. I suppose I decided it wasn't worth the bother of doing that but that I also couldn't bear staying there any longer.

Your experience sounds very unpleasant too. 

I was dressed in a dark brown, somewhat smart coat, black trousers, white T-shirt and brown shoes.

Not sure exactly about the staring but I agree with you about customer service. I went in an Italian restaurant once on my own and was just sat at a table. The waiter noticed and put a TV on with cruise ship holidays being advertised and started telling me about his interest in them. I thought he handled that very well. Didn't put pressure on me to do the conversation but also didn't just leave me there. 

Hi thanks for your kind reply. I feel okay now. I went back home and had a sleep. 

I find it very trying that people stare at me in situations like supermarkets and takeaways. I believe due to my body language, facial expressions or eye contact, all of which I think are Autistic and things I struggle to control. 

I'm not sure if they're staring at me because of how Autistic I look or because of my Jewish features, i.e. tanned skin tone and a certain shape of nose. Could be wrong but I think it can be a combination of both.

Sometimes I think people have this stereotype of a man with tanned skin as being either a) gay, b) some reality TV-style airhead. Both these people may stereotypically be viewed as great fun to talk to, so perhaps it's that, that makes people look? Thinking I must be the most amusing person in the room?

return to the shop with a neurotypical and see if you can work out want went wrong. I am sure the woman behind the counter may explain what went wrong.  The frown was her surprise at something I dont know what. 

How do you dress as "looking jewish", do you mean like a Hasidic jew ? just curious. 

Hello Roswell,

I doubt very much that you're the only Autistic person to be stared at. I find myself being given second looks a lot of the time. I'm big, and I tend to dress differently to others my age (I also tend to wear a trilby or a flat cap when I'm outdoors).

Is it JUST possible, that you may gave accidentally cut in line without realising? In some takeaways the line is not always straight and without order, and people stand on either side, making it possible to accidentally cut in. I have done this a couple of times.

Strange, there could be more to this that you haven't said or didn't realise.

Did you jump the queue?

or was it a local chippy where strangers are rare and unwelcome?

How were you dressed?

£2.40 is only £2.40,  although its the principal of the matter that matters.

I have also had bad experiences at my local chippy, where I asked for scraps with my fish and chips, and the surely lady serving told me very aggressively to say Please.  I got my own back by leaving a bad/truthful review on trip advisor.

How odd - I wonder why they were staring? I know I'm more sensitive than most about thinking people are looking at me so often feel like everyone is staring at me. Could it be that or was it obvious? It sounds like an intimidating experience.

I'm often shocked at how awful customer service can be! When I worked in a people facing job, I always smiled, was always polite etc. Quite often I've been served by someone who never looks at me or is talking to someone else.

Hi Roswell, I'm really sorry to hear that this happened to you today! I don't understand why people feel the need to stare at you for being Jewish or Autistic, I'd be inclined to stare right back at them, but that's just me! The lady who served you had no reason to frown at you, in fact she 'should' have been polite and reasonably cheerful, that would be good customer service and by being there and buying chips you were contributing to the profit of the fish and chip shop so she shouldn't be scaring off customers by frowning at them! The 3 men also waiting should have minded their own business and continued their own conversation between themselves. How are you feeling now?