Avoiding stress

100%! I was off work for 4 years due to a bad back and last year I went back and I have to say I hate it with a passion. I need to be able to do my own thing and then deal with people when I feel prepared. But going to a PART TIME job 4 days a week just makes me feel so depleted so on my days off I have to recuperate to face it all again the next week. It’s so draining! You’re not alone in this

Thank you

Yes - my autistic traits (particularly sensory issues) became much more pronounced when my anxiety started to get worse. I'm feeling really burnt out and I feel like my sensory sensitivity is worse than it's ever been (everything is so loud, I can't block any sounds out, and even the smell of my deodorant makes me feel sick some days). When I'm feeling less tired and more relaxed, I can go for days where my sensory issues don't bother me at all. 

Take care of yourself and take time to recharge. Hope you feel better soon.

I’m looking forward to getting to that point of being free to be me

I play nice with the NTs - I do social events (Meetup.com) that I want to - with no commitment or expectations.    I enjoy social interaction but I find it draining.    I have the freedom to pick & choose. 

Be careful about telling people - especially at work - we tend to have difficulty judging people's intentions and the diagnosis can be used against us in a non-supportive environment.

I'm now fairly open about my Asperger's - I don't work any more - and I've found those who care don't matter and those who matter don't care - they understand my limitations and that when I'm tired and need to leave, it's nothing to do with them or anything they've said or done, it's just I've reached my limit of interaction.

I don't have any parents now and I have a strained relationship with my siblings - they are of the denial or 'everyone is a bit autistic' views - it's too much bother for them to give a toss.

Not sure i’ll ever be ready to rejoin the NT world but the ball is running none the less as a may need the extra income, only looking for 1-2 shifts a week though and a sympathetic employer. 

Great response! I’m definitely at that point in my life where I’m too tired to keep up the facade but also find it very difficult not to when in public or around non immediate family. 

You're not a fraud - it's just you've been so programmed to mask your autism to fit into the NT world that you don't realise that you're living 3 lives at the same time - the real, autie-you, the fake, masked-you and the interface/translator running between the other two lives.

You're running a 1000mph just to stand still.    It's incredibly fatiguing to live with the masked personality - you can normally manage when you're young and your life isn't too complex - but as you get older, it all builds up and you physically can't manage it for long.    Autistic burnout is very common as we reach middle age.

Take the time to re-evaluate your life - decide if you want to or are able to live the NT dream of consumerism and keeping up with the Joneses.   

You have the ability to do life your way - and if you're off work and getting enough money to live, make those hard decisions and be kind to yourself.

Whats-His-Face said:

Does anybody else experience anything like this?

I think a lot of us on the spectrum feel the same. It seems like work and autism seems like a bad combination if we are not allowed to be ourselves and flourish. If you are newly diagnosed hopefully you will seek out professional support for getting back into the working world but when you feel supported and ready. Best wishes..

Glad I’m not only one, but now I kinda feel like a benefit fraud as I feel fine and not disabled but know if I get back into the ‘real world’ I’ll be bad again. 

100% - being forced to play in the NT world burns me out.    Doing my own thing is far more efficient and productive.