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Getting stuck in ruts - seeing the future as bleak?

NAS63284

I have gained more than I have lost by having autism. But the one thing I really dislike about autism is the way I visualise the future. For some reason (I assume this is because of the autism?) - I look at the future in a very black & white way. As if the future will only be the same as now or worse than now. 

I never look at the future as an adventure that can be shaped in new and exciting ways. Even though I am a happy person and enjoy my life - I always look at the future in the way a person with depression might.

This is something I recognise in my Dad as well (who I suspect also has autism). If you are at prone at falling into ruts. Then you are also prone to falling into ruts when you look at the future. As such you find it hard to picture it as being something to get excited about.

I think part of this is related to the fact that I have no interest in romantic relationships. As such most of the "programming" we get from movies/TV/music is lost on me. On a subconcious level I think it is the feeling that you are going to fall in love with somebody amazing that excites "normal" people about the future. So in a sense my autism has made me old before my time.

I am sure this way of picturing the future is a fundamental part of autism. But I have never heard it discussed much. So I would love to hear from others who can relate to what I have written.

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  • I always feel like I restrict myself when I think about the future. I've always wanted to be an author, but I come up with reasons why it wouldn't work out... I think it could be a way of managing my own expectations because I don't want to disappoint myself. This way of thinking makes me sad though.

    Also, I often feel like I want to make changes (like starting my own business), but I'm so scared of the unknown that I just seem to stick to what I know, even though it doesn't excite me.

    I'm hoping I'll be able to push myself to take some risks someday - it'd be nice to do something I'm truly passionate about.

  • in reply to DuckBread

    I am very risk averse. I over think far too much about stuff. A lot of this recently has been about the future. Some good advice I had from my counsellor a few months ago was that you can't possibly know what will happen in the future. You think you know, but you don't know. No-one knows.  So the only thing you can do,  is make a decision in the present which is right for you. If this doesn't work out, at least you made the decision at the time which you felt was right. 

    I'm still working in this advice!

    I wonder how much of this is down to potentially making a "wrong decision" and elements of perfectionism with AS. I do think as humans we are pretty adaptable if things go wrong. But like I said I don't really take risks.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Do you think ND people find the risks are much higher for them?  NTs seem to handle these scenarios easier, but I wonder if a lifetime of struggling and worrying about the worst instills an inherent risk averse attitude towards everything.  Even now I question my spending habits based on what if I need the money because I am ill, lose my job, blah blah blah.  The list goes on.  A lot of ND people seem to think this way and I wonder if this is learned behaviour or part of how we think.

  • in reply to Starbuck

    I was brought up to be frugal with money but have reached a plateau now that means I can be a bit more extravagant.  Like I never had the Bank of Mum and Dad so I was more OCD about clearing any/all debts/expenses and only focus on the essentials.

    I suppose it remains our parents that make us and all the unfairness in the world is outside our control.  I cannot comment for ND's but many seem to be able to ignore some of the risks we see (detail not bigger picture) until those risks come back and bite them in the bum (or their patsy at least).

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  • in reply to Starbuck

    I was brought up to be frugal with money but have reached a plateau now that means I can be a bit more extravagant.  Like I never had the Bank of Mum and Dad so I was more OCD about clearing any/all debts/expenses and only focus on the essentials.

    I suppose it remains our parents that make us and all the unfairness in the world is outside our control.  I cannot comment for ND's but many seem to be able to ignore some of the risks we see (detail not bigger picture) until those risks come back and bite them in the bum (or their patsy at least).

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