Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi. This is my second post. I am in my late 40s and realised a few months ago that I am Autistic. I am not sure if I will seek a diagnosis as I’m not sure it will help in any way. Having realised, my first response was relief but I have also been dealing with a little grief when thinking about how I could have been kinder to myself through my life and perhaps sought help for areas in which I have difficulties. Occasionally I have even been having sudden moments of almost excitement in the realisation that I can be myself now. I haven’t felt myself in so very long. Just recently however I have found that I am not coping with things that I do struggle with as well as I usually do. Stuff like noise and people talking to me when I am needing time alone or people upsetting my plans ( even stupid domestic ones like what order to sweep and vacuum in - my poor husband). Has anyone else dealt with this on diagnosis/ realisation? Am I letting my guard down because I’ve realised what I have been doing and I’m sick of it? Am I just letting go because I need to? Or am I just being selfish. Am I over analysing? Thanks
Hi,
This is only my second time on here and I’m in my late 40s too!
Everything you said resonated with me and I don’t think your being selfish at all. I realised after reading many books and researching a few years ago. I can remember the moment where it all made sense and I felt such relief. I burst out crying. I also went through a grieving period and a period of feeling like I could finally have acceptance of who I am. I think from what I’ve read this is quite a natural process. I still feel as if I need a diagnosis because when I try to explain to others then it’ gets dismissed because I’m not officially diagnosed.
Have a look on Facebook at ‘seeing the unseen’. It’s a video of a really powerful poem of autistic women. I watch it when I’m struggling and find it really empowering. It also answers some of your questions.
Thankyou, I will have a look at that video it sounds great. It’s interesting what you say about needing a diagnosis for others to understand. I can see the merit in that although the cynic in me thinks doubters will always be doubters and that I would rather put my effort into understanding myself rather than convincing others. Although I suppose we need for others to understand don’t we.