Moving forwards with Autism

After being diagnosed around 18 months go at the age 61, I am still struggling to overcome feelings of loss and grief that have arisen from the recently acquired knowledge that my failed attempt to lead a ’normal’ life was doomed to be attritional in effect. Hindsight has proved destabilising.

On the positive side, I am slowly becoming less of a stranger to myself. Reviewing the past through the lens of autism has afforded a certain retrospective acuity of perspective.

I also think that the internet offers opportunities for self expression and self determination, and the means by which to counter the negative narrative of mainstream medical discourse that portrays autism as being somehow mysterious and sub-optimal.

I'm really glad that you able to get some therapy and that is has given you the tools to manage your memories and depression. I also know the feeling of not being able to rely on anyone else, if I don't look after myself then no one else is going to bother to! 

It is liberating to realise that we're different and that it's ok to be different and to feel at peace with that isn't it? I wouldn't say that I'm fully there yet but I certainly notice times when I think of others, you don't 'get' me and that's ok, why would you 'get' me when my brain is wired differently to yours?!

If you're on facebook then I highly recommend joining 'British women with Aspergers UK connect group' (contrary to what the name suggest this group is for all Autistic women). There are frequently posts asking what area of the UK members live in and arranging local meet ups and there are many others like myself who have formed 'unofficial' local groups. It's a closed group too so only members can see what is posted in the group. My group covers Mid-North Essex/South Suffolk if that's any help?

Hi! Thanks. 

Hi Kitsun. Since diagnosis, very recently, I was given a short spell of counselling which ended up being PTSD treatment. Hopefully I can apply what I learned to other memories. Before diagnosis I was denied such treatment. Just given tablets to take. Now I hardly need the meds. But I do have to be determined to stay/get back on track. I would rather be a survivor than a victim for my own state of mind. Also because I cannot rely on anyone else. 

Ive been fortunate to get the therapy, however short term, and am determined to put all I learned into action. I would recommend it to anyone else struggling with deep depression but wanting to deal with the cause of it rather than the experience (by drugs). Antidepressants have their place and value too. 

Likewise with my autism diagnosis. I don’t consider myself seriously impaired or disabled. I don’t have learning difficulties either. I’ve never known myself any different. If others have a problem with me, it’s their problem now. I’m doing my best. Now I know the majority don’t think like I do, or feel the way I do it all makes sense. Nor do I need to torture myself trying to be like the majority. Meltdowns will probably always be an embarrassing problem, but at least I can explain them now and have escape strategies. I carry a sensory kit around with me, in my bag. So I can only try. I cannot grieve any longer for things that never were and never could be. That gives a sense of freedom. 

It’s not infallible. Nobody’s life is perfect, so why would mine be? 

Your group sounds great Kitsun. Still looking for something similar, for women, locally. The men have theirs, so now we need ours! Sometimes it’s good to have gender specific groups! Perhaps I need to be a bit bolder and reach out. 

You took the word out of my mouth....i could so easily have written the same as you...but not quite as lucidly maybe! Heres another nobody saying hi and thanks for your post.

I'm very sorry to hear that you have suffered abuse in the past, is that something that you have sought counselling/other therapy for?

I would be inclined to agree with myself having the choice to be a victim or a survivor, personally I choose the latter, you?

I think after initially being very closed to the concept of needing to change anything about my life I am becoming more open to the idea that I could benefit from adjusting certain areas of my life.

There are very limited services for autistic adults, especially in terms of social groups. I noticed this deficit after a quick google search on the day that I was diagnosed. I set up my own group for Autistic women in my local area which so far is going quite well and provides and arena to chat about Autism related stuff or just enjoy a bit of Autistic solidarity? Are there any such 'unofficial' groups near you?

Thank You! I've been using the forum since the day that I was diagnosed which was the 12th December 2018. I was diagnosed with ASD (F84.5 ICD-10). When were you diagnosed? How are you feeling about your diagnosis? Thank you also for the offer of reading your profile, I shall take a look. 

I'm already employed but as I do agency work I see little point in confiding in my employee. I'm lucky enough to be able to go in do the job and go home again without getting caught up in office politics and if I don't like a place, then I don't have to go back there.

I think we each find our own individual ways of coming to terms with the diagnosis and living on with it. I feel my own personal aims and hopefully solutions are down to my life experiences, including much abuse I’m afraid, that has forced me to be the resourceful person I am now. I realise other people’s life experiences are entirely different, but that for myself I have the ability to choose whether to be a victim or a survivor in my mindset. 

I’ll always be able to live on very little, but again that’s down to my past too. 

Otherwise, Aidie seems to be doing the steps I am trying to. 

Only change is that I need to recognise when I actually do need help and have to sort out ways of asking the right people in a way they recognise. So maybe I need to work on self esteem and trust. 

It would be great to meet someone and chat about little problems, or big ones, but services don’t seem to provide for autistic adults at all and it’s hard to find similarly challenged older people who want to discuss how to overcome problems. To share ideas and experiences. I’m not readily understood either, which makes it seem easier not to talk at all. 

Around 90 + % bad !   Not only have i got to convince myself i have it(i know i do) but others also..

Due to sounding quite literate and articulate! People think im normal but just weird..

Ive somehow got to get to know me...who i really am.....time to drop the masking and carrying all that weight any longer...but it seems so tethered to me...that practise!.....i guess it will all take time.

Hello and welcome! I have also recently come onto the forum, having been diagnosed with Level 2 ASD. Please do feel free to ask any questions and read my profile. I'm sure that everyone on here will give their best advice.

Should you apply for a job, or if you are already employed, you should disclose your condition as the employer would be obliged to put you towards the top of an interview list, or if you have a job, provide you with appropriate support.

Thank you for your informative reply Aidie,

I think that I still need to work on getting into a regular sleep routine. One of the hazards of being a parent though, you have to fit all you adult life after the kids are in bed, so a later bedtime means more adult time, but less sleep!

It can be a little bit of a minefield of working things out post diagnosis! How are you with things at the moment?

things i am working on

• I improved my diet a wee bit ,, less crap comfort food.
• wear headphones all the time at work as opposed to just some of the time
• more self care ie I take my breaks in work & do a meditation every day at lunch time to keep work anxiety down
• more self in general getting away from irritations, triggers, and bad thoughts,
• getting regular and more sleep. keeping bedtime routine.
• try to improve social skills by avoiding typical ASD behaviours that mess neurotypicals up. 
• increased interaction with natural world - more walks in country with dog ,,, more gardening & planting trees
• increased talking to my children and nephews to improve relationship with them
• getting more "me" time eg more time off work when I feel I am heading towards a shutdown and actually taking my annual leave !

For myself,at 51....its been 3+months!...most bizarre roller coaster of emotions and thoughts!