Published on 12, July, 2020
Another contradiction that I'm battling with:
I'm 95% deliriously happy to realise that I've never understood friendship, don't particularly need friends, love solitude & peace & quiet, & I'm relieved that people are leaving me alone, especially at work. But 5% of me feels that I'm now in solitary confinement and that this can't be a good thing in excess - but as soon as I meet someone I wish I hadn't and can feel the exhaustion building.
I was asked in my ADOS if I ever get lonely & I said no, but sometimes I thing that asking me if I ever get lonely is like asking a fish if it ever gets tired wings; the apparatus for processing the question simply isn't there.
I have a slightly different contradiction - I have a few people I would like to see more often, but when they ask I'm always busy with my own things, and I know if I change my plans I won't enjoy it because I'll just spend the whole time thinking about what I could be doing on my own.
I know that feeling! :-)
This kinda knocked me sideways - after so long thinking that no one feels the same way I do, it's really strange to hear someone able to relate - reassuring but... wow!
Exactly, and those people usually have more interesting things to say because they pay attention to whether you're engaging, so can change the subject if not. Then it's easier to stay focused on the conversation and not thinking of better uses for your time. The down side being that they are more difficult to connect with initially as they're less likely to introduce themselves...
Yes there are definitely types of people I can sit with, and ones that make me want to chew my own leg off to get away. As you say - less energetic, think before they speak, listen, don't patronise, don't want to tell you all about their holiday in Florida .........
I get it quite a bit - I can be sitting having coffee with someone, and whilst they're telling me something I'm planning my next steps in one of my hobbies. Also if we've been sitting for an hour or so, I can get quite a strong desire to get home and get on with it! :-)
I'm done with Christmas Cards
Back to your original question though, I think if people exhaust you then you need to consider whether that's all people, or are there some who you can be around for longer than others? The people I manage to keep friendships with all tend to have some sort of mental health issues (not becuase of me!) and I think they are just quieter, less energetic, and also understand if you don't keep regular contact, or are tired, anxious and preoccupied and have to leave things early. I do think it's important for us to socialise some, just not as much as NT people.