Getting stuck in ruts - seeing the future as bleak?

That's a really good way of looking at it - thanks.

Thanks! I have decided I'm just going to give it a go and see what happens. Even if nobody ever reads it, at least I can enjoy writing it. I hope you manage to get the dog

I was brought up to be frugal with money but have reached a plateau now that means I can be a bit more extravagant.  Like I never had the Bank of Mum and Dad so I was more OCD about clearing any/all debts/expenses and only focus on the essentials.

I suppose it remains our parents that make us and all the unfairness in the world is outside our control.  I cannot comment for ND's but many seem to be able to ignore some of the risks we see (detail not bigger picture) until those risks come back and bite them in the bum (or their patsy at least).

Yes, I relate to this in many ways:-

1.  Ruminating over things that have been said (taking it literally).

2.  Confused over the contradictions been said to me (not black and white but grey).

3.  Thinking the worst possible outcome.

And now I have my diagnosis then Yep - that is how I am wired as someone with Asperger's/High Functioning Autism (or will there be differences be found in the future?).

To help me/support me I have taken several approaches that I have found useful:-

a. Isolate myself within somewhere I am comfortable - from my home to country parks/walks that have very few people around and the garden.

b. Focus on my strengths and develop my confidence by doing the little things that I enjoy/am good at.

c.  Be spontaneous sometimes by doing something different (window shopping, spoiling myself, going somewhere different).

d.  Understand my ideal vision as well as what is possible and not get too hung up on the utopia as I know that will never be reached.

I can be like this although I have to say the last 18 months have been some of the worst in my life, and more recently some of the best,  on the back of the bad times I've  had some really surprising lovely experiences and chance meetings.. It makes me realise life isn't and doesn't have to be all black even when it seems like it.

if anybody had said to me 18 months ago this is how your life is going to turn out I would not have believed them.

This risk balance is something I've noticed all through my life.   There seems to be a spectrum of risk-management where people's personality affects where they live on the spectrum.   Sales-people seem to be able to live with very little certainty and hopping from commission-cheque to commission-cheque is a viable way of living.   Actors live in a similar way - no guarantees of pay and huge credit card bills.

Engineers seem to need to have security and back-up plans - risk equates to stress.    I guess most people are somewhere in the middle with just accepting a level of risk - but the more you risk, the more you can gain - or lose!

Do you think ND people find the risks are much higher for them?  NTs seem to handle these scenarios easier, but I wonder if a lifetime of struggling and worrying about the worst instills an inherent risk averse attitude towards everything.  Even now I question my spending habits based on what if I need the money because I am ill, lose my job, blah blah blah.  The list goes on.  A lot of ND people seem to think this way and I wonder if this is learned behaviour or part of how we think.

I am very risk averse. I over think far too much about stuff. A lot of this recently has been about the future. Some good advice I had from my counsellor a few months ago was that you can't possibly know what will happen in the future. You think you know, but you don't know. No-one knows.  So the only thing you can do,  is make a decision in the present which is right for you. If this doesn't work out, at least you made the decision at the time which you felt was right. 

I'm still working in this advice!

I wonder how much of this is down to potentially making a "wrong decision" and elements of perfectionism with AS. I do think as humans we are pretty adaptable if things go wrong. But like I said I don't really take risks.

This sounds similar to how my AS husband seems to think. I don't know why - or if it's a control thing and because the future is unknown you get stuck in a kind of paralysis where you can't make that leap for fear of it going horribly wrong. And yes it may go horribly wrong. You could write a book and no one might like it. On the other hand it could go fantastically well. You might unearth a real talent and people may love your writing. Thing is that you'll never know unless you do it.

My husband has always liked the idea of getting a dog. At first I said no I didn't want a dog and he used to get annoyed with me because I didn't agree with him. Several years ago I changed my mind and said ok if you want a dog, then we'll get a dog. Do we have a dog? No! Because the minute I said let's get one, he came up with 101 reasons not to. What if he wasn't good with dogs? What if he couldn't train it? What if he got I'll and couldn't look after it? What if, what if what if? And it was all based on self doubt. I know my husband. He'd be great with a dog. But all he can see is what might go wrong.

So the advice I'd give to you is the same as I say to my husband every time this comes up. 'For God's sake, just GET a bloody dog and stop over thinking it!'

Except of course I wouldn't swear at you and the 'dog' would be your writing! If you've always wanted to be an author, just stop thinking and start writing. Decide that you'll write x number of words a day and do it. Youve nothing to lose. Yes, it may be complete rubbish, but on the other hand it might be brilliant. Don't think. Just do it.

I always feel like I restrict myself when I think about the future. I've always wanted to be an author, but I come up with reasons why it wouldn't work out... I think it could be a way of managing my own expectations because I don't want to disappoint myself. This way of thinking makes me sad though.

Also, I often feel like I want to make changes (like starting my own business), but I'm so scared of the unknown that I just seem to stick to what I know, even though it doesn't excite me.

I'm hoping I'll be able to push myself to take some risks someday - it'd be nice to do something I'm truly passionate about.

I can see why you would logically think this way - every day is Groundhog Day - unless you CHOOSE to do something different.     

Nothing in the future is fixed - it's all down to what you expect from it and how much effort you're prepared to put into changing your life.  

Are you measuring your life by the NT-materialistic 'beating-the-Joneses' standard or are you thinking of ways that would make your life fulfilling and satisfying for you?