Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I’m a 32 year old newly diagnosed aspie, I just want to post this to see off it’s normal.
I’ve noticed that I’m less ‘autistic’ when I avoid stress or avoid anything that drains my battery, for example I’ve been out of work for about 10 months now and have been doing absolutely nothing for that period of time other than tv/Xbox/PC and for the first time I’m felling ok, my autistic behaviours (the ones that cause a lot of issues) seem to diminished somewhat. The social issues and overthinking are still there but it’s not unbearably loud if that makes sense. If I do start doing anything though I can almost feel it draining my battery and I start acting up again.
Does anybody else experience anything like this?
100% - being forced to play in the NT world burns me out. Doing my own thing is far more efficient and productive.
Glad I’m not only one, but now I kinda feel like a benefit fraud as I feel fine and not disabled but know if I get back into the ‘real world’ I’ll be bad again.
You're not a fraud - it's just you've been so programmed to mask your autism to fit into the NT world that you don't realise that you're living 3 lives at the same time - the real, autie-you, the fake, masked-you and the interface/translator running between the other two lives.
You're running a 1000mph just to stand still. It's incredibly fatiguing to live with the masked personality - you can normally manage when you're young and your life isn't too complex - but as you get older, it all builds up and you physically can't manage it for long. Autistic burnout is very common as we reach middle age.
Take the time to re-evaluate your life - decide if you want to or are able to live the NT dream of consumerism and keeping up with the Joneses.
You have the ability to do life your way - and if you're off work and getting enough money to live, make those hard decisions and be kind to yourself.
I’m looking forward to getting to that point of being free to be me