Published on 12, July, 2020
My husband has ASD and I am seeking to understand more about difficulties with achieving a financial overview. He would like to send our children to independent schools but our income is not high and I keep explaining that we can’t afford it. He mentions other possible small future increases to our income and I try to point out that we still would be quite a long way off being able to afford it. He can’t see it, I find it’s like coming up against a brick wall and I’m trying to understand what’s happening. He doesn’t know any of the precise figures because he doesn’t like to engage with online banking or bill paying admin at all, so I’m in the process of putting it all in a spreadsheet for him. But I’m surprised even so that he has such an unrealistic grasp, as he knows what he earns, at least. He is very high functioning and does complex data analysis for his job, so it seems strange to me that this financial overview seems hard for him to achieve.
I find that NT people often tell me things are unaffordable and then I afford them. NT people just seem to leak money on things like going out which are entirely cuttable.
I can understand how challenging it must be to navigate financial discussions with your husband, especially when it comes to planning for your children's education. Sometimes, individuals with ASD may struggle with abstract concepts like financial overviews, even if they excel in other areas. It's great that you're putting the information into a spreadsheet for him to have a clearer picture. If you ever need further guidance or support in managing your family's finances, stephenswmg.com might have some useful resources for you. It's important to find strategies that work for both of you and ensure financial stability for your family.
I think the difficulty in understanding the financial problem may be that your husband loves his children very much and would want the best for them. That's why he doesn't keep track of his finances. Many would agree with me because it is true. You can't solve anything these days without money. I think you need a good app with a financial model. So that you can calculate all your income and expenses, that way, after a short time, with a good income, you can raise money for your children's education.
Hmm....it sounds kind of like the opposite of me. I have ASD, but I'm super conservative when it comes to spending because I fear that I might run out of money if some unexpected situation comes (e.g., if I can't find a job next year, or if some medical emergency comes up). I am very good at saving. I think maybe having your husband write down the costs calculations spreadsheet would be helpful. You can do it with him too. My feeling is that it would be helpful if he is somehow involved in the calculation too, so he can consider everything step by step in a logical way. I think maybe the difficulty of seeing the financial issue may just be that he loves his children very much and would want the best for them, even though it might meant cutting down spending on other things, but maybe he just hasn't considered the bigger picture fully.
Have you looked into the costs of private schooling? There are often discounts available for exceptional kids (they boost the results average so are a selling point for the school). If you send 2 kids to the same school, there's usually discounts available.
Typical costs are around £17k/year for one child + all trips, uniform, exam fees etc. Prepare for £20k total per year. Per Child!!!!
Remember - this is money you pay after tax so it's likely to be money you paid 40% tax on so it will really cost you about £34k off your salary.
The up-side is the education is second to none - it's all done properly. Class sizes are small (typically 12-14 in a class), they are taught how to work efficiently so they will usually get excellent grades so university comes easily to them.
We put our daughter through private education from day one - she's at uni now and doing very well - ready to go into year 3 - even she can see how immature and ill-disciplined her state-school peers are - some even failed their first year because of poor attendance!
IF you can afford it, I'd recommend it - but if you can't afford all of it, save up hard and pay for secondary school for them - that's where the big differences are. 7 years at 20k each - think £300k. The numbers are scary!
Remember - once you're committed to private education, it will really screw the kids up if you change school half way through because the systems are so different.
If your husband doesn't get family finances, a spreadsheet is needed to illustrate the reality.