Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I’m a 32 year old newly diagnosed aspie, I just want to post this to see off it’s normal.
I’ve noticed that I’m less ‘autistic’ when I avoid stress or avoid anything that drains my battery, for example I’ve been out of work for about 10 months now and have been doing absolutely nothing for that period of time other than tv/Xbox/PC and for the first time I’m felling ok, my autistic behaviours (the ones that cause a lot of issues) seem to diminished somewhat. The social issues and overthinking are still there but it’s not unbearably loud if that makes sense. If I do start doing anything though I can almost feel it draining my battery and I start acting up again.
Does anybody else experience anything like this?
100% - being forced to play in the NT world burns me out. Doing my own thing is far more efficient and productive.
Glad I’m not only one, but now I kinda feel like a benefit fraud as I feel fine and not disabled but know if I get back into the ‘real world’ I’ll be bad again.
You're not a fraud - it's just you've been so programmed to mask your autism to fit into the NT world that you don't realise that you're living 3 lives at the same time - the real, autie-you, the fake, masked-you and the interface/translator running between the other two lives.
You're running a 1000mph just to stand still. It's incredibly fatiguing to live with the masked personality - you can normally manage when you're young and your life isn't too complex - but as you get older, it all builds up and you physically can't manage it for long. Autistic burnout is very common as we reach middle age.
Take the time to re-evaluate your life - decide if you want to or are able to live the NT dream of consumerism and keeping up with the Joneses.
You have the ability to do life your way - and if you're off work and getting enough money to live, make those hard decisions and be kind to yourself.
I’m looking forward to getting to that point of being free to be me
I play nice with the NTs - I do social events (Meetup.com) that I want to - with no commitment or expectations. I enjoy social interaction but I find it draining. I have the freedom to pick & choose.
Be careful about telling people - especially at work - we tend to have difficulty judging people's intentions and the diagnosis can be used against us in a non-supportive environment.
I'm now fairly open about my Asperger's - I don't work any more - and I've found those who care don't matter and those who matter don't care - they understand my limitations and that when I'm tired and need to leave, it's nothing to do with them or anything they've said or done, it's just I've reached my limit of interaction.
I don't have any parents now and I have a strained relationship with my siblings - they are of the denial or 'everyone is a bit autistic' views - it's too much bother for them to give a toss.