Another one diagnosed!

SpiderBaby said:

I've only just realised I don't have to keep struggling to keep up with everyone else anymore, I'm never going to magically 'grow up' one day and become like them so I can finally stop trying to and just relax.

Yes! Me too! Isn't that part of it wonderful?

Whilst I'll readily admit that I've had a pretty privileged life (and my oddly-wired brain has played a part in that), I've had a habit of comparing myself to others who've achieved more; those who have risen to lead departments, or become professors at universities, or invented useful things, lead political movements, taught children and young adults and in doing so enriched the lives of others, been active as volunteer ambassadors for their professions, founded companies, gone to the moon, people who make instant life and death decisions and take responsibility for them in the face of legal consequences if it goes wrong (surgeons for instance), lead orchestras and created magnificent choirs from a rag-tag bunch of co-workers, commanded aircraft carriers and submarines, and I've berated myself for the fact that *"I couldn't do that!"*. Not that I know all of the people like this personally, though I do know one or two.

But now I've finally revised my expectations, and I'm working on revising the expectations of people around me not least my parents and children! I knew a decade ago that I would never be the attentive and convivial host who has dinner parties and puts everyone at ease, takes their coats and finds something to complement each of them on without feeling embarrassed and passing that feeling on to them; nor was I the person who would "ask after" people to find out what they are up to, because in truth, I'm not interested in their new kitchen or motorhome and certainly not their grandchildren. And now I am letting myself off the hook and no longer trying to pretend, because I've realised that I don't have to. That's not just because I now have an official diagnosis, but it's because I've got older and wiser and, yes, the explanatory framework provided by the descriptions of ASD allow me to understand and explain that doing these things costs me mentally far more than it costs an average person, so I'm not going to because I know it's bad for my mental health - and who can argue with that?

Thanks Cloudy Mountains. 

Thanks IamwhoIam and Tinyexplorer. You are both right and I read your replies last night and had a think about it and I feel so much more positive about it today. I've only just realised I don't have to keep struggling to keep up with everyone else anymore, I'm never going to magically 'grow up' one day and become like them so I can finally stop trying to and just relax. 

I Am Who I Am - sorry to hear you were having a down day yesterday, hope you're feeling more positive today.

I was pleasantly surprised by the aftercare! There is support for my family too which is a nice added bonus. 

You've been on a long stressful process, best you can do is let go for a few days. You could start thinking in a loop, and carry the stress over from the diagnosis process.

Just take your time, you are still the same person, you just have a diagnosis. Nothing's changed about you. So try and hold onto that thought until you are ready for the aftercare process, then you can look at things with a clearer head.

Use this time to relax. You deserve it!

I Am Who I Am said:

Spoons? What is this talk of spoons I have seen here and there?

It's the spoon theory 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory

Spoons? What is this talk of spoons I have seen here and there?

I Am Who I Am said:

Yes, knowing has to be better than not knowing. Try and keep positive. it is not that you are now condemned to having the issues for life, it is that now you know why and you need to manage the issues to suit you, and you have a world of knowledge and experience to help you do that, and you can focus on taking advantage of everything that is special about you. Hugs. Look forward to a brighter future.

SpiderBaby, being short on spoons and imagination, I just repeat the words of @IamwhoIam. Because it says it all really. you are the same person, you have all the same plans, dreams, projects and you are now better equipped to achieve them, armed with the knowledge and support in here.

Just take it a day at a time. 

Yes, knowing has to be better than not knowing. Try and keep positive. it is not that you are now condemned to having the issues for life, it is that now you know why and you need to manage the issues to suit you, and you have a world of knowledge and experience to help you do that, and you can focus on taking advantage of everything that is special about you. Hugs. Look forward to a brighter future.

Having said all that and trying to be positive to everyone about everything on the forums, and I know it is the right thing to do, and I am pretty much telling myself the same thing when I tell others, I think I have hit a down day today after being diagnosed a few weeks ago. I think there has been a little bit of "oh dear" in me today, thinking I am always going to have to work at it. I know I can do it, and I know in a few days I will feel better, but I guess we all hit that down trend here and there.

I'll say it again, if only to say it out loud for me to listen to myself, stay positive, look to the future, get stuck into positive things, and all the best.

Oh, and a spider baby is better than a baby spider. A baby spider will get eaten by other spiders, whereas a spider baby is a figment of Father Dougal's imagination based on a comedy line around a spider being treated like a baby, thereby bringing a smile to people's faces. Better being something based on imagination and bringing happiness than being something likely to be eaten. Stay being a SpiderBaby and don't become the BabySpider...

I'm glad that you know now. Knowing is better than uncertainty. That's good that you've got aftercare available. 

I don't even know anymore!!! There should be a random name generator on all online forums for people like me with no imagination! 

Are you a SpiderBaby with Aspergers or  BabySpider with Aspergers?

I know, there's no pleasing me is there?! This is the outcome I wanted, I should be over the moon! 

I feel partly like maybe they made a mistake. My assessment was nowhere near as thorough as yours was. 

I also feel cross that I didn't know this 25 years ago when I was struggling at school and not understanding why I couldn't act like everyone else. Oh well, at least I know now! 

Keep talking here SB. Knowledge is power but it may take time to settle. I also find that writing about it, e.g. blogging or posting here, is helpful in sorting things through.

You were worried that you'd be weeded out as a faker - now you know you're not, so that's one worry out of the way?